Jokes

                                     A man walks into a nightclub with a beautiful woman on his arm. The show begins and the comedian comes out for his 1st show of the evening. The comedian says, "A man walks into a nightclub with a beautiful woman on his arm. The show begins and the comedian comes out for his 2nd show of the evening". Just then, a man in the front row stands up and says, "I think I've heard this before". The comedian says, "maybe you caught my 1st show of the evening". The man says, "No, I just walked in here". The comedian says, "well it was a guy who looked just like you. He walked in with a beautiful girl on his arm. It could have been your twin brother". The man says, "My twin brother is dead". The comedian says, "What is this, a wake?". The man says, "I don't have to stand for this" and he STANDS up and walks outside. The comedian says, "Are you out there? I can hear you breathing". The man says, "I'm holding my breath". The comedian says, "well I'm holding your wife" The man says, "That's NOT my wife" and he walks back into the nightclub with another beautiful woman under his arm. "Who's that lady I'm seeing you with?" the comedian says. The man says, "THIS is my wife. The other lady is my dead twin brother's wife The man says, You can take her if you want her". and the comedian says, "not unless you say please". Just then, a man walks into the nightclub with a tattou of a beautiful girl on his arm eating elbow macaroni. The comedian says, Is that girl from Italy?" The man says, "No just Hungary" Just then, a man walks into the nightclub, he comes riding in on a pony with a feather stuck in his hat. "What do you call that?" the comedian asks. "An Entrance" says the man. "but forget that, just give me a beer and give my pony a jockey". The bartender says, "I think that pony's had enough allready". "Well make it a short jockey" the man says, "and while your at it, give that lady's lawyer some briefs". The lady stands up and says, "I can defend myself your honor". And the lawyer says, "but I can defend HER honor, YOUR honor". And the judge says, "Well which one is it? Make up your mind, on-her, OR off-her"?  The lawyer says, "Well DEFINITELY on her. That's the best offer I've had all day". "Well take it or leave it", says the judge. "Couldn't we just drop it"? says the comedian. "Well you better drop leaflets before you bomb" says the judge. "I'm allready bombing" says the comedian. "Maybe its your material" The comedian says, "You don't think it fits?" The judge says, "Well it could be let out a little". The comedian says, "How much do you think it will cost me?" "It will cost you an arm and a leg" says the tailor. The comic says, "listen, can you put it on the cuff?" The tailor says, "I'll tell ya what I'll do. We'll forget the leg and I'll just charge you an arm". And a beautiful arm it is. "OK" says the comedian, and the tailor cuts off the comdian's arm and gives him the suit. The tailor calls his girlfriend and ask her to go out on the town in order to celebrate. He calls on his girlfriend and gives her the beautiful arm as a gift. She wears it around her neck just like a stole and they go out on the town. The man walks into a nightclub with a beautiful arm around his girl. The show begins, and the 1 arm comedian comes out for his last show of the evening. He does his act, and the audience STANDS up and gives him a thunderous ovation.

I don't get it. Well, I did notice the puns, but that's about it.

I don't know who plays down there on multiplayerchess.com those guys a bunch of comedians. Aug 3rd they come in as magnuscarlsen then kasparov now tonight they come in as johnholmes l laughed. So hard I almost

Could not play the game out. Holmes was a porn

Movie guy in 70s

              I'd like to say something about the swearing in here, shit  Out of 12.3 million members here, I am the only one who's allowed to swear. shit Let me explain. When I 1st got here a few yrs ago I would swear up a storm. shit  Finally staff said "Mr Cote if you continue you will be banned from posting." shit  I asked for a waiver because I have Turrett's syndrum. shit Eric said, "we will allow you to say H, E, double hockey sticks but that's it." My attorney showed Eric proper medical documentation from the Veteran's Administration. shit  The case went before the Supreme Court. My attorney was SO good that he was able to show the court that I got Turretts onlyAFTER being on this site. shit He did this by showing the high court my "game archive" file. It seems that every time I get checkmated, or lose my queen; you guessed it,  shit

Because that's not offensive or politically incorrect at all. Tourette's Syndrome (not Turretts syndrum) rarely involves coprolalia, which is the outburt of profanity. Jokes are funny if they are in good taste. This wasn't.