Is he responsible for the Smith Morra Gambit?
How do I find really bad people?

I just played through a couple of your games to see what you mean by "bad". Ummm...Okay! No...How about...ummm... You know, I like to drink! Drinking is O.K. with me

playoffs? playoffs?! don't talk to me about playoffs!!
lol, but I don't know. This is a great place to learn to play though, I know they're out there. When you set up a game for someone to join is there a way to select what rating of player can accept the seek?
Also if you think of yourself as so bad there are some great tips this site has, you can click here to go to that area. There's a lot there to look at -- I hear the chess mentor is a gooden though.

I just played through a couple of your games to see what you mean by "bad". Ummm...Okay! No...How about...ummm... You know, I like to drink! Drinking is O.K. with me
I was going to do the same thing but then I asked myself...why is he playing such fast time controls? I think you won't find many people at that rating playing blitz...as it's not fruitful or pleasurable. You have no long games...which is where you first need to learn your chess.

When you put out a seek, there is a box for max rating. You can set a max, although because of this it will probably take longer for you to find a game.

yeah the time controls are a joke. I would lose every game if I had only 10 minutes to think.
are you aware of the basic ideas? (moving rules, castling, check/mate, pawn promotion)? if you know the very basics and avoid enormous blunders (as in: losing pieces is bad, so is getting checkmated) you should be able to win some games, if not, chess might just not be your game!
If you dont know the basics you probably need to read a little theory!
The problem with online chess is that anyone can play it without knowing the rules by trial and error... when I started playing chess all I had was a tabletop chess computer and since it would have been quite annoing to hear error noises or so all the time I read the book that came with it and had some tutorials about every piece which was quite educative for beginners...
Im a level 584 and I have no idea how to win a game. They keep pairing me up with 1200s or others similar. What are the worst people on this site rated? How do I find them? haha. I feel like Jim Mora. "Playoffs?! Playoffs?! I just hope we can win a game!"