A Competition - of Sorts

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BoyStan
Robert_New_Alekhine wrote:

I've always been interested in people who can spout a brobdingnagian amount of nonsense day through day. Those people are simply quite amazing, as I admire the ability to be a human parrot. 

One of the reasons I started posting on the chess.com threads was because of a lack of me feeling irritated or annoyed by other people. There was simply a lack of talking parrots; I was dying of boredom.

So I decided to join the site...and was introduced to a great new world. It's simply wonderful amazing how many of those 14 (or is it 15?) million members on chess.com post nonsensical nonsense, ramshackle rubbish, and yet are hailed by the chess.com community as a whole. Meanwhile, those trolls who actually make life interesting here are chased away and are burned at the stake by the angry mobs.

And actually, as of late chess.com has been resorting to one-liners and such, as those who actually take the time to be a real talking parrot are usually banned. Even kaynight now has some of the longest posts here, which mostly tell people to "get out more". 

Indeed, get out more! We need more trolls, more hijacking, more of all that chaos we had on here! Just remember the great members we used to have...ah, it was great. A_L_I_V_E--what a great troll! So much stirring up of hate, but even more than that, activity. He blasted an eternal hole in the security of the chess.com forums. His legacy still makes more and more trolls, and trolling would have died out--would have become extinct without him. Cheater_1 freed us of our lethargy, but that was 9 years ago...we have been only stretching our limbs since.

What great trolls can we speak of now? We have had many weak trolls, with GreedyPawnEater and AlexandraThessa merely amusing us. Macer75 is rather inactive, while even I have been unable to turn the tide. The mods are ruining us all.

Oh, mark my words, there have been attempts, there have been attempts! Oh, the founding of the Chess.com Troll University was a great thing...but, with tears in my eyes, I must admit that it has not helped one single bit...not one single bit.

You may think I am rambling here, but do not worry--the point of this discussion approaches. We have the problem and we have the effect; we just need to find the cause. So what is it, that ruins us?

Is it a lack of trolls? Are the mods overpowering us? What is the reason? Was there an expert trolling teacher that died before? Ah, it is a lost art! But one that we shall regain...now, listen closely.

We have several trolling teachers...that is good. A new generation of trolls is slowly rising, but can we really call such weak trolls trolls? Why, they do not even deserve to be awarded the "troll" stamp! Outrage, outrage, but stand with me...it is all for the best.

The mods are overpowering us...but how can we stop them? Revolutions, boycotts, not even the spam on the Daily Puzzle have helped us. A fan of trolling engineered the firing of several of chess.com's best mods, but CrystalMoon is unfortunately too good at her job...

Dubious-Duck saw this, but he has faded away...he is no longer active, as perhaps I was a little too sharp with him on my remarks. Oh, bemoan us, what has befallen upon us? Why this blasphemy, this lack of trolls? Screams from the fallen and falling trolls can be heard from all sides...yet nobody listens. We are like trees, and the mods are the treecutters. And there is no one on the outside to save us.

Surely we can all admit, this is terrible. This is simply terrible. It is my birthday today, and when I logged on chess.com, I see this? No trolling, complete order, no chaos, no madness! Any self-respecting chess.com member should be ashamed of themeselves! Scared of the mods perhaps? Never feel! There is only CrystalMoon handling the forums now, and we can overpower and annihlate them with the mere strenght of numbers! 

Come upon your horses, become knights in shining armor! Gallop towards the mods, and we will defeat them! Become an expert troll, join us at the Chess.com Troll University. With your support, we will rule the forums and none of those boring members will ever rest in peace! 

I have a proposition for all of you...come closer, come closer...yes, that is close enough. Now, shh....the mods can hear us. Listen...

Yes...we can overthrow the mods. And we still start right here, right here! I can hardly control my excitement! I will shout and yowl towards the skies! The final revolution on chess.com begins!! And it all starts with you...

You know how? I will tell you how. Once again, the mods will die from lack of numbers...you become a troll, you approach closer and closer, and pandemonium! Chaos! The utmost defenstration of the mods!

But...I am perhaps getting a little bit carried away here. Firstly, you must become a troll. Join the chess.com troll university, TrollU! Have I already said that? Yes, I have, but you cannot say it enough!

But now...you are wondering where all this leads. Here...it all starts here. We have prizes for trolls, here and only here! The best jabbering parrot I can find, the longest drivel of hogwash that will be posted here...that person, will become a Level 10 troll. 

Begin! Start the fire! Cause chaos! Race across the forums, full of adrenaline and hope.  We will overthrow those mods, but only with your help! Come, help us! Come!!! 

Trolls are popular, if you belong to the in-group!

GuessWhoIAm

The type of trolls you were implying are the good ones, which are mostly tolerable and are pretty good jokesters. But I don't agree on the fact that all trolls are actually good.

To be honest, the trolls you included were in my opinion, NOT trolls, but mainly just "regulars" that made the forums a fun place. The users who I considered trolls are those that just post insults to random people (you know who I'm talking about) or random gibberish that distort your screen like crazy.

Still, people like A_L_I_V_E or Macer75 are famous for their activity, which I find it simply logical. But THOSE trolls I'm implying gain popularity by others' hate on them. Its pretty annoying that someone so hated eventually becomes the star of the show. And this has happened too many times to count. I remember one video when Jimmy Kemmel (or whatever his name was) insulted the YouTube gaming community on live TV. As expected, lots of hate comments were directed on him. But as a sacrifice, they gain views and popularity. Who knew that by makig people hate you, you could get what you want? What terrible logic! =_='

Sorry if this is getting off-topic here (am I a troll now?), but I just get pretty mad at those type of people. Ugh...

DoctorStrange
GuessWhoIAm wrote:

The type of trolls you were implying are the good ones, which are mostly tolerable and are pretty good jokesters. But I don't agree on the fact that all trolls are actually good.

 

To be honest, the trolls you included were in my opinion, NOT trolls, but mainly just "regulars" that made the forums a fun place. The users who I considered trolls are those that just post insults to random people (you know who I'm talking about) or random gibberish that distort your screen like crazy.

 

Still, people like A_L_I_V_E or Macer75 are famous for their activity, which I find it simply logical. But THOSE trolls I'm implying gain popularity by others' hate on them. Its pretty annoying that someone so hated eventually becomes the star of the show. And this has happened too many times to count. I remember one video when Jimmy Kemmel (or whatever his name was) insulted the YouTube gaming community on live TV. As expected, lots of hate comments were directed on him. But as a sacrifice, they gain views and popularity. Who knew that by makig people hate you, you could get what you want? What terrible logic! =_='

 

Sorry if this is getting off-topic here (am I a troll now?), but I just get pretty mad at those type of people. Ugh...

+1

Robert_New_Alekhine
Harish73 wrote:

Guys listen...

I really thought this was nonsense, waste of time. But...when I read the whole essay it really inspired me! Trolls are most popular members here. And to become popular you need to troll! Yes! You need to troll!

I am amazed! Trolling is fun! I support Robert! Let's do this!

Essay is convincing, Eh? 

Robert_New_Alekhine
GuessWhoIAm wrote:

The type of trolls you were implying are the good ones, which are mostly tolerable and are pretty good jokesters. But I don't agree on the fact that all trolls are actually good.

 

To be honest, the trolls you included were in my opinion, NOT trolls, but mainly just "regulars" that made the forums a fun place. The users who I considered trolls are those that just post insults to random people (you know who I'm talking about) or random gibberish that distort your screen like crazy.

 

Still, people like A_L_I_V_E or Macer75 are famous for their activity, which I find it simply logical. But THOSE trolls I'm implying gain popularity by others' hate on them. Its pretty annoying that someone so hated eventually becomes the star of the show. And this has happened too many times to count. I remember one video when Jimmy Kemmel (or whatever his name was) insulted the YouTube gaming community on live TV. As expected, lots of hate comments were directed on him. But as a sacrifice, they gain views and popularity. Who knew that by makig people hate you, you could get what you want? What terrible logic! =_='

 

Sorry if this is getting off-topic here (am I a troll now?), but I just get pretty mad at those type of people. Ugh...

Barely 4 paragraphs...get out more. 

Panzerkampfwagen_V
Robert_Old_Man wrote:
GuessWhoIAm wrote:

The type of trolls you were implying are the good ones, which are mostly tolerable and are pretty good jokesters. But I don't agree on the fact that all trolls are actually good.

 

To be honest, the trolls you included were in my opinion, NOT trolls, but mainly just "regulars" that made the forums a fun place. The users who I considered trolls are those that just post insults to random people (you know who I'm talking about) or random gibberish that distort your screen like crazy.

 

Still, people like A_L_I_V_E or Macer75 are famous for their activity, which I find it simply logical. But THOSE trolls I'm implying gain popularity by others' hate on them. Its pretty annoying that someone so hated eventually becomes the star of the show. And this has happened too many times to count. I remember one video when Jimmy Kemmel (or whatever his name was) insulted the YouTube gaming community on live TV. As expected, lots of hate comments were directed on him. But as a sacrifice, they gain views and popularity. Who knew that by makig people hate you, you could get what you want? What terrible logic! =_='

 

Sorry if this is getting off-topic here (am I a troll now?), but I just get pretty mad at those type of people. Ugh...

Barely 4 paragraphs...get out of here. 

The Old_Man strikes again!

BoyStan
Robert_New_Alekhine wrote:

I've always been interested in people who can spout a brobdingnagian amount of nonsense day through day. Those people are simply quite amazing, as I admire the ability to be a human parrot. 

One of the reasons I started posting on the chess.com threads was because of a lack of me feeling irritated or annoyed by other people. There was simply a lack of talking parrots; I was dying of boredom.

So I decided to join the site...and was introduced to a great new world. It's simply wonderful amazing how many of those 14 (or is it 15?) million members on chess.com post nonsensical nonsense, ramshackle rubbish, and yet are hailed by the chess.com community as a whole. Meanwhile, those trolls who actually make life interesting here are chased away and are burned at the stake by the angry mobs.

And actually, as of late chess.com has been resorting to one-liners and such, as those who actually take the time to be a real talking parrot are usually banned. Even kaynight now has some of the longest posts here, which mostly tell people to "get out more". 

Indeed, get out more! We need more trolls, more hijacking, more of all that chaos we had on here! Just remember the great members we used to have...ah, it was great. A_L_I_V_E--what a great troll! So much stirring up of hate, but even more than that, activity. He blasted an eternal hole in the security of the chess.com forums. His legacy still makes more and more trolls, and trolling would have died out--would have become extinct without him. Cheater_1 freed us of our lethargy, but that was 9 years ago...we have been only stretching our limbs since.

What great trolls can we speak of now? We have had many weak trolls, with GreedyPawnEater and AlexandraThessa merely amusing us. Macer75 is rather inactive, while even I have been unable to turn the tide. The mods are ruining us all.

Oh, mark my words, there have been attempts, there have been attempts! Oh, the founding of the Chess.com Troll University was a great thing...but, with tears in my eyes, I must admit that it has not helped one single bit...not one single bit.

You may think I am rambling here, but do not worry--the point of this discussion approaches. We have the problem and we have the effect; we just need to find the cause. So what is it, that ruins us?

Is it a lack of trolls? Are the mods overpowering us? What is the reason? Was there an expert trolling teacher that died before? Ah, it is a lost art! But one that we shall regain...now, listen closely.

We have several trolling teachers...that is good. A new generation of trolls is slowly rising, but can we really call such weak trolls trolls? Why, they do not even deserve to be awarded the "troll" stamp! Outrage, outrage, but stand with me...it is all for the best.

The mods are overpowering us...but how can we stop them? Revolutions, boycotts, not even the spam on the Daily Puzzle have helped us. A fan of trolling engineered the firing of several of chess.com's best mods, but CrystalMoon is unfortunately too good at her job...

Dubious-Duck saw this, but he has faded away...he is no longer active, as perhaps I was a little too sharp with him on my remarks. Oh, bemoan us, what has befallen upon us? Why this blasphemy, this lack of trolls? Screams from the fallen and falling trolls can be heard from all sides...yet nobody listens. We are like trees, and the mods are the treecutters. And there is no one on the outside to save us.

Surely we can all admit, this is terrible. This is simply terrible. It is my birthday today, and when I logged on chess.com, I see this? No trolling, complete order, no chaos, no madness! Any self-respecting chess.com member should be ashamed of themeselves! Scared of the mods perhaps? Never feel! There is only CrystalMoon handling the forums now, and we can overpower and annihlate them with the mere strenght of numbers! 

Come upon your horses, become knights in shining armor! Gallop towards the mods, and we will defeat them! Become an expert troll, join us at the Chess.com Troll University. With your support, we will rule the forums and none of those boring members will ever rest in peace! 

I have a proposition for all of you...come closer, come closer...yes, that is close enough. Now, shh....the mods can hear us. Listen...

Yes...we can overthrow the mods. And we still start right here, right here! I can hardly control my excitement! I will shout and yowl towards the skies! The final revolution on chess.com begins!! And it all starts with you...

You know how? I will tell you how. Once again, the mods will die from lack of numbers...you become a troll, you approach closer and closer, and pandemonium! Chaos! The utmost defenstration of the mods!

But...I am perhaps getting a little bit carried away here. Firstly, you must become a troll. Join the chess.com troll university, TrollU! Have I already said that? Yes, I have, but you cannot say it enough!

But now...you are wondering where all this leads. Here...it all starts here. We have prizes for trolls, here and only here! The best jabbering parrot I can find, the longest drivel of hogwash that will be posted here...that person, will become a Level 10 troll. 

Begin! Start the fire! Cause chaos! Race across the forums, full of adrenaline and hope.  We will overthrow those mods, but only with your help! Come, help us! Come!!! 

This deserves quoting often!

bunicula

have mercy!

WeedMari0
tldr but i've gotten hit by mods before lmoa
BoyStan
Robert_New_Alekhine wrote:

I've always been interested in people who can spout a brobdingnagian amount of nonsense day through day. Those people are simply quite amazing, as I admire the ability to be a human parrot. 

One of the reasons I started posting on the chess.com threads was because of a lack of me feeling irritated or annoyed by other people. There was simply a lack of talking parrots; I was dying of boredom.

So I decided to join the site...and was introduced to a great new world. It's simply wonderful amazing how many of those 14 (or is it 15?) million members on chess.com post nonsensical nonsense, ramshackle rubbish, and yet are hailed by the chess.com community as a whole. Meanwhile, those trolls who actually make life interesting here are chased away and are burned at the stake by the angry mobs.

And actually, as of late chess.com has been resorting to one-liners and such, as those who actually take the time to be a real talking parrot are usually banned. Even kaynight now has some of the longest posts here, which mostly tell people to "get out more". 

Indeed, get out more! We need more trolls, more hijacking, more of all that chaos we had on here! Just remember the great members we used to have...ah, it was great. A_L_I_V_E--what a great troll! So much stirring up of hate, but even more than that, activity. He blasted an eternal hole in the security of the chess.com forums. His legacy still makes more and more trolls, and trolling would have died out--would have become extinct without him. Cheater_1 freed us of our lethargy, but that was 9 years ago...we have been only stretching our limbs since.

What great trolls can we speak of now? We have had many weak trolls, with GreedyPawnEater and AlexandraThessa merely amusing us. Macer75 is rather inactive, while even I have been unable to turn the tide. The mods are ruining us all.

Oh, mark my words, there have been attempts, there have been attempts! Oh, the founding of the Chess.com Troll University was a great thing...but, with tears in my eyes, I must admit that it has not helped one single bit...not one single bit.

You may think I am rambling here, but do not worry--the point of this discussion approaches. We have the problem and we have the effect; we just need to find the cause. So what is it, that ruins us?

Is it a lack of trolls? Are the mods overpowering us? What is the reason? Was there an expert trolling teacher that died before? Ah, it is a lost art! But one that we shall regain...now, listen closely.

We have several trolling teachers...that is good. A new generation of trolls is slowly rising, but can we really call such weak trolls trolls? Why, they do not even deserve to be awarded the "troll" stamp! Outrage, outrage, but stand with me...it is all for the best.

The mods are overpowering us...but how can we stop them? Revolutions, boycotts, not even the spam on the Daily Puzzle have helped us. A fan of trolling engineered the firing of several of chess.com's best mods, but CrystalMoon is unfortunately too good at her job...

Dubious-Duck saw this, but he has faded away...he is no longer active, as perhaps I was a little too sharp with him on my remarks. Oh, bemoan us, what has befallen upon us? Why this blasphemy, this lack of trolls? Screams from the fallen and falling trolls can be heard from all sides...yet nobody listens. We are like trees, and the mods are the treecutters. And there is no one on the outside to save us.

Surely we can all admit, this is terrible. This is simply terrible. It is my birthday today, and when I logged on chess.com, I see this? No trolling, complete order, no chaos, no madness! Any self-respecting chess.com member should be ashamed of themeselves! Scared of the mods perhaps? Never feel! There is only CrystalMoon handling the forums now, and we can overpower and annihlate them with the mere strenght of numbers! 

Come upon your horses, become knights in shining armor! Gallop towards the mods, and we will defeat them! Become an expert troll, join us at the Chess.com Troll University. With your support, we will rule the forums and none of those boring members will ever rest in peace! 

I have a proposition for all of you...come closer, come closer...yes, that is close enough. Now, shh....the mods can hear us. Listen...

Yes...we can overthrow the mods. And we still start right here, right here! I can hardly control my excitement! I will shout and yowl towards the skies! The final revolution on chess.com begins!! And it all starts with you...

You know how? I will tell you how. Once again, the mods will die from lack of numbers...you become a troll, you approach closer and closer, and pandemonium! Chaos! The utmost defenstration of the mods!

But...I am perhaps getting a little bit carried away here. Firstly, you must become a troll. Join the chess.com troll university, TrollU! Have I already said that? Yes, I have, but you cannot say it enough!

But now...you are wondering where all this leads. Here...it all starts here. We have prizes for trolls, here and only here! The best jabbering parrot I can find, the longest drivel of hogwash that will be posted here...that person, will become a Level 10 troll. 

Begin! Start the fire! Cause chaos! Race across the forums, full of adrenaline and hope.  We will overthrow those mods, but only with your help! Come, help us! Come!!! 

Yes,it is a great mercy to be able to quote this wisdom!

DoctorStrange
Robert_New_Alekhine wrote:
Harish73 wrote:

Guys listen...

I really thought this was nonsense, waste of time. But...when I read the whole essay it really inspired me! Trolls are most popular members here. And to become popular you need to troll! Yes! You need to troll!

I am amazed! Trolling is fun! I support Robert! Let's do this!

Essay is convincing, Eh? 

Not convincing- inspiring 

BoyStan
Robert_New_Alekhine wrote:

I've always been interested in people who can spout a brobdingnagian amount of nonsense day through day. Those people are simply quite amazing, as I admire the ability to be a human parrot. 

One of the reasons I started posting on the chess.com threads was because of a lack of me feeling irritated or annoyed by other people. There was simply a lack of talking parrots; I was dying of boredom.

So I decided to join the site...and was introduced to a great new world. It's simply wonderful amazing how many of those 14 (or is it 15?) million members on chess.com post nonsensical nonsense, ramshackle rubbish, and yet are hailed by the chess.com community as a whole. Meanwhile, those trolls who actually make life interesting here are chased away and are burned at the stake by the angry mobs.

And actually, as of late chess.com has been resorting to one-liners and such, as those who actually take the time to be a real talking parrot are usually banned. Even kaynight now has some of the longest posts here, which mostly tell people to "get out more". 

Indeed, get out more! We need more trolls, more hijacking, more of all that chaos we had on here! Just remember the great members we used to have...ah, it was great. A_L_I_V_E--what a great troll! So much stirring up of hate, but even more than that, activity. He blasted an eternal hole in the security of the chess.com forums. His legacy still makes more and more trolls, and trolling would have died out--would have become extinct without him. Cheater_1 freed us of our lethargy, but that was 9 years ago...we have been only stretching our limbs since.

What great trolls can we speak of now? We have had many weak trolls, with GreedyPawnEater and AlexandraThessa merely amusing us. Macer75 is rather inactive, while even I have been unable to turn the tide. The mods are ruining us all.

Oh, mark my words, there have been attempts, there have been attempts! Oh, the founding of the Chess.com Troll University was a great thing...but, with tears in my eyes, I must admit that it has not helped one single bit...not one single bit.

You may think I am rambling here, but do not worry--the point of this discussion approaches. We have the problem and we have the effect; we just need to find the cause. So what is it, that ruins us?

Is it a lack of trolls? Are the mods overpowering us? What is the reason? Was there an expert trolling teacher that died before? Ah, it is a lost art! But one that we shall regain...now, listen closely.

We have several trolling teachers...that is good. A new generation of trolls is slowly rising, but can we really call such weak trolls trolls? Why, they do not even deserve to be awarded the "troll" stamp! Outrage, outrage, but stand with me...it is all for the best.

The mods are overpowering us...but how can we stop them? Revolutions, boycotts, not even the spam on the Daily Puzzle have helped us. A fan of trolling engineered the firing of several of chess.com's best mods, but CrystalMoon is unfortunately too good at her job...

Dubious-Duck saw this, but he has faded away...he is no longer active, as perhaps I was a little too sharp with him on my remarks. Oh, bemoan us, what has befallen upon us? Why this blasphemy, this lack of trolls? Screams from the fallen and falling trolls can be heard from all sides...yet nobody listens. We are like trees, and the mods are the treecutters. And there is no one on the outside to save us.

Surely we can all admit, this is terrible. This is simply terrible. It is my birthday today, and when I logged on chess.com, I see this? No trolling, complete order, no chaos, no madness! Any self-respecting chess.com member should be ashamed of themeselves! Scared of the mods perhaps? Never feel! There is only CrystalMoon handling the forums now, and we can overpower and annihlate them with the mere strenght of numbers! 

Come upon your horses, become knights in shining armor! Gallop towards the mods, and we will defeat them! Become an expert troll, join us at the Chess.com Troll University. With your support, we will rule the forums and none of those boring members will ever rest in peace! 

I have a proposition for all of you...come closer, come closer...yes, that is close enough. Now, shh....the mods can hear us. Listen...

Yes...we can overthrow the mods. And we still start right here, right here! I can hardly control my excitement! I will shout and yowl towards the skies! The final revolution on chess.com begins!! And it all starts with you...

You know how? I will tell you how. Once again, the mods will die from lack of numbers...you become a troll, you approach closer and closer, and pandemonium! Chaos! The utmost defenstration of the mods!

But...I am perhaps getting a little bit carried away here. Firstly, you must become a troll. Join the chess.com troll university, TrollU! Have I already said that? Yes, I have, but you cannot say it enough!

But now...you are wondering where all this leads. Here...it all starts here. We have prizes for trolls, here and only here! The best jabbering parrot I can find, the longest drivel of hogwash that will be posted here...that person, will become a Level 10 troll. 

Begin! Start the fire! Cause chaos! Race across the forums, full of adrenaline and hope.  We will overthrow those mods, but only with your help! Come, help us! Come!!! 

Nobel Prize in Literature ?!

BlargDragon
WeedMari0 wrote:
tldr but i've gotten hit by mods before lmoa

Assault is a crime and you need to report it.

Robert_New_Alekhine

Well...that certainly put the cork in the bottle. 

ArgoNavis

I find it difficult to spot brobdingnagians, but I find it easy to spot yahoos

Screw Marissa Mayer

BoyStan
Robert_New_Alekhine wrote:

I've always been interested in people who can spout a brobdingnagian amount of nonsense day through day. Those people are simply quite amazing, as I admire the ability to be a human parrot. 

One of the reasons I started posting on the chess.com threads was because of a lack of me feeling irritated or annoyed by other people. There was simply a lack of talking parrots; I was dying of boredom.

So I decided to join the site...and was introduced to a great new world. It's simply wonderful amazing how many of those 14 (or is it 15?) million members on chess.com post nonsensical nonsense, ramshackle rubbish, and yet are hailed by the chess.com community as a whole. Meanwhile, those trolls who actually make life interesting here are chased away and are burned at the stake by the angry mobs.

And actually, as of late chess.com has been resorting to one-liners and such, as those who actually take the time to be a real talking parrot are usually banned. Even kaynight now has some of the longest posts here, which mostly tell people to "get out more". 

Indeed, get out more! We need more trolls, more hijacking, more of all that chaos we had on here! Just remember the great members we used to have...ah, it was great. A_L_I_V_E--what a great troll! So much stirring up of hate, but even more than that, activity. He blasted an eternal hole in the security of the chess.com forums. His legacy still makes more and more trolls, and trolling would have died out--would have become extinct without him. Cheater_1 freed us of our lethargy, but that was 9 years ago...we have been only stretching our limbs since.

What great trolls can we speak of now? We have had many weak trolls, with GreedyPawnEater and AlexandraThessa merely amusing us. Macer75 is rather inactive, while even I have been unable to turn the tide. The mods are ruining us all.

Oh, mark my words, there have been attempts, there have been attempts! Oh, the founding of the Chess.com Troll University was a great thing...but, with tears in my eyes, I must admit that it has not helped one single bit...not one single bit.

You may think I am rambling here, but do not worry--the point of this discussion approaches. We have the problem and we have the effect; we just need to find the cause. So what is it, that ruins us?

Is it a lack of trolls? Are the mods overpowering us? What is the reason? Was there an expert trolling teacher that died before? Ah, it is a lost art! But one that we shall regain...now, listen closely.

We have several trolling teachers...that is good. A new generation of trolls is slowly rising, but can we really call such weak trolls trolls? Why, they do not even deserve to be awarded the "troll" stamp! Outrage, outrage, but stand with me...it is all for the best.

The mods are overpowering us...but how can we stop them? Revolutions, boycotts, not even the spam on the Daily Puzzle have helped us. A fan of trolling engineered the firing of several of chess.com's best mods, but CrystalMoon is unfortunately too good at her job...

Dubious-Duck saw this, but he has faded away...he is no longer active, as perhaps I was a little too sharp with him on my remarks. Oh, bemoan us, what has befallen upon us? Why this blasphemy, this lack of trolls? Screams from the fallen and falling trolls can be heard from all sides...yet nobody listens. We are like trees, and the mods are the treecutters. And there is no one on the outside to save us.

Surely we can all admit, this is terrible. This is simply terrible. It is my birthday today, and when I logged on chess.com, I see this? No trolling, complete order, no chaos, no madness! Any self-respecting chess.com member should be ashamed of themeselves! Scared of the mods perhaps? Never feel! There is only CrystalMoon handling the forums now, and we can overpower and annihlate them with the mere strenght of numbers! 

Come upon your horses, become knights in shining armor! Gallop towards the mods, and we will defeat them! Become an expert troll, join us at the Chess.com Troll University. With your support, we will rule the forums and none of those boring members will ever rest in peace! 

I have a proposition for all of you...come closer, come closer...yes, that is close enough. Now, shh....the mods can hear us. Listen...

Yes...we can overthrow the mods. And we still start right here, right here! I can hardly control my excitement! I will shout and yowl towards the skies! The final revolution on chess.com begins!! And it all starts with you...

You know how? I will tell you how. Once again, the mods will die from lack of numbers...you become a troll, you approach closer and closer, and pandemonium! Chaos! The utmost defenstration of the mods!

But...I am perhaps getting a little bit carried away here. Firstly, you must become a troll. Join the chess.com troll university, TrollU! Have I already said that? Yes, I have, but you cannot say it enough!

But now...you are wondering where all this leads. Here...it all starts here. We have prizes for trolls, here and only here! The best jabbering parrot I can find, the longest drivel of hogwash that will be posted here...that person, will become a Level 10 troll. 

Begin! Start the fire! Cause chaos! Race across the forums, full of adrenaline and hope.  We will overthrow those mods, but only with your help! Come, help us! Come!!! 

The mods are always right...If you don't like it then quit chess.com

solskytz
Robert_New_Alekhine wrote:

I've always been interested in people who can spout a brobdingnagian amount of nonsense day through day. Those people are simply quite amazing, as I admire the ability to be a human parrot. 

One of the reasons I started posting on the chess.com threads was because of a lack of me feeling irritated or annoyed by other people. There was simply a lack of talking parrots; I was dying of boredom.

So I decided to join the site...and was introduced to a great new world. It's simply wonderful amazing how many of those 14 (or is it 15?) million members on chess.com post nonsensical nonsense, ramshackle rubbish, and yet are hailed by the chess.com community as a whole. Meanwhile, those trolls who actually make life interesting here are chased away and are burned at the stake by the angry mobs.

And actually, as of late chess.com has been resorting to one-liners and such, as those who actually take the time to be a real talking parrot are usually banned. Even kaynight now has some of the longest posts here, which mostly tell people to "get out more". 

Indeed, get out more! We need more trolls, more hijacking, more of all that chaos we had on here! Just remember the great members we used to have...ah, it was great. A_L_I_V_E--what a great troll! So much stirring up of hate, but even more than that, activity. He blasted an eternal hole in the security of the chess.com forums. His legacy still makes more and more trolls, and trolling would have died out--would have become extinct without him. Cheater_1 freed us of our lethargy, but that was 9 years ago...we have been only stretching our limbs since.

What great trolls can we speak of now? We have had many weak trolls, with GreedyPawnEater and AlexandraThessa merely amusing us. Macer75 is rather inactive, while even I have been unable to turn the tide. The mods are ruining us all.

Oh, mark my words, there have been attempts, there have been attempts! Oh, the founding of the Chess.com Troll University was a great thing...but, with tears in my eyes, I must admit that it has not helped one single bit...not one single bit.

You may think I am rambling here, but do not worry--the point of this discussion approaches. We have the problem and we have the effect; we just need to find the cause. So what is it, that ruins us?

Is it a lack of trolls? Are the mods overpowering us? What is the reason? Was there an expert trolling teacher that died before? Ah, it is a lost art! But one that we shall regain...now, listen closely.

We have several trolling teachers...that is good. A new generation of trolls is slowly rising, but can we really call such weak trolls trolls? Why, they do not even deserve to be awarded the "troll" stamp! Outrage, outrage, but stand with me...it is all for the best.

The mods are overpowering us...but how can we stop them? Revolutions, boycotts, not even the spam on the Daily Puzzle have helped us. A fan of trolling engineered the firing of several of chess.com's best mods, but CrystalMoon is unfortunately too good at her job...

Dubious-Duck saw this, but he has faded away...he is no longer active, as perhaps I was a little too sharp with him on my remarks. Oh, bemoan us, what has befallen upon us? Why this blasphemy, this lack of trolls? Screams from the fallen and falling trolls can be heard from all sides...yet nobody listens. We are like trees, and the mods are the treecutters. And there is no one on the outside to save us.

Surely we can all admit, this is terrible. This is simply terrible. It is my birthday today, and when I logged on chess.com, I see this? No trolling, complete order, no chaos, no madness! Any self-respecting chess.com member should be ashamed of themeselves! Scared of the mods perhaps? Never feel! There is only CrystalMoon handling the forums now, and we can overpower and annihlate them with the mere strenght of numbers! 

Come upon your horses, become knights in shining armor! Gallop towards the mods, and we will defeat them! Become an expert troll, join us at the Chess.com Troll University. With your support, we will rule the forums and none of those boring members will ever rest in peace! 

I have a proposition for all of you...come closer, come closer...yes, that is close enough. Now, shh....the mods can hear us. Listen...

Yes...we can overthrow the mods. And we still start right here, right here! I can hardly control my excitement! I will shout and yowl towards the skies! The final revolution on chess.com begins!! And it all starts with you...

You know how? I will tell you how. Once again, the mods will die from lack of numbers...you become a troll, you approach closer and closer, and pandemonium! Chaos! The utmost defenstration of the mods!

But...I am perhaps getting a little bit carried away here. Firstly, you must become a troll. Join the chess.com troll university, TrollU! Have I already said that? Yes, I have, but you cannot say it enough!

But now...you are wondering where all this leads. Here...it all starts here. We have prizes for trolls, here and only here! The best jabbering parrot I can find, the longest drivel of hogwash that will be posted here...that person, will become a Level 10 troll. 

Begin! Start the fire! Cause chaos! Race across the forums, full of adrenaline and hope.  We will overthrow those mods, but only with your help! Come, help us! Come!!! 

Dear Bob – or Robert – or maybe Bobby? But you probably prefer Alexander, or NEW Alexander – or should I say, like the French would, New ALEXANDRE…

But wait – Dear Alexandre, or maybe it’s actually Cher Alexandre, as we’re now talking in French….

You know that Alexandre became at some point a citizen, or at least a resident, of France….

If he wasn’t, he certainly should have – many rich, wealthy or well-to-do Russians did actually make France their home.

You go to the South of France, for example, you find perfect Russian Orthodox Churches in Nice.

How’s that for a beauty?

That one used to be pretty near my own house back when I used to live in France.

I would walk by it day in and day out – above all, when taking my daughter to the crèche (A crèche is a pre-school for people too young to go to Kindergarten in France – typically aged from zero (but probably not ACTUALLY including zero) to thirty-six (thirty-six) months – and admire its ravishing and unparallelled glorious and lavish beauty.

So yes – these rich Russian people of the early 20th Century had riches.

They had money.

They could spend.

So they would spend on cathedrals and nice houses.

Which is, basically, the reason I’m saying that even if your namesake, Alekhine, didn’t ACTUALLY live in France, life in France should at least have presented an option for him.

So – Cher Alexandre –

Comment je vais commencer ce sujet maintenant? Comment repondre a ton dernier message ?

Je sent, tout en premièr, qui ton but est tres disruptive de ce site.

Regarde – on recoit un site si bon, si riche, si plein d’attractions pour tout le monde – et en lieu de remercier les gents qui le gerent, les gents qui s’occupent de la sante, de la securite, meme de la sante mental de ce mervellieux site – en lieu de les remercier, de les envoyers des fleurs, des boites au chocolat, des bons vœux – on publie un appel a la resistance ?

Quel manque de gratitude !! Et regard, comme sont-ils tolerants, de ne pas te dir d’aller au diable !!

Oh – I might have gotten slightly carried away there, my dear Alexandre – as I’m not sure that in your current incarnation you actually speak the language of the French – that is to say, simply – French.

So back to English it is, and perhaps I should, before properly opening this post, tell you that I feel myself privileged to be part of the TrollU University crowd – even though I’m not a troll and not even a trolling student – maybe an honorable member?

I’m really proud and happy, and thank the Lord and my two REAL parents for every day in which I can breathe this blessed air and follow the adventures and mishaps of those who make Trolling on chess.com a reality – or at least, those who celebrate it as it should be.

So – as part of this Godly group, I have been following, not only you, but certainly several other talented and capable members of the crowd. I have come to know with great intimacy the inner workings of a troll – of the troll’s mind, of his way of thinking, of everything and anything that can or could contribute to what is later only seen by the public at large – the results of Trolling, tragic as they may be.

It is, indeed, a most rare privilege, to be able to follow so closely, and to such a great extent, such a group of amazingly capable posters, each one with his own quirks of characters, each one idiosyncratic in his own unique, particular and no doubt half-demented way –

To learn about these variations of characters, and to be able to follow that miraculous, inexplicable process of how such wonderfully variegated minds, revealed through their open, sincere discussion within the entrails (I allow myself to express my thinking thus), those secret ways and passages, the hidden forums and courses of the TrollU University itself – how these minds later translate each and every sore spot in their Trolly being, into each of their respectively unique brands of highly personalized Trolling.

(we are still in the introduction to the post, in case you are losing your bearings – but bear on with me (or rather, more correctly – bear with me. Here we don’t just correct mistakes in English – we make sure that they STAY corrected) – it does become much more interesting later – much like that thread that I really like here at chess.com – “Could a 1300 player beat a 2700 player” – in which we have advanced and lately even proven that such an event could indeed happen, probably once in every 10 ^ 140 games (that’s quite a big number, admitted – but no reason to despair – practice makes perfect) unless that 2700 player catches something he shouldn’t – such as a brain stroke, or an airplane crashing on his head with all 270 passengers (and what model of an airplane would that be? But we’re digressing, and we definitely don’t want that – not here, not on this thread, not on this website, and not in this, the glorious and wondrous Internet, O great invention of mankind!!)

To make a long story slightly – but only slightly longer then (the story is ABOUT to start, of course, I’m almost halfway through the introduction), as I have indeed been privileged enough to enjoy the obvious benefits, such as nobody would ever need to explain, delineate or otherwise describe, of being part, or should I say “part and parcel” – no – I shouldn’t. Let’s go back to that – as I have indeed been privileged enough to enjoy the obvious benefits, such as nobody would ever need to explain, delineate or otherwise describe, of being part (so NO part and parcel, you see? Only part) of this unbelievable group, and to have inside access – indeed, the access of a veritable insider!! – if not an ACTUAL participating member – in the group, mon cher Alexandre, and to your OWN way of thinking – at times noble, at times abrupt and slightly harsh, but always creative and disruptive of every deserving thread (in your opinion) at chess.com –

I cannot help but stand at awe at the quantity of knowledge and ability, of know-how and yet of such incredible generosity, of sharing your hard-earned (I suppose) teachings in the intricacies of Trolling to other willing members – and through them, to the rest of the community – which would be most justly and aptly named, to the rest of the unwilling community – as such, alas, is the character, the quality of trolling – that it tends to impose itself upon the unsuspecting, unwilling reader – innocent as he was, he only wanted to visit a normal chess.com thread (and due exception is made to Marco, whose claim, that in anything of chess there is perforce something of trolling! That claim does have some validity which I am not going, at least in this post, to contest – lest the post becomes too long before it is even properly started!) – so the innocent (or not so innocent –but that’s already between him and God, and who am I to judge the workings of Man?) chess.com visitor goes to that thread, wanting only to read something of interest, of value – and yes, some entertainment content as well, no doubt – much like a peaceful donkey who goes down to the river to have a much needed drink of water, in a hot day, say, in the African Savana (or is the savanna even in Africa? And thank you Word spellchecker for correcting my second iteration of the word, even if it ignored the first – alas, not even spellcheckers are perfect these days – and so what should we, the simple poster and his followers, say?).

The poor donkey, or reader (and no comparison between the two is by any means implied or intended, note well – except as regards the fact of being innocently drawn to a place for a perfectly innocent, even legitimate, purpose – only to be viciously or otherwise subverted as to the actual outcome of that visit) – went to the river, or to the thread, to drink, or to read, water, or a post (are you still following this? If you do, then please write me back and explain to me what’s in it – because frankly, I have no idea!!) – only in order to be intercepted (or intercepted – you see, this one does not differ between the poor donkey, and the poor retard)- Oh wait. Did I say retard? Oh, I’m so sorry – I meant READER.

I really meant it!!

Serious!!

I don’t think you guys are retards!!

Not even for following this proper introduction to a post.

So – back to the main idea – the poor donkey, or reader (and no parenthesis this time!) went to the river, or to the thread, to drink, or to read, water, or a post – and was then intercepted, against his will mind you – by a crocodile, or a troll – and let them be as kind, as funny-in-their-own-eyes (except Marco, who is a GENUINELY funny troll – but I’m very hard pressed to think of any other example – and I mean it brothers!! – Wait – Macer75 has his moments too, and even the eventual winner of the best Troll contest – Robert New Alekhine – also manages to make one smile, more than he would had he actually been the donkey meeting his fate between the teeth of that crocodile. By the way – how would you produce toothpicks for a crocodile? And then, how would you help the crocodile to use them? And another by the way – did you know that it’s pretty easy to keep a crocodile’s mouth shut? You just press on it on top (you need some 30-40 kg of force to do so) and it can’t open its mouth!!

(continued parenthesis – on the other hand, if that mouth is already closed – for example with your leg inside it – it would take 1500 kg of force to force it open – or you could just poke it in the eye – no kidding here – this actually works, and I encourage you in every possible way to try that next time you are being eaten by such a monster!! And I wouldn’t wish it to any of my friends).

So where was I?

Let’s go back a little –

I was saying the following: (imagine quotation marks here – it’s not that I don’t have quotation marks on my keyboard, it’s more like I’m not THAT inclined to use them when writing THIS TYPE of a post – so once we’re done with this step of clarification – actually of SLIGHT clarification, because there wasn’t actually THAT much to clarify – and many readers would readily pardon me this lack of quotation marks even if I hadn’t provided a proper apology and elucidation of the fact that such is missing – we can go back to what I was ACTUALLY saying – but maybe the fact of going back to what I was saying deserves a new paragraph – as this present paragraph has outgrown its necessity, and may become even a bit too long if it continues like that, stating that I would pass to the next paragraph, but without ACTUALLY passing to that paragraph, that we call the next (again without quotation marks), for want of a better term) - 

I WAS INDEED saying the following:

the poor donkey, or reader (is it moral to use parenthesis when you are consciously avoiding quotation marks?) went to the river, or to the thread, to drink, or to read, water, or a post – and was then intercepted, against his will mind you – by a crocodile, or a troll – and at that point, said crocodile, or troll, actually foists their own will, impose themselves on that poor reader, or donkey.

But such a line of thinking would rather tend to bring us, I’m afraid, and that rather prematurely I should say, to the BODY of this message – and so, just in order to properly complete this introduction (you didn’t think that I would actually reach that moment, did you?), I would definitely reiterate and say here at this point in time, that –

I cannot help but stand at awe at the quantity of knowledge and ability, of know-how and yet of such incredible generosity, of sharing your hard-earned (I suppose) teachings in the intricacies of Trolling to other willing members – and through them, to the rest of the community, unwilling as it most definitely is.

However, all of this awe, admiration, appreciation, even idol-worship as I must certainly feel at the pit of my stomach, to every worthy troll, especially those above that exalted class, that legendary, oft-spoken of class ten of trolls – to which you, my most worthy friend and foe, the great ALEKHINE of the present – does belong at your own no doubt worthy proclamation – would not prevent me from saying certain things to you, my dear Robert – things that should have been said to you a long, long while ago – and quite possibly, by the very same mods, to whom you seem to so heatedly, so FERVENTLY object.

Let me be a voice for such mods, let me allow them to have their deepest beliefs expressed through the modest means of your humble interlocutor.

I will dedicate this post, which is about to start, to such hard-working mods as relentlessly and, as I know you feel, totally undeservedly, periodically clean up the site from such perceived trash (no quotation marks here – and you will have to decide for yourself, for your true self (see what I did here? Another rather twisted take on "my true parents"...) whether this is done intentionally, because I really feel that they are not needed – or simply as part of my general policy of not using quotation marks in this post) – to the hours they invest, to the no doubt low wages (if at all!) which they receive (IF at all).

It is to you, simple mod (but by no means simple minded!), that I dedicate this post – and here is most probably the most fitting place and moment to actually terminate and conclude the introduction thereto, and properly start it.

So, mon cher Alexandre, my dear Robert, the great self-heralded new Alekhine, lend me your ears.

I come to praise the mods, not to bury them.

(<Ziryab> I hope you follow this thread too – as your wish to see Shakespeare appear, even in a slightly distorted form, in one of these monkey-ish threads has apparently just come true!!)

Those mods, to whom you so fiercely object, with whom you have such a patently hopeless, with such low chances of actually working out or getting someplace except you being banned or shushed (I said shush!), war of quills (electronic quills, or the equivalent of such) – are the lifeblood, the very essence of this website!

HOW DARE YOU try to detract from their so valuable contribution to everything we hold dear, to everything we cherish on these pages?

For without them? What is chess.com?

A few chess gamez?

Some analysis?

Some denigration of posters’ respective characters by such eminencies as his highness, <IM Pfren>?

What is left for us without the mods?

No – we should glorify the mods.

We should thank the lord for them – AND our true parents.

We should EMBRACE them.

We should follow everything they say to the letter.

We should send them gifts on Christmas and on Easter – no matter if we are of the Jewish, Muslim or Hindu faith.

I want to hear no evil spoken of the mods in these pages. No underhanded attempt at subverting their intentions of keeping chess.com the way chess.com should be – free and clean of trolls and their outlandishly outrageous behavior and philosophy.

The hard-working mod is sweating after his day of toil. He is out of breath. He cannot speak up and defend himself.

Let me be the light at the end of the tunnel, the torch that shows the way, the beacon of sanity and of good sense in this quagmire, this veritable marsh of trolls

(as opposed to March of the Trolls – a worthy piano piece in itself, by Edvard Grieg - the Carlsen of Norweigian music in the 19th Century) –

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-3WzDJHyfI

- and let me defend the right of the simple mod, to be heard, to be listened to, to be respected – and in short, to be.

Let them be!

Let the mods be!!

Let them breathe the fresh air of a beautiful summer day.

Let them enjoy a stroll in a field full of flowers, grass and bees.

Of course – with bees.

But the valiant mod will come out of it unscathed. He will not be stung – for the mod is of such a wholesome character, that no villain creature, be it man or animal – not even a troll – would harm a hair of his (or her) body. Yellow is for bees!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OGFz9gt0-Fc

Let us join those who daily bless the mods.

Let this be a prayer to the continued good health of mods, wherever they are,

And I say –

Amen.

That’s it.

(you didn't think it would be so short, right?

(but that's me - I like to express myself in a succinct, summary way,

(or as some would say – short and to the point.

(Yeah, that’s me. That’s just me – me and no other; me and not a messenger…

).

 

 

Robert_New_Alekhine

I must admire your post, except for one thing: yellow text is BAD. 

solskytz

And the bees?

What about the poor bees?

It's either you have no heart and simply don't care about the poor creatures - or you haven't read my valuable post to the end!

How dare you!!

How dare you answer me without first reading EVERYTHING I have to say???!!!

Robert_New_Alekhine

I read everything. It's just that it was a nusiance to highlight all the yellow text. You see, it took a second of my life to highlight the yellow text.