timers - impossible to play

There happens to be a lot more traffic this year than last, over the whole of the internet, and bullet is especially impacted by lag.
The more wire distance between you and the Live site, the more equipment your traffic flows through, and the more lag that can be introduced.
Since the site only allows a certain amount of lag, any major slowdowns, disconnects or packet resends will have an oversized impact.
https://support.chess.com/article/213-how-do-i-fix-my-disconnect-lag-issues
Me M. AdversaryA numbers are left seconds
M49s. A 38
M46. A32
Then suddenly
M 21. A31
M17. A 26
A wins while Losing! Yhis conspircy is truei wastrying ery hard to see how they do itbut o way
Down with chess kom

get better internet (very simple)

I'm assuming that due to Covid-19 everyone's on the internet now and it causes some lag? But I'm no computer expert, its just a guess.
Well I'm an amateur too — but my guess is that the live server is not in the US any more bc pings to US are usually 120ms and are steady. That's about 1/8 of a second, right? If you play, say, around 30 moves per game you, wouldn't lose 10, 15 sometimes 20 secs in a move. Maybe 5 secs would already be an exaggeration.
Afaik, these sort of pings with ups and downs are common on GSM networks not on dedicated landlines and fibre. It actually hangs, people disconnect and sometimes it's not even you, it's the other player (so that puts your "it's your connection, simple as that" theory to rest).

App or browser on the iPad?