First, get married.
Different ways to cheat.
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Hide your money in offshore banks.
Become a racist, and don't play with the black pieces.
Throw salt at them. It bothers me: http://www.chess.com/forum/view/general/is-my-oppenent-allowed-to-throw-salt-at-me
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Or get a subscription to Cheating at Chess for Dummies.
Can anyone tell me how to cheat while playing online matches.