I wonder....do religious jokes and divine intervention constitute the illegal discussion of religion by chess.com? or is it more serious talk that causes arguments and ultimately war! LET'S PLAY!
Divine Intervention
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Prayer helps, it does'nt hurt .
Theempiremaker wrote:
Prayer helps, it does'nt hurt .
It has no affect at all, unsurprisingly.
I prayed to my toaster once and still got burnt toast...damn devil must have possessed my toaster
Rookbuster wrote:
I prayed to my toaster once and still got burnt toast...damn devil must have possessed my toaster
On the contrary, the toast clearly had sinned, and was thus burning in hell, before your prayers saved its immortal soul.
You're saying that we Theists are saying, "omWHAT?"
PhilipN wrote:
You're saying that we Theists are saying, "omWHAT?"
gosh
mewto55555 wrote:
Rookbuster wrote:
I prayed to my toaster once and still got burnt toast...damn devil must have possessed my toaster
On the contrary, the toast clearly had sinned, and was thus burning in hell, before your prayers saved its immortal soul.
so it sinned and was thus saved, but when i gave it to the dog he took it outside and planted it trying to grow a toast tree
This thread has gotten way off topic. To the original poster: While God has intervened in situations in the past, what makes you think he was telling you what moves to make. Just because you make bad moves doesn't mean you can blame it on God. If he is speaking to you, then he has a discreet purpose behind what he is doing. If you want sympathy, a chess site is not really the ideal place to get it.
oh
KillaBeez wrote:
This thread has gotten way off topic.
PARTY POOPER!
I would say that, since God doesn't speak to people like that anymore, it was a DEMON!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAAA!! lolz
TrainingForNM wrote:
RainbowRising wrote:
Christians play only with the knights,
Muslims cant have queens - they are covered in sheets and cant see where they are going.
Buddists offer a draw each game. Failing that, they lose on time and don't make a single move.
Jews never sacrifice anything, even if it will win them the game.
Athiests play without bishops
Agnostics play blindfolded.
Did He confirm He was the He you thought He was?
If not, He may have been a She (i.e. Caissa)
Mar 1, 2009
0
#37
The Merchant and the Arab
A Spanish merchant traveling a lonely road did business from town to town. One day he came aross an Arab sitting in the middle of the road with a chess board.
Curious, the merchant asked, "Why are sitting here alone playing chess?"
"Oh, I'm not alone," said the Arab.
"But I don't see anyone with you."
"That is, the Arab replied, because I play the great Allah, the One who is everwhere!"
"You have a powerful opponent, then!"
"Yes, but a fair one."
"And is He winning?" asked the merchant.
"It seems so. Can you see how I can avoid being checkmated by His next move? It will mean I cannot play anymore today."
"Why not?" asked the merchant, puzzled.
"I will have lost all my money," replied the Arab.
Stunned and not believing his ears, the merchant said slowly, "You and Allah play chess for money?" He had never ever heard of such a thing.
"Yes. See, here I lose twenty gold pieces."
"But wait, how do you pay Allah?"
"Oh, of course Allah doesn't take the money Himself. He sends some honest holy man who takes it from me amd gives it to the poor. That is the same as giving it to Allah. And, since I have indeed lost, you must be the man Allah has sent today. Here, do Allah's and take these twenty gold pieces."
The merchant, not as honest or holy as he might have been, was delighted.
Weeks later, again traveling that road, the merchant shook his head at the thought of the Arab playing chess with Allah. Suddenly, in the middle of the road was the Arab, sitting alone with his chess board.
"Is Allah winning today?" asked the merchant pulling his wagon up alongside.
"No," replied the Arab, happily. "In fact, in one more move I shall checkmate Him, and win a hundred gold pieces!"
"And however will Allah pay you?"
"Oh, of course Allah doesn't pay me Himself. He sends some honest holy man who will give me what I have won! Today," the Arab finished, you must be the man Allah has sent to pay me one hundred gold pieces."
did anyone question if the original person who posted this topic has taken their psych meds. recently? I have a degree in psychology and have worked in mental institutions of 4 years now and that sounds like a psychotic break to me...you might consider getting a psychiatrist! i know a guy who ate some mushrooms once and god spoke to him through HIS DOG! apparently the god/dog told him that he couldnt get anymore devils tattooed on his body and that the war between heaven and hell was/is real, fish are fish, and that Iron Maiden totally rules! now i agree that Maiden rocks, and i might even agree that heaven and hell are at war for our souls...but god giving you bad chess advice, im not sure i can swallow that one...and furthermore if youre feeling guilty about listening to gods advice you REALLY should see a shrink! Seriously go see a therapist...
Beast719 I congratulate you: Dawkins would love this :) Unfortunately most of the audience is from the USA and most of *them* will not get the joke - too subtle. Wasted on the wrong audience...
Days were when there were USA-ans like Ambrose Bierce...
"PRAY, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy." - Ambrose Bierce
Scientologists sue the opposing side for opposing them, if playing anyone but a buddhist.