What is the best way to distract your opponent in over the board chess?

Like this isn't distracting...

She has queens doubled on the 7th rank!

Tell him that you'll probably resign in a few moves since he has a won game, watch him sweat bullets and waste time trying to see a winning line that isn't there.  

Then make a face when he moves like you're surprised he didn't see it, that'll rattle him some more . 

What's her name?

Is flatulence
distracting enough?

Flat'cho'lens? I'll flat'cho'lens!

Yep, I can't see wha I wouldn't!

Morphysrevenges wrote:

if you can spot the chessboard in here, you are a better man than me!

Please take that picture down.

I didn't either the first 6 weeks, at least.

Spontaneous combustion can be rather distracting.

@Morphysrevenges thank you.

  New Tactics in Chess - eating the chili gumball of spontaneous combustion in front of your opponent, then feeling all warm and bubbly inside...

...Fart all we know, this gas alripdy happfffffened....

Big girls don't fart, the reason is that unlike boys, they are just mo sma't.
And parakeets, well they're a different bird altogether, though they may poop from time to time, or ruffle a feather.

Pinning your opponent's knight - er, nose, I mean...

  "Look, Ma! No hands!"
  "Son, when are you ever gonna do some laundry?"
  "Absolutely!"