Good roasts

Was that an insult, or did you just introduce me to your vocabulary’s highlight?”
“Oh, you’re waiting for me to care? Better pack a lunch; it’s gonna be a while.”
“Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.”
“I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
“Sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.”
“Your opinion is very important to me. Please hold on until I pretend to care.”
“I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.”
“Wow, you should come with a spoiler alert: ‘Predictable Plot Twists Ahead’.”
“If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth.”
“I’d explain it to you, but I left my English-to-Nonsense dictionary at home.”Oh, interesting. Next topic.”
“Yawn. Wake me up when you’re done.”
“And…your point is?”
“Error 404: F**ks not found.”
“Shine on, the shade doesn’t reach me.”
“Unaffected. Try again.”
“Seen worse, heard better.”
“Still standing. Keep trying.”
“Your words, my motivation.”
“Grew from it, thanks.”Aww, did I step on your ego? I barely felt it.”
“Congratulations on mastering the art of unrequested opinions.”
“Your approval is essential… to someone who cares.”
“I’m sorry, were you talking to me? I thought there was a problem that mattered.”
“Oh, you’re judging me? Hold on, let me take notes.”
“Bless your heart. Trying so hard, aren’t we?”
“I cherish your insights as much as finding gum on my shoe.”
“Keep talking. I love the sound of your voice getting farther away as I walk.”
“Your negativity is the only joke here.”
“Thanks for sharing. I’ll file it under ‘Irrelevant