Teacher: This essay on your pet cat is word for word the same as your brother's.
Student: It's the same cat.
JOKES!!
Sort:
A guy walks into a bar with a four foot alligator on a leash and a chess set under his other arm. The bar tender rushes over to him and says "Hey Pal didn't you see the sign that says 'No Chess Sets Allowed"?
I’ve created a chess program that mimics human play” said the computer science major.
“So it plays at GM level then?” asks the advising professor.
“No, but it does blame its loss on outside conditions!”
Jul 13, 2013
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#25
Teacher: Put your name in the upper right-hand corner of your paper...
Student: Boy, if she had stopped there I would of gotten a hundred on that exam!
Jul 13, 2013
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#26
What's the highest building in New York City?
The libary. It has the most stories.
Jul 13, 2013
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#27
netzach wrote:
Wee cowering timerous beastie!
Tell a decent joke!! :)
I'm typing, I'm typing! ;)
Little brother: Mum, did you say that my little sister have your eyes and Dad's nose?
Mother: Yes dear, why?
Little Brother: Well now she has grandfather's teeth!
Jul 13, 2013
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#28
Hickory, dickory, dock,
Three mice ran up the clock.
The clock struck one... they called 911 and the other two escaped with minor injuries.
Jul 13, 2013
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#29
Husband: Honey, I can't get the car started! I think it's flooded...
Wife: Where is it?
Husband: In the swimmming pool.
Wife: It's flooded.
Jul 13, 2013
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#30
Sergeant: Private, I think the enemy soilders are hiding in the woods. I want you to go in there and flush them out for us.
Private: Okay sir, but if you see a bunch of guys running out of the woods don't shoot the one in front!
Jul 13, 2013
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#31
Mum: What did you do at school today?
Ethan: We did a guessing game.
Mum: But I thought you were having a math exam.
Ethan: That's right...
Jul 13, 2013
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#32
Beverly: Did you like the second act of the play?
Christy: I didn't see it. The program said, "second act - two years later," so I left.
Person one: how do you kill an elephant?
Person 2: "umm.."
Person one: "with an elephant gun..."
Person one: how do you kill a blue elephant?
Person 2: "with an elephant gun?"
Person one: NO! with a blue elephant gun...
Person one: how do you kill a red elephant?
Person 2: with a red elephant gun?
Person one: NO! you choke an elephant until its blue then you shoot it with a blue elephant gun...
Person 2: okaayy....
Person one:how do you kill a purple elephant?
Person 2: idk how?
Person one:theres no such thing as a purple elephant you idiot... jezz people nowadays...
Jul 13, 2013
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#34
Lucy: How is your little brother?
Herman: Sick in bed. He hurt himself.
Lucy: That's too bad. How'd he do it?
Herman: We were playing who could lean farthest out the window and he won...
Chess master walks into psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but a clear plastic sheet. Psychiatrist says, "I can clearly see you're nuts".
What do you get when you cross a bear with a deer?
Beer
Blonde Joke
Three women - a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead - are arguing as to who has contributed the most to advance the stature of women in the world, blondes, brunettes, or redheads. After covering topics like politics, music, and religion, the brunette says, "Well, the first woman in space was a brunette! She was a Russian namedValentina Tereshkova!" The redhead piped in, "But did you know that the first woman to walk on the moon was Svetlana Savitskaya? Naturally, she was a redhead!" The blonde was a bit stumped as to any blonde accomplishments in space, and nervously blurted out, "Oh, yeah? Well, a blonde will be the first to land on the Sun!" The brunette and redhead nearly fell off their chairs laughing, but mananged to get out, "You can't land on the Sun! You'd burn up!" But the blonde's obvious initial embarrassment was soon replaced by an exceeding look of triumph, as she retorted, "We've already got that figured out - we're going to go at night!"
A man goes in for a visit with his psychiatrist.
He says, "Doc, I keep having this dream where I think I'm a wigwam. And then I think I'm a teepee. And then I think I'm a wigwam again. And then I go back to thinking I'm a teepee. Back and forth it goes, all night long; I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee, ... . I feel like I'm going crazy! What's going on, Doc?"
The psychiatrist answered, "I know what the problem is ... you're two tents." (Too tense 
)
lol great jokes guys! anyone else have some?
Jul 13, 2013
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#40
guitarzan wrote:
Blonde Joke
Three women - a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead - are arguing as to who has contributed the most to advance the stature of women in the world, blondes, brunettes, or redheads. After covering topics like politics, music, and religion, the brunette says, "Well, the first woman in space was a brunette! She was a Russian namedValentina Tereshkova!" The redhead piped in, "But did you know that the first woman to walk on the moon was Svetlana Savitskaya? Naturally, she was a redhead!" The blonde was a bit stumped as to any blonde accomplishments in space, and nervously blurted out, "Oh, yeah? Well, a blonde will be the first to land on the Sun!" The brunette and redhead nearly fell off their chairs laughing, but mananged to get out, "You can't land on the Sun! You'd burn up!" But the blonde's obvious initial embarrassment was soon replaced by an exceeding look of triumph, as she retorted, "We've already got that figured out - we're going to go at night!"
LOL you just love making fun of those blondes!
2 blondes walked into a building.
You'd think one of them would of seen it!
Wee cowering timerous beastie!
Tell a decent joke!! :)