GOOD NEWS --- I Have Invented Nothing ( lol )

Actually you have shown that you can spell "INVENTED" Now that is an accomplishment.

I have invented several things but someone else made it for the public and got rich. Does that count?

Here is a two-part invention.

@vulpesVelox - I am intrigued by your salad dressing claim. Is this a dressing for white or black? And can it be used against the Parham? I once tried using a raspberry vinagrette against the Queen's Gambit, but it didn't work very well. I think there was a little bit too much acid in it. It was overpowered by an unexpected radicchio sac followed by an Oregano and Feta combination. In any event, these were hardly novel ideas, and I shall continue using my mundane Low-Fat Italian against 1.e4 from now on.

First off: The dressing is high octane but it's neither black or white, rather... undefineable... - loads and loads of carbs and citrus acids and secret ingredients like mud and legos.

When confronted with the Parham, you're usually presented w. two options:
1) quickly spurt the dressing at your opponents eyes, momentarily blinding him while screaming "MATE IN WHATEVER! I DON'T EVEN CARE!!!" and consuming his stupid carrot queen (don't worry about injuring him; by now, he'll be used to the pain) or
2) Simply apply the dressing to the white half of the board, rendering it far too slippery for precise play (kinda like mouseslips, only OTB)

Your experiences with food makes me kinda sad; it's best to get off to a good start in culinaric chess in order to not become discouraged. I hate it when they don't pass the salt for instance.

On days when I've forgotten who or where I am, I usually go for the cucumber flank maneuvre. No one really expects that one at 07:00 in the morning and certainly not non chess players just minding their own business. Ignoring the comments from bystanders, just keep on vigourosly attacking your opponent at the bus stop. They will succumb, making it easy for you to steal their bus pass and as such, their whole identity, family, co workers and friends. 1-0 indeed.

These words of wisdom are an inspiration. Legos? And cucumber flanking? I never would have thought of these things myself - clearly the value of the forums in sharing experience has been demonstrated!

The one concern I have, though, is whether it's wise to use a milk-based dressing in long time control games. It seems that the opponent could use the extra time to develop a convincing lemon-juice based counterattack, which is of course much less likely in blitz or bullet.

Thanks for the input, people are getting into this idea of not inventing anything. Needless to say, in order to relax one must strive to keep calm ( hard work this trying to relax stuff  lol ). 

DenverHigh: One thing that I mentioned in the early posts here is that anyone who has a genuine new idea should get credit for it ( and you should have recieved the credit for any ideas that you had brought forward in the past ).

JamieKowalski: I'm a fan of many types of music including Classical and so of course Bach is on the list. I very much like happy melodies so I'm a big fan of Johann Strauss Jr., his Walzes are quite pleasant to the ear. 

Speaking of food and chess, I highly recommend the Quaker Gambit. Wait until your opponent turns his head, then replace both of his rooks with pieces of Cap'n Crunch. Works every time!

Especially if he's dumb enough to eat it, rendering him pieceless. 1-0!

Metastable: I'd recommend immediately switching to a different lime, for instance 5. ...Cb4 6. Sxd6!

Thanks for all of the recipe ideas, all this talk about food is making me hungry  lol.

I get ya buddy. I just took a bite out of my brand new chess book. Oh, the dillemmas in life! :(

Bishops make excellent coffee stirrers, by the way.

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In Scandinavia it's common practice to dip it and eat it after the game. Then we congratulate each other for making it to the tournament hall in one piece, what with the cats and dogs constantly raining from the skies.

Sorry for the spam/hijack btw, Cabadenwurt and assorted gentlemen, but this thread is simply irresistible :)

I don't think it's possible to hijack this thread. 

Well yes this thread is all in fun but I must add a word of caution. If you happen to get on an Airplane and see your friend Jack do NOT say Hi----. Much better to say " Good Day Jack "  lol.   

No problems there, usually I'm held back in customs due to the exotic chess pieces/lunch.

Denverhigh you have a ant whenever you post. Likes ants?

Carls Junior. But this is a common mistake with cheap people.