Worst excuses for losing

My grandma gave me 2 dollars so i got candy but I dropped it and then big boy Tyler ate it and I cried. I am in a depressive mood since then and play approximately 500 points below my real rating strength.

I lost a blitz match because my piece wouldn't go into the desired square. It kept hovering over the square and kinda shaking like it was struggling 

my wife was giving me my birthday present

no

My opponent turned me into a newt. (I got better...)

I thought I was you

He has a best trait for chess

I was thinking about chess openings and by accident, moved a piece to the wrong square.

I wasn't in the mood to play well

I was testing your skill

Testing only

The WiFi wasn't working.

saw this pokemonon pokemon go and while I was trying to catch it I lost on time

By accident, I time traveled to the point my clock will run out of time.

To be fair, I have had mouse issues in the past. My biggest thing is when they lag switch...that irritates me

I fainted.

the colors were switched and I checkmated myself.