TOP TEN REASONS WHY CHESS IS THE IDEAL SPECTATOR SPORT:

 10.  Always an outside chance one of the players will go berserk and attack HIMSELF.

 9.   The vicarious thrill of watching two ne'er-do-wells fulfilling their childhood dream  of trying to checkmate a plastic king.

 8.   Ever-present danger that one or more of the spectators will be killed by a flyin' rook.

 7.   One word -- "BABES"!

 6.   Always plenty of parking.

 5.   The unparalleled suspense of wondering how long two pinheads can stare at a chessboard   without going to the bathroom.

 4.   Players not likely to strike because of a petty dispute over salary caps.

 3.   No doubt about it -- a good chess game is much more exciting than a Pacquiao-ayweather fight!

 2.   Season tickets are REAL cheap.

             ...and the number one reason why chess is the ideal spectator sport-- 

     
 1.   What could possibly be more fun than to watch two old, fat bearded guys trying to mate each other?