Tom Jones is the rudest man in the world!

As a Welsh chess icon I am always looking for ways to take the game to new levels and for techniques that can give me the advantage over opponents.

Therefore whenever I go to tournaments I take my own food and drink.  It saves me money and enables me to treat my body as the temple it undoubtably is.  I always take a good portion of coleslaw in a Lidl carrier bag and a drink of Lucozade.  I like also to take a spare empty Lidl carrier and a spare empty Lucozade bottle.  Fail to prepare and you prepare to fail.

In the recent Caernarfon pro-am invitational I was playing Tom Jones in the semis.  He was a Queen up and I was bursting for a pee.  I opened the empty Lucozade bottle discreetly under the table and keeping the great man's eye contact I noisily filled it, whilst humming "It's not unusual".

By my next move I was thirsty and reached for my Lucozade bottle for a swig of the refreshing orange glucose energy drink.  "That's a bit warm" I thought as I glugged.  The realisation and the nausea hit me simultaneously but luckily I could whip out my spare Lidl carrier bag into which I blew chunks with barely the merest smidgeon splashing onto the board.

On the next move when I started eating my coleslaw Tom Jones stood up knocked over his King and without a word ran off with his hand over his mouth.

Without doubt the rudest celebrity I have ever played against.

Have you ever played a celebrity or encountered unacceptable rudeness in a chess based situation?

Tom Jones plays chess publicly?

KIESH2

Really

You pee in a bottle and he's rude?

sha na na gans

this story is bull or you are a gross fool

G

Only on the Welsh pro-am circuit.  Anthony Hopkins, Rhys Ifans, Aled Jones,  Bryn Terfel and Charlotte Church (she's proper pants) are the main ones.  Ruth Madoc as well if we're lucky.

that is disgusting!!!  i cant belive somebody would leave the board like that...utterly distasteful

Last Semptember, I had the opportunity to sit across the board from none other than Chuck Norris.  I was excited to show off my skills, for I had been monthes in training to prepare for this tournament, but after I made my first move he lept up and round kicked me in the head, winning the game decisively.  When I awoke in the hospital several hours later, I discovered he had won tournment.  Contrary to what I suspected, it was through incredibly sharp play and not physical means that he claimed victory, as I was in fact the only person he kicked in the head.  It was still great to meet him though.

Now that is what I call news.

NEWS.

I'm going to hit him where it hurts I'm not going to buy any more of his albums.

               H O G W A S H 

It's not unusual is a great song.

Why why why Delialah?

Another classic.

Tom is the greatest Welshman alive.

Apart from Richard Burton of course.

The guy who dumped the board and pieces in my lap is my idol

A man went to the doctor with a strange complaint.

"Well it's like this Doc, when I drive to work in the morning through the country lanes I start to sing 'The green green grass of home'. If I see a cat then it's 'What's new, pussy cat?'. It's so embarrassing, even when I'm asleep and dreaming, I still keep singing. Last night, it was 'Delilah', and my wife was not amused!"

"Yes, it would appear that you have the early symptoms of Tom Jones syndrome."

"Well I've never heard of that, is it common?" asked the man.

"It's not unusual," replied the doctor.

Beast719,

May I be so bold as to ask what kind of Lidl bags they were? i.e 3p, 9p or the grand £1.oo er?

I ask because I believe Lidl was sent from God, for me :^) My only buggbare is the fact that they chagre for their plasy bags ( How rude!!)

A good tip for you Beasty: I usually pick up a few cardboard boxes to stick my shopping in. It keeps the costs down and its much better for the environment.

I'm sure a box would  be just as good at containing vomit as an "ungreen plastic bag," and you can be safe in the knowledge that your sick is environmentally friendly...

just a thought hun.

P.S. Are you sure your're drinking enough water? A lucozade can't hold that much urine, surely .

I nicked the Lidl bags from my Uncle Dewi so they were free.  I usually shop at Waitrose and they give me free canvas bags for life. 

Talking of green issues I recently accidently decapitated a neighbour's cat in my garden.

Should I put the rotting corpse in the green bin (for garden waste), the brown bin (for food/kitchen waste) or the black bin (for conventional household refuse)?  Or should I keep it hidden under the trampoline and let it rot away naturally?

Beast I think I have heard about your exploits from the Lounge singers in Vegas.

You are notorious my friend!!!

Talking of rudeness.  I was playing in an OTB in Macynlllyth when my opponent didn't even kiss the sheep.  Well I never.

Beasty I reckon your all talk , no action sweety : ^ ) Am I suppose to be "Horrified of Liverpool?" LOL!

Anyone decapitating pussies, does not have the time to move "Nb4"

And your Grandparents siblings should be shot for calling their son Dewi, the poor kid, has he had councelling? That must have more of an effect that finding a dead cat under the trampoline

I bet you can sing better than Tom Jones : ^ )

what a meanie

 Someone who is unkind dear

Appologies MxO. I was wondering where your question mark was , but then I realised you were not seeking to find what a meanie was, you were expressing your view... sorry  ^ )

I quite agree, but I wouldn't give him the satisfaction : ^ )