How do you train?

Personally, I like to locate the nearest gang to my gym then 15 minutes before workout time I ride by on my electric scooter and shout racial slurs at them until gunshots go off and they start chasing me. It gives me such a rush that by the time I hit the gym my body is pulsing and I'm ready to squat a personal best.That's how I train.

I am in training now for my next event .... 

I believe in you!

1. Bandidos MC

2. Mongols MC

3. Meksiko Kalma

4. Rogues Gallery

5. Obtshak

etc.

Give us better questions.

The cold hard truth... lol.

Well okay, since some of you bozos seem to be dead-set on getting serious, let's get serious about this for a moment.

I did provide a serious answer, in post #2:  "GMs train; I don't."  Which says it as pithily as I can put it.

I think it's ridiculous to talk about "training" unless you're an up-and-coming  and/or titled player (and I mean an international title too, not just some NM thing).

On another site, where I am one of the "experts," I recently got a long question by someone who apparently wasn't terribly distinguished as a player but who asked me a slew of questions about training regimens and routines and whatnot.  It's all a lot of wannabe nonsense, as far as I'm concerned, endemic to this idiot mush-brained era with all its life coaches and personal assistants and trainers and other suchlike parasitic assholes, along with all the clueless dupes who allow them to continue their vampiric existences because being surrounded by such a coterie imbues said dupes with a feeling of significance (not to mention of course the all-important consideration that it makes them more "scientific" thereby).

So OP, play and study and gain 1000 or so rating points and then maybe we can move on to discuss the most efficacious training rituals.   Until then, you're just deluding yourself (like countless others nowadays, it would seem).

Go to your happy place, andy....

But if I do they'll start making fun of me again!

And I see that that Roger idiot is rogering me again.  Amazing, now that I only come on here once every week or so, that these same retards keep saying that I have nothing better to do. (lol)

I appreciate your humor though, and if I noticed you added a post to a topic I'm sure to read it :)

Pithy?  Yes.  A bit too much maybe.  I suspected that was your point, but a newcomer isn't likely to make the distinction between training and studying and practicing or whatever.

I agree BTW with this and a recent post of Ozzie's saying more or less the same thing.  People talking about study plans seem to be after a quick fix.  Become an active tournament player, seriously analyse your games, read a few chess books, and after your progress hits a wall we can talk about which endgame book you should by.  Until then the important thing is that you study a book... any book!  (Instead of spending 2 months talking about about how you're going to buy it).

Run 10 miles a day, 2 OJ's and bench press.

Play my single "I think i can beat Mike Tyson"

......... and if that does not work.

Say what Iverson said...  "We talking about practice......"

Chasing a chicken used to work in the 70's.

Hey just do not wash up 8 days before a game and eat something horrible. I know somebody who tried this here. Not sure if they told the truth but i somehow doubt they lie from the stories i heard here.

I would call that part of studying, not training.

Well, I'm sure if you gave the OP your definition of studying he'd agree that that's what he was trying to ask about.

I'm glad to hear that.  I do still make "serious" comments btw in Game Analysis, although not as many as I used to, because 1) there are other capable types who usually beat me to it, such as pfren, paulgottlieb, and yes, you yourself, wafflle; 2) I don't come in here nearly as much as I used to; and 3) (frankly) people don't seem to notice my remarks nearly as much without the NM next to my name...although that also has a down side, as I've commented on before.

I come on here now once in a while to have some fun and hang out and chat with fellow goobers, and that's one big reason that I'm so "silly" around here nine-tenths of the time.  Another though is because there is so large a percentage of nonsense around here that it definitely lends itself to spoofing and parody.

Perhaps such an approach makes me a dirtbag.  I don't know.  But frankly wafflle, I think sometimes you go to the opposite extreme and humor and coddle those who perhaps ought to be hearing the blare of a wake-up call in their ears instead. 

I suppose you have a point.  I guess I still had the memory of that guy on the other site in my mind and I allowed them to blend together.

Still, aren't there lots of such resources out there (many of them a mere google away)?

Hehe, it's not as if I don't get tired of it when I see the same stuff posted for the thousandth time.  Frankly I'm not as funny, so I count on others to do the funny parody stuff.  (I try now and then).  If it was all serious all the time I'd get tired of the forum and leave... and sometimes I want to joke around but can't think of anything funny to say lol.

As for the coddling, I wasn't aware I was doing that :p   I guess I always go back to when I first became interested in chess.  I loved the game a lot, but no one around me played, and I had no one to talk to about it until I finally found a local club after 3 years.  So I imagine the same ignorance and excitement I had and just try to give what I think is a reasonable answer.

True.  I just get tired of the "hug therapist" approach to things that seems prevalent nowadays.  The notion that it doesn't really matter what wisdom you have imparted (if any), so long as you had a pleasant (or at least not unpleasant) interchange.  That's why, brusque though a guy like pfren is sometimes, he often acts as a bracing tonic around this place.

After a long hard day of training try this little relaxation technique to get those creative juices flowing..

Lying down, spread out your arms and legs, close your eyes and deeply breathe in and out 5 times. Now imagine you're floating in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, surrounded by thousands of tiny sea horses, they're whispering to you, telling you how creative and handsome you are. You pick one up, only its no longer a sea horse but a clam, you open the clam and inside is a sparkling diamond ring. The sea priestess has proposed to you. You will now carry her babies and rule Mermon for 5000 years. Now open your eyes. Feel refreshed?