HELLO

                                        Have you seen these forums?.......my god, the're NUTS in there.                                                        (Steve)......AGREED...                                                                                                        Most of the spirit activity occurs in "General Chess Discussion"........"Off-Topic".......and a little bit in "Help & Support".  I don't think we should waste a lot of time on the other forums.  I assisted in performing an exorcism at Lichess once.......geezs, it almost killed me.

Not the end, but near there: https://www.chess.com/forum/category/general?page=4109

                                           Ah-HA!  I found the problem. This is where all the trouble originates. All the previous dead posters are living out of THIS room.....no pictures......no mirrors. They have set up a bunk bed to live on this site permanently.  I better call Stave.                                                                          That's great Amy......I'll be back as soon as I can......I'm on my way to visit with RJC.

                                             So Ronnie.....what's up?          I was hired by Chess.com to look for and find high-jacked accounts. But I'm not a Staff member so I can't do anything when I find them.                                                                  Steve.... "I was a New York detective for 30 yrs......you can't fool around with these wise guys.....here's what you tell these high-jackers".                                                                                                                      I don't know WHO you are, or WHAT you want. If its ransom you want I can tell you that Chess.com doesn't have any. But what I do have is a very particular set of skills. Skills that I have acquired over a long posting career. Skills that make me a nightmare for posters like you. If you close your account now, that will be the end of it. I will no longer look for you.  If you do not close your account right now......I will look for you......I will find you.....and when I do...... I will have Staff mute your account.

Outstanding thread.  Somebody give this man a "free prescription."

                    On the next episode of Chess.com's "Dead Forum Files"                                                                  Conflict in Erik's office.....                                                                                                 (Erik)...... Steve, all I keep hearing from my entire staff is "Spammers & Spirits". We had a  massive vicious attack on the entire site this weekend and I think you and your looney girlfriend here are partly to blame.                                                                                        (Steve)...... Wait a minute Erik.......YOU get rid of the spammers.......WE'LL get rid of the spirits...   Where's RJC by the way?                                                                                          (Erik)...... He's trying to quit smoking and its not going too well.......last I heard cops were chasing him down  I-95                                                                                                                                               

Oh......and your spirits got into the Chess.com cafeteria too....                                (Steve)..... what do you mean "our" spirits?     (Erik)..... well, take a look..... dead chickens don't just walk off the table by themselves you know.                                       

               (Steve)....... Are you sure its dead?......I mean once in Brooklyn I had to shoot a guy 7 times just to slow him down.                                                                                                                                                                                             (Erik)..... Yeh.....sure......right......maybe it was a boating accident.                                                                   

           

    (Erik)....... Wait......so you're saying, that massive spam attack this weekend was triggered by the spirit of a Great White Shark??    (RJC)... that's right.     (Erik)...... well what can we do? How can we protect the site??  (RJC).... You implement a NEW rule......No posting in the forums at all unless your riding a Banana boat...                                                                                                                                                          Steve, you better get back......I wouldn't leave Amy alone in that room with all those spirits.                                                                                                                                                                             Amy......hang on......I'll be there in 11 secs. I'm getting an escort from "Endgame Studier".....we're doin 170mph.

Will Steve get back in time?....... Will EndgameStudier ever slow down??.......  Will Amy make it out alive??......Will RJC ever quit smoking??.....   These, and all your other Chess related questions will be answered on the next edition of.........                                                                                     

      Erik,....I'm Frank.....this is my partner Mike, we're Pickers.  Danielle spoke to Shaun on the phone and we were wondering if you might have some threads for sale...?                                                                                                       Boy...you betcha I got threads for sale. By all means.....buy as much as you like.  For you guys......buy 1, get 1 free.

                                               While Mike & Frank are picking through my worldly possessions, I thought I would take this time to announce our newest Staff hire. He's a little camera shy and he doesn't say much but we looked at his resume and decided to hire him sight unseen.  His duties will be to only monitor "off-topic".  When I informed the rest of the Staff about my decision, a number of them said......."wait......you can't hire.......that's Bigfoot".      EXACTLY.....I said.  Have you seen the people on CNN shooting every day?   THIS guy lives in the woods......bothers NOBODY. We ran a CORI check on him and he came up clean......THAT'S the kind of person we want on our Staff.                                                                                                                                                                           Lets give a big, warm, happy loving Chess.com welcome to Mr Bigfoot.                                                        

What did the files die of? Boredom?

hey spuds there is this thing i did not ask for fun word game, i played a couple times n no'one ever told me how to play n now they kicked me out  whats wrong i dont have to play n it keeps coming in either i wanna play or it be gone. n just like all spuds the eyes have it hahahaha

                                                                                                                                 Why is it always cold on Chess.com??                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            It is because we are the cold dead spirits of Chess days gone past.  You will NEVER get rid of us......MU-Ha-Ha.                                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                 Steve.......its the evolver virus......Prometheus.....                                                                                                 

                    Erik addressing the Board of Directors' Meeting                                                                                                     Gentlemen please.........I can assure you there's nothing wrong with this site. A few bumps in the road......nothing we can't handle.      (Board member)...... can you explain how RJC has a posting set-up that rivals your own?? .....and WHEN is he gonna get out of the men's room?                                                                                              (Erik...... .....dam your right.......he DOES have a better station than me.....I'll talk to him. 

                                                               Amy....you ok?                                                                                                                  Yeah, but I found more dolls.....   What's up with RJC.?   He's using the site as a "sanctuary city".  Erik has a plan thow. They set up a set of DW drums across the street. As soon as Ronnie sees them......he'll run out, and the trap will be sprung. The cops will get him.                                                                                                                                 

                                       Erik.....we got big problems.                                                        We're getting U.F.O. reports from all threads and all forums.......yeah, we're gonna be here awhile.                                                                                                                             (Erik).....SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!   Jeez-us, Mary & Joseph......Son of a Biscuit!                                   Amy is going to look at the server now to see why the filter malfunctioned on the spam attack.                                                                                                                                                                                                             It seems to be humming Ok now.    Edit..note to self.....in the future, portray Erik as Roman Maroni........here, let me shoot that scene again....lolol.

                                              Erik......we got big problems.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            .......Cut......perfect.......that's a wrap....