Chess humor,good stuff everyone!!
OK, so a knight and a bishop walk into a bar
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Nothing like a laugh in between some chess. Keep em coming!
I was winning a game and my opponent tried to play for a stalemate position to which i said:"the only stalemate you will experience is your wife!"
I don't get them.... Arhgggg
ChessMastora wrote:
I don't get them.... Arhgggg
you're not missing much.
Omg I have tears in my eyes! ROFL!
Right, some of these jokes are better than the others. We can't win every time but we can keep trying, so here's another try.
Q: How is chess like bowling?
A: Both involve setting up the pins.
More to follow. I'm going to work my way thru a chess terms dictionary to see if anything funny comes to mind.
Q: What does the homicide detective's desk have in common with a game of chess?
A: Open files. and...closed files.
The chess player sat down in his chair and immediately cried out "AHHH!". It was a case of discovered a tack.
Discovered attack / discovered a tack (on his seat).
All moves played in libraries must be quiet moves.
Shhhhh.
Two cousins were playing a game of chess. One pinned the other's piece. It was a relative pin.
The grandmaster was playing a game of chess when a fan came up and requested him to resign.
"Resign??!" asked the grandmaster in a shocked tone of voice. "Why should I resign? I am winning."
The fan clarified...please re-sign my book. It appears the pen ran out of ink when you signed it the first time.
The grandmaster understood and immediately re-signed.
Yikes.....
The queen was a black belt in a karate and wanted to teach the other pieces but......
The bishops were too busy with masses.
The knights couldn't move fast enough wearing 100 pounds of steel.
You just can't teach a tower martial arts.
A rookie knight was just learning how to move in chess. The teacher said "You're a knight. You move in a L shape." The knight said "Are you gonna speak English or Spanish?"
^^^ughhhhhhh^^^
In Germany, the knight is called "Springer". There was a German guy named Jerry who was going to get a show on German TV that would explain to people how the knight moved, but the cable company rejected the idea and told the German fellow: "We're sorry but there's already a Jerry Springer Show in the US. Viewers might get confused."
Two people were playing a game of chess. One player asked his friend to go get some chips.
A few seconds later the friend returned and said "Stale mate."
What? Said the player. How?
The friend said "I meant the chips!"
It was dusk. The chess park was deserted. Only two players remained, both frantically trying to promote their pawns. White held an advantage of one piece: a knight, but Black had an extra passed pawn. White was confident he would win with his material advantage, however Black cut off the passage of White's pieces, so they couldn't reach where they needed to be. Eventually White had his forces mobilized, but the game was drawn on account of the late night.
For the one about the promoted pawn, I might have had the boss tell him he was never going to advance beyond his current rank....
That's wittier than the original, nice.