Corrupt a Wish

Granted. But you eat so much you can't get out of bed to get to the freezer or even go to the bathroom. They have to break down a wall and lift you out with a crane.

I wish for the zombie apocalypse.

Granted, but you are the only one who dies before the world's governments stop it.

I wish I had a super-fast computer.

Granted, but it becomes self-conscious and eventually eats you.

I wish I were a super-fast computer.

Granted but you soon are diagnosed with a trojan and then promptly scrapped for change to buy another computer.

I wish po'ke'mon was real

Granted.  But your operating system is Windows 3.1 so no one writes programs for you.

I wish I were a professional golfer.

Granted.  But you're Pikachu and no one can communicate with you.

I still wish I were a professional golfer.

Granted but your the next tiger woods along with all his barbie girl friends and a miserable life ( on second thought maybe not that bad.)

I wish I had a trainer that caught me and understood pokemon laungauge like N (please ignore wish if you are not a pokemon fan as this will raise many questions)

You win.

Granted, but you are a Magikarp that for some reason cannot evolve.

I wish I was a professional soccer player.

Granted but you're a goalkeeper with no arms.

I wish whenever I wanted something I'd always have exactly enough cash in my pocket to buy it.

Granted after awhile you wished to know how the wish worked and recieved all the money in the world thus making all money worth less.

I wish I had never seen the movie team america world police with my parents when I was 14.

Granted, but you saw the movie at age 13.

I wish I was a cheeseburger.

Granted but the government found that you had traces of horse meat so you were incinerated instead of eaten.

I wish I had a signed chess book written by Mikhail Tal

Granted, but it was only signed by yourself.

I wish to have immortal immunity from any corruption, including anything that could corrupt any wish of mine and therefore rendering powerless and void any attempt to corrupt any of my unlimited wishes (in any way) forever. Amen.

Granted, but that's not allowed. 

I wish I was the best chess player in the world.

Granted. But it doesn't make you happy.

What is your wish?

mmm. Right.

That my over long beard was made of gold.

Granted, but someone decides to pull off and steal your beard off since it is gold.

I wish I had some kiwi juice.

Granted, but you traded it for a horse.

I wish I had a higher chess.com rating.