If I were him, I'd want you to play your best, crush me and maybe I can learn something. If I did manage to get something from the game I'd want it to be because I earned it, not because you went easy on me.
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Chess is not close to being war
For tournaments, I guess you have to check your guilt at the front door.
Similar to the age-old problem of the newbie at the club; Do you rip him to shreds at the risk of the kid never returning, or let the games be close? IDK, maybe odds games?