3 Chess.com Conspiracy Theories

Put on your tin foil hats folks because here we go! These theories are just for fun.

Conspiracy #1: Ever wonder why chess.com has members who never play chess and only use this site for chatting? Here's why. Chess.com actually created robots that look just like humans and sent them onto the site via the newest tech. Then, chess.com programmed the robots to talk to other chess.com members, distracting them from chess and keeping people's ratings low. They do this so that people will stay on the site longer and improve over a longer amount of time. How am I sure? Because I interrogated over 1000 chess.com "members" (one of them being @25GSchatz22, a pretty nice guy) who don't know the first thing about chess and guess what I found? That all of them liked legos. So here is my theory. All chess.com "members" who are actually robots are secretly planning to not only stall other players from improving bit also will cover the surface of the Earth with legos, therefore killing everyone's feet and making them focus on treating their feet instead of playing chess.

So why would chess.com stop people from playing chess as much? My next theory explains that:

Conspiracy #2: Chess.com wants people to use their site as long as possible. And the longer people are on their site, the bigger their site becomes and therefore they get more money and more power. Remember the saying time is money? Well chess.com will harness the power of wasted time and create money from it! I predict that on June 2, 2021 as the planet's line up and the moon eclipse the sun, chess.com will reveal their hidden base on the dark side of the moon and take all of the money they collected from wasted time, open up a black hole from the mechanical power they collected from the money, and suck up all of Earth and the Internet (except for @25GSchatz22 and except for their base on the moon), hence achieving world domination without the actually world (it's in the black hole).

So what will chess.com do with "world domination"?

Conspiracy #3: Chess.com will force chess onto other civilizations. With the choice of such a decision solely in their hands, they will use the Moon's hyperdrive fueled by cheese to fly to alien system and become a monopoly across the universe! Chess.com and cheese.com (the company that drives the moon around) will be invincible, for chess has been found to be addictive and therefore brainwashing. Chess.com will brainwash everyone and then leave the universe with an army of aliens and take over the multiverse, become satisfied with their work, and happy that they fooled everyone. The end.

how does lichess fit in in all of this (mods pls don't mute me for saying lichess)