An Irishman walked out of a bar
JOKES!!
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nate23 wrote:
An Irishman walked out of a bar
lmfao
Jul 13, 2013
0
#46
A man was stopped by a game-warden in Northern Algonquin Park recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?" The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish." "Pet fish?!" the warden replied. "Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home." "That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!" The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works." "O.K. I've GOT to see this!" The game warden was curious. The man poured the fish in to the river and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well?" "Well, what?" the man responded. "When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted. "Call who back?" the man asked. "The FISH." "What fish?" the man asked.
A priest, bishop and rabbi are arguing as to who has a better religion. They decide to each try to convert a bear to their religion within one week and meet at a later-determined location. Finally, the day comes and they meet at the hospital. The priest says, "I was singing hymns on a tree stump when a bear walked up to me and said my hymns were the ultimate truth. He's going to be baptised tomorrow." the bishop says, "I was praying by a stream when a bear came to me and listened to my preachings. He was so amazed that i baptised him on the spot." The rabbi, who's in a full-bosy cast, says, "Maybe I shouldn't have started with a circumcision..."
Jul 13, 2013
0
#48
The priest was a fisherman, but he hadn't fished in months. One perfect Sunday morning he couldn't resist. He called up the Bishop and claimed he had laryngitis. The priest then headed out to his favorite fishing spot. The hook hadn't been in the water five minutes before he got a strike, and landed the biggest fish he had ever caught--although he had seen bigger ones. A half hour later he caught the biggest fish he had ever seen. Another forty-five minutes later he landed a fish that broke the world record. All this time Saint Peter and God had been watching the priest from heaven. Saint Peter turned to God and said, "How can you reward this priest? He lied. He let down his congregation." God smiled at Saint Peter and replied, "I am punishing him." Saint Peter was confused, so God continued, "Well after he finishes, who can he tell his fish story to?"
What is the definition of the early evening news?
Answer: It starts with the words "Good evening" then spends the next half an hour tellling you why it isn"t one.
Little Johnny wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he surprised the teacher with an announcement. He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't start getting better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking!"
A boy is failing his math class, and no matter what his parents to to help, nothing works. Tutors are useless, and staying after school with the teacher is a waste of time. The family ends upp moving town and they send their son to a catholic school, since it is the nearest school to where they move to. The first day after school, he goes directly up to his room, studies until supper, eats as quickly as he can, and goes up to study until it's time to go to bed. For te next few weeks he does this, until his parents see his report card and see he has an A in math. they ask him what made him study like that, and he said that when he saw that man nailed to the addition sign, he knew they meant business.
a mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says "we don't serve your kind!" the mushroom asks "why? i'm a fun guy!"
three blondes walk into a bar, the third blonde should have seen it coming
lol hilairius! =)
I will give a trophy to the funiest joke between now and july 23!
so keep them coming!!!
OK!
PIZZA PARTY EVERYONE!!!
you get to choose the toppings!
I want meat lover's (the kind with american bacon and spicy italian sauage and hamburg and ham) with onions and black olives.
yep thats my fav to=)
any more?
Aug 5, 2013
0
#59
You know what I hate about political jokes? they keep getting elected!
kind of like my two guys walk into a bar joke...