Last night, I lost my Black Bishop on a2 because it got trapped by b3, and for some reason, it made me especially livid.
I think I was still kinda smad and recovering from the Blue Monday (which I literally found out was a thing two days ago), but then I realised that it's my anger that had been motivating me during the past 10 or so years of playing chess.
These days I don't really get shaken by my mistakes, so I forget that I made them and thus repeat them; however, yesterday I remembered that my fury was what fueled the fire of my motivation to improve at chess. Themes can hardly be properly remembered if they don't leave you with a lasting emotional impression, and there's nothing as productive in that respect as pure, unadulterated anger.
Anyone else feel like this?
My style is more to be smooth, steady and decisive all of the time.
Everybody keeps telling me that I'm taking it way too seriously, but I don't think I can just shrug the losses off and then NOT feel the need to play again... and I want my current anger-based motivation for playing chess to disappear completely, because it's self-sustaining and I need to struggle with it to break free because I'm a really angry person even without it, apparently.