What it's really like being a female chess player.

Well, it depends on how broad your view of sexism is. Some might even say yelling at a woman is sexism, regardless of the reason for the yelling. But I think that confuses the fact that a woman just so happens to be yelled at, with, she is being yelled at because of her gender. Sexism to me is a way of thinking that people can have. Some action performed might have the external consequence of a woman getting hurt, but whether it's sexist or not depends on the internal thoughts that lead to the result, not just the result itself.

Because, after all, if we only considered the result, then we would say a hurricane was sexist if it killed a woman. After all, it impacted a woman. But there's more to sexism than just whether or not a woman got hurt in a certain situation.

So, y'know how it is trysts, I will continue to annoy you by nudging you to think about things critically :) I'm not saying I know whether or not you're wrong, I just always hope we're looking at this from every angle. Bigpoison might think that means I don't want to make a conclusion; no, I'm fine with conclusions, I just want a lot of thought and consideration before making one.

And when I say every angle, it most certainly includes yours. I argue with you, trysts, but the truth is, I'm very happy you're expressing your view. You are a woman, and I am getting access to a perspective I don't have as a result. I consider that really valuable.

"It is a little like "please, please don't hate me just because I am extremely beautiful!""

Hehe, yeah, sort of. I guess it's bittersweet for them. So yeah it's like when you're asked what are your weaknesses, and it's actually something good and you pretend it's bad, like, "oh, I work too hard." Or, "I'm too dumb to realize how much more in my life I deserve."

So it seems a little self-serving to say that your biggest problem is that people don't know how to contain your beauty. First, thinking this way reminds you that you're beautiful, second, morally, you can view half the population as second rate, and they (men) can never equalize in this regard because they can't experience how bad a woman's life is. That is a darn useful excuse for a woman if she does something bad and wants to turn it around.

So yeah, I honestly do think that's a real factor, I'm sorry. (I know I'm not supposed to think that, but I'm better off being honest about it until I understand why I shouldn't think that.) I also think there really are a lot of things that women go through. But I don't know what to tell you. I'm a feeling human being. I know my own experiences. So when people try to tell me I don't know what it's like to suffer, whether physically, emotionally, etc., that does kinda strike my nerves a bit.

so , im a 54 years old man who is reponsable for this girl not having the common sense to delete bad blood messages and for her not knowing how to mute chat , i find really disgusting how many men will go and defend this person woithout even knowing if whatever she is complaining about is true , or even if its a girl , i do know she must be , i think  is spell, pharanoic , because the people with that illnes uses red a lot and feel confortable with it .

it does seem this thread has devolved into an excuse for male bashing. Regardless of what form bigotry takes it doesn't excuse bad behavior but nor does it take into account human failings. sexism is an important issue but it isn't at the top of the list in my book.

Is it sexist to say that there might just possibly be some very slightly more important things than sexism?

I quite agree, as I am a female chess player and a bunch of guys got super weirded out when I played them.

Elubas... I find you to be the worst kind of misogynist.  The type that thinks he understands and spouts a load of bullshit and innuendo but disguises it with but 'I'm trying to understand you' and 'is it sexist to say...' and then go ahead and say something sexist.  

If it worries you that some girls show a cleavage, wear make-up and flirt... Tough titty!  They don't need your permission.

Stop being so shocked to see a young girl, showing off, flirting, talking crap. We're 50% of the human race.  FFS. We didn't just appear here overnight! You're going to come across all types of females, because that's how we come... in all shapes and sizes and levels of intellect, and some are good and some are very, very bad.

What I would like to ask you... how come when there's a thread with 'female' in the title... you're on there like a foaming at the mouth dog on heat?  It gives me the creeps.  

Do you follow every female around on the streets like this? ... telling them their skirt is too short or to stop giggling and to not take sexual offence seriously?

So yeah, there are many other threads that have a lot more important topics (to some) than sexism on them.   So, why don't you take notice of post #343 and go spout your self-rightous nonsense on one of them instead?

Honest question, vicious answer.  And they wonder why the world has morphed into what it's become.  Chess knows no race, gender, religion, or any other of the differentiators that the hustlers batten on so eagerly these days.  IT'S A GAME!

Really, so I can't have personal opinions as to what amount of showing off is pleasant or not, etc. I'm not restricting the freedoms of anybody. I am glad for people who feel differently from me to wear what they want, do what they believe in. If you like to dress a certain way, that's what you should do. I'll like my vanilla ice cream, you like your chocolate.

It's really, really sad that, when I take the time to actually respond to the other view, instead of just saying, "things look like this, therefore, that must be how they are," it actually makes people think worse of me rather than more. And the funny thing is, it's the people like you who are making this criticism of me: people like you who think someone who has a different opinion is automatically a terrible person, taking no time to think about the difference in perspective.

So really, someone like you, who makes way more assumptions about me and my lifestyle than I do about you, is going to tell me about integrity. That's a joke, I'm sorry. I say I am understanding because I literally try to understand in every single post. But you want to tell me what it means to understand. Unbelievable.

But as to your actual allegations towards me, sexism. Well, what is it that I do that is sexist? Where do I decide that I think a female achieving something is worse than a male achieving something? Where do I think a woman's freedom should be restricted? Where do I devalue a person's ideas just because they are female? Is it when I was telling trysts how much I appreciated to hear her perspective? The fact that I say nothing of the sort, and I'm accused of it like that, it's really sad. But I'll let you have your say obviously, babytigrr. We don't always have the same views, but unlike you, I don't assume that's because there's something wrong with you. Because I can, yes, understand that you would have a different perspective from me. Sheesh.

But yeah, babytigrr. Maybe show some discipline yourself. You want to think that because I make comments about makeup that I think they need my permission. You couldn't take two seconds to think, maybe, I don't think they need my permission? Maybe it's possible to talk about what you like without thinking others have to conform to that?

Maybe take two seconds to think, one can wonder about how much sexism there is because they actually don't know how much there is? So I either support every single claim of sexism or I support none? Or maybe, just maybe, I could not support one claim and support another, without having some horrible agenda?

But you didn't take those two seconds. And you're telling me about what is and isn't being understanding. Unbelievable.

And yeah, post 343 means, if you know what words mean, that, for example, killing a person is worse than being sexist. Possibly. You can't see how a person could care about sexism and care about a person being killed, or people starving. I have to think that sexism is the only issue in the world worth caring about to be in good graces with you. Whatever. I use labels like "sexist," and "immoral," with way more care than you do, just in case, heaven forbid, I am labeling an innocent person incorrectly.

It's a game that doesn't exist in a vacuum, played by people who can have flaws. I would imagine that if a woman who wants to be admired and have regular firtatious comments, the last thing she would do is learn to play chess and join a online chess site. Why should thet have to put up with men, who think with their 'B******ks. I wonder if Elubas would be happy for a female member of his family to have to contend with all this harmless sexism, especially a daughter.

And maybe feminism is an important issue to me. Maybe that's why I discuss it. I don't know, I didn't think I was on trial, here. Goodness gracious, do you want me to research the kinds of threads you like to post on and then ask you why you do that? Can you just back off a little bit? Respond to my points, don't put me on trial concerning my life.

"I wonder if Elubas would be happy for a female member of his family to have to contend with all this harmless sexism, especially a daughter."

I'd be really unhappy for someone like that to feel uncomfortable. Though I think that, at least she's able to vote, etc, no, that wouldn't make her discomfort any more pleasant to witness. But I guess you thought that it did, because you didn't take the time to understand what I was saying. You didn't care enough to.

Are you a lawyer in the real world? You write a great deal, without actually saying anything.

Sure Elubas... Ya-di-ya-di-ya! 

#350 ... there you go Elubas.  Read that.  And then read it again... 

With all this practice of having to represent myself, maybe I'll get there. I don't know, don't you see what I'm getting at? Just because I have an overarching opinion of something doesn't change my feelings towards individuals who suffer through things. I don't like seeing a person in pain anymore than you do.

Which I don't disagree with. 

The overwhelming majority of men are not, Murderers, rapists, molesters or sexually harrass people. But the overwhelming majority of people who do these things are men. So it is a male problem. All you seem to want to do is justify it by saying it is in their nature and worse thing 'happen-at-sea'.

But anyway babytigrrr, I know they were really long posts I just made, but don't you kind of see what I'm trying to say? It gets to the point where if I argue with a woman, people will assume things about my life. If I argued with a woman, one could interpret it as, I just so happen to disagree with a woman. But someone like you would say, I must not care if my sister got raped or something because I argued with a woman. Don't you see how malicious it is to make such a huge assumption about a person out of context? But you're doing stuff like that here. So is JDA1958.