this could easily be remedied with a set list of text or the opportunity to give trophies as we do already and as I have pointed out users are free to approach management if they feel that their conduct was not rewarded nor their opponents abusive language or behavior punished. We already as far as I can discern have a method for punishing those who abandon games by putting them to the bottom of the waiting list. There is no method for punishing those who are abusive nor rewarding those who are encouraging, like Kaynight. I find him an inspirational source of positive energy.
Solution for dastardly conduct

As we are humans and have behavioral traits I think that its fairly safe to assume (and I admit that its an assumption) that the abuse is rather unimaginative and somewhat repetitive. Even when i was getting insulted in Hindi it was the same, my mom, my sister, lol even my dad got it at one point. Sure someone will always try to couch their insults in a way that avoids detection, C U Next Tuesday etc but as the text file populates these will get flaged up.

First of all, Elo rating determination is coded into the software, coding a respectful language parser would be much more difficult. Second, ratings mean nothing to me and I would be happy to sacrifice 10-20 points if I could occasionally call out someone in absolutely explicit language.
Sadly your personal preferences have no bearing on the matter. Are you seriously saying that words cannot be matched against a fairly small text file and ascertain if there is a match in a matter of seconds? clearly you have never cracked your neighbors wifi password.
Why would I want to crack my neighbor's Wifi? I have my own damn Wifi. Your suggestion seems at odds with your posturing as a gentleman. Who appointed you the civility cop on here, anyway. My personal preferences may have more bearing on the matter than you think; for example, I may be more imaginative in the use of words than you are. In #18, you misspelled "feeling" as "felling", which gave me an idea. How would you like to fell me good until my man mayo goes spooey over your uvula? Put THAT in your text file!

First of all, Elo rating determination is coded into the software, coding a respectful language parser would be much more difficult. Second, ratings mean nothing to me and I would be happy to sacrifice 10-20 points if I could occasionally call out someone in absolutely explicit language.
Sadly your personal preferences have no bearing on the matter. Are you seriously saying that words cannot be matched against a fairly small text file and ascertain if there is a match in a matter of seconds? clearly you have never cracked your neighbors wifi password.
Why would I want to crack my neighbor's Wifi? I have my own damn Wifi. Your suggestion seems at odds with your posturing as a gentleman. Who appointed you the civility cop on here, anyway. My personal preferences may have more bearing on the matter than you think; for example, I may be more imaginative in the use of words than you are. In #18, you misspelled "feeling" as "felling", which gave me an idea. How would you like to fell me good until my man mayo goes spooey over your uvula? Put THAT in your text file!
Who has suggested that you crack your neighbors wifi? Let me spell it out for you seeing that you FAILED to grasp the connection. YES FAILED! It was stated that it would be too difficult to use a list of words (parse a list I think the term was) I suggested that computers can search through an extensive list and find matching keywords in a matter of seconds and used the illustration of someone who uses large text files to crack passwords, How you failed to grasp this connection I cannot say? I doubt you could crack some snack crackle and pop Rice Crispes by pouring copious amounts of milk on them and here you are pontificating about spelling and typos? I refuse to believe anyone can be so inept. Spelling mistakes? spelling mistakes?? Is that really the pinnacle of your trolling? Man you lame. Sigh, is there no sport to be had? Where are the legendary trolls at?
More imaginative in the use of words???? the term is articulate you spoon.

You can't do ratings by behavior -it's what's done on the board that counts - and if you penalize someone extra rating points it will have a net downward effect on almost everyone's rating over the long term

Chess.com is a family-friendly website. All cursing should be banned. No exceptions. That means all words, all variations (even the mildest ones, and the ones that use symbols (like + for t and ! for i). I like the idea of rewarding for good sportsmanship, but it could easily be gotten around by using separate posts, different spellings, and well-meaning posts could be wrongly penalized. Great idea though; I love the idea of trying to reward good behavior; good sportsmanship makes the game more fun for everyone!

family friendly!! i never asked any family member to log in here to be verbally abused and harassed and i'm not going to start. platforms like this are perfect for addicted gamers with no social skills. rakes in the greenbacks.

If anyone has any better suggestion then let it be heard.
OK.
It seems to me that skill rating should try to measure the strength of one's play, not of one's character. OP is looking for two different things in an opponent- somebody with an appropriate skill level and at least a modicum of sportsmanship. Why mix the two into one rating?
Sunlight being the best disinfectant, one good way to reduce unwelcome dastardliness would be by a system of public shame and reward- a "sportsmanship" rating alongside your skill rating. Like Uber drivers, plumbers and brain surgeons get review ratings, you get a "sportsmanship" rating based on feedback from your opponents after completing a game.
This way, if I care how dastardly my opponent is (and personally, I could not care less), then I avoid those with poor ratings.
It's not perfect, for sure. There's all sorts of issues with public rating systems, but as a rough guide, it works. I dont eat at many restaurants with 1000 ratings and a 1 star average on Yelp...

If anyone has any better suggestion then let it be heard.
You dismissed a better solution out of hand in your opening post: turn off chat and block the player. The purpose of a rating system is to quantify the relative strengths of players. If the rating system is altered to also include the manners of players, it no longer accurately reflects their playing strengths. It costs you nothing to come up with silly "improvements" that would make the site more to your liking. But a business like chess.com, that has serious competitors, would pay a heavy price for making its rating system illegitimate.

All your idea does is make it easier for people who want to sandbag to get into lower rated tournaments.

I expect the O.P. must be linked in some way to the Scottish Independence issue.
In before the lock.

It's not perfect, for sure. There's all sorts of issues with public rating systems, but as a rough guide, it works. I dont eat at many restaurants with 1000 ratings and a 1 star average on Yelp...
But apparently a lot of other people do... or where did the 1000 ratings come from?
First of all, Elo rating determination is coded into the software, coding a respectful language parser would be much more difficult. Second, ratings mean nothing to me and I would be happy to sacrifice 10-20 points if I could occasionally call out someone in absolutely explicit language.
Sadly your personal preferences have no bearing on the matter. Are you seriously saying that words cannot be matched against a fairly small text file and ascertain if there is a match in a matter of seconds? clearly you have never cracked your neighbors wifi password.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scunthorpe_problem