strange fruit

i know there`s a time and a place, but thats not what im after here....

who relishes queen swaps , like a nice ciante........(well it said no mistakes ?!)

I like relish.

Also there is something oddly satisfying about forcing the queen swap against someone who clearly over values their queen.

In high school I used to always offer queen trades early(ish) and often against people I hadn't played against before.  Most people would decline the trade and give me a tempo advantage. 

trading queens.

::sigh::

trading queens--at any point, and in any game--is delicious. it is butter in a baked potato, soaking the starch in creamy saltiness. it is grape halves in a light salad. it is a rasberry creme bombe in a delicate chocolate casing. it is a glass of exquisite wine after a long meal with friends. trading queens is the highest culinary flourish of the chess world.

any fool can play chess. but queen traders, ah! queen traders know how to live!

Okay, I absolutely have to share this story, you guys will probably find it just as priceless as I did at the time.

So my father taught me chess; he used to own a copy of Sargon on the computer, we had the Bobby Fischer Teaches Chess book on the shelf, so he was into it, but never super serious. Anyways, he always used to "beat me up" on the board, and I can't recalling him ever letting me win.

So this year, on Christmas day, I was over at his house in the evening, and he and I were drinking wine. I'd been hinting for a little while that he should consider himself challenged, as I'd been on chess.com for 5 months getting into the game. I'd left my board at home, so after borrowing a chess set from one of the neighbors (haha yes, "Knock knock. Hi, can we please borrow a chess set?), we sat down to play.

Now, it was looking pretty good that I was going to beat him, as he was super rusty whereas I was fresh. But there was a fear, or a pride in him that loathed the idea of getting beaten by his boy - but even more so I think he saw it as an opportunity to impress me - "See? Your old man still has it."

So we fired out the initial pawns. I was felling somewhat cocky - but then again, I never really knew if he was any good. I think he'd boasted about beating Sargon on some level, but neither of us had any clue of his rating.

Turns out he still remembered how to play attacking chess. His bihops and knights were hurling themselves across the board at me and I found myself completely on the defensive. "That's okay," I thought to myself, "Be calm. Let him overextend his pieces. He'll slip up."

It was his Queen that was the distinct menace, I think he captured my g2 pawn, and got her right into my back territory.

But his attack was unrelenting. "Alright then," I reasoned, "Time to trade down. Maybe he still remembers how to launch an attack, but if I swap off, maybe his endgame will prove to be rusty."

So I lined our Queens up. He did something else, and then I moved in for the trade, which is when it happened.

Perhaps sensing what I was up to, my old man tried the most hilarious argument. Brandishing his wine glass, he began angrily admonishing me for giving up my women, letting my girl go down, stating it as an absolute code of the honor of the Old Chess Players that "No Man Would Ever Let His Queen Die!"

Hahaha, it was so priceless. Mr. Bischoff, all vehement, me, with a look of utter dismay. I almost was like "Dad, we're going to log onto chess.com and settle this once and for all! With a thread!"

He eventually relented and allowed me to trade, but I felt ashamed as I did so. 

....  Did you win??

As for Queen-swapping (which makes it sound naughty), I'll often do it early just to prevent my opponent from castling (i.e. in situations where my opponent hasn't moved his royalty yet).

He did.

Then I won the next two. Hehe. 

whoa. swapping queens with daddy.

naughty indeed.