it legit said she made a goodbye thread
How do you slowly move on from a close online friend?
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1 day ago
0
#23
Wait till she’s 18 then her parents can’t leggaly stop her from talking online
Rizz
1 day ago
0
#27
I feel for what you’re going through. I’ve been in a similar spot before (last summer) where someone meant so much to me that when they left, it felt like I was stuck in this weird mix of missing them, holding on, and trying to let them go.
Honestly, you don’t just get over someone that close. You are hurt right now and just need to heal. Not forget. You don’t need to erase her from your life. She had a great impact on you and the memories you’ve made with them should be treasured forever. She’s like a chapter in your story not the whole book. While she may have been fun to read it’s important for your character development that you take your experiences and move on. That’s how we heal, that’s how we grow into who we want to be.
Honestly, you don’t just get over someone that close. You are hurt right now and just need to heal. Not forget. You don’t need to erase her from your life. She had a great impact on you and the memories you’ve made with them should be treasured forever. She’s like a chapter in your story not the whole book. While she may have been fun to read it’s important for your character development that you take your experiences and move on. That’s how we heal, that’s how we grow into who we want to be.
1 day ago
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#28
Someone who helped me get out of my rough time once told me
“If you truly treasured your time together let their legacy in you be growth not grief.”
This quote also can apply to other things than just people. Loss is a part of life. Most times we can’t get back the things we lost but we can make their absence in our lives a whole lot more meaningful.
“If you truly treasured your time together let their legacy in you be growth not grief.”
This quote also can apply to other things than just people. Loss is a part of life. Most times we can’t get back the things we lost but we can make their absence in our lives a whole lot more meaningful.
theeldest1 wrote:
It sounds like you were very close, and that's great. I've made some close friendships here as well, and there have even been people IRL that I've forged a brotherhood bond with that I've had to move on from. Life takes us in different directions, and the friendships we make are the greatest gifts in the world. Online is a bit different, but the principle is still there and your case Basix, I believe your friendship with Hazel almost the same as an IRL friendship.
My advice would be to keep her in your heart, but not necessarily in your thoughts day after day (only because it's not practical). When you meet again someday, maybe for the first time or maybe in ten years, the memories you made together will make catching up easy and you'll find comfort in knowing that you have a bond through time and distance, even if you don't have contact often.
There's a song that I think might help you find comfort, and that might express your feelings. "See You Again" by Wiz Kalifa ft. Charlie Puth. I'm actually listening to it now as I write this, and the lyrics are so incredibly insightful into situations like this. I hope you can listen to it and let me know your thoughts!
-eldest
I'll tell you all about it when I see you again...
Thanks for the kind and insightful post. It's obviously a little different, given that it's online, but like you said, it's the same kind of feeling as if this happened to someone I knew in real life.
You're right about keeping the memories in my heart. I don't think they'll leave me like, ever.
As for the song, I've heard that song before. It's pretty good, and relatable to posts like this!
1AncientConcavenator wrote:
Hey, I just want to say: thank you for sharing this. You didn’t just write a thread — you poured your heart out, and I think a lot of us feel honored just to read it. This kind of openness isn’t easy, especially in a space where people usually keep things light or surface-level. You turned a post into a mirror for everyone who’s ever felt something similar and couldn’t put it into words.
What you had with Hazel wasn’t just a friendship, it was connection, the kind that hits the depths of your heart. And when someone like that leaves especially suddenly it feels like a whole part of your emotional world just vanishes, leaving this quiet, lingering ache. It’s apart of life. It’s very hard to get over this struggle and theres a couple of things you could do.
What you had with Hazel wasn’t just a friendship, it was connection, the kind that hits the depths of your heart. And when someone like that leaves especially suddenly it feels like a whole part of your emotional world just vanishes, leaving this quiet, lingering ache. It’s apart of life. It’s very hard to get over this struggle and theres a couple of things you could do.
Thanks for noticing. Like I said in my post, I've wanted to post something like this for a while now but never got around to writing it. I hope this shows others that opening up about things like this is usually best for you, even if difficult to do.
And yes, she and I were very close. I don't regret becoming emotionally attached to her, it's just been hard since she left a bit ago.
1 day ago
0
#31
ButterWing wrote:
#23 that will take years
True but it’ll still work
KeSetoKaiba wrote:
@BasixWhiteBoy (and also those in similar situations), I've experienced this before too. For me it wasn't on chess.com, but I got emotionally close to people who abruptly left (for one reason or another; I've experienced this more than once with each time it feeling a bit different from the others).
Here's what I can share. First of all, your response is a common reaction. Not only that, but the abrupt end to your pattern is something that can feel like it needs closure. You were sharing time with this person for hours each day and then it just... stops. Yeah, that sudden change will definitely leave you feeling alone, or in disbelief, or maybe even a bit confused. You'll have to make the difficult decision to move on. You need to find your own way of processing this loss and to move forward. Yes, I said loss. It is the same if someone immediately died, or got sick, or maybe they are doing great, but just far away from you; your brain doesn't make a distinction chemically speaking; your brain just knows they aren't with you now and that hurts. It can feel saddening, or even a bit soul-crushing.
You can still keep the good memories and time together. Moving on doesn't mean that you need to completely forget about their existence, but it does mean that you need to truly be okay with moving on. As mentioned, I've had sudden departures like this before too. The longest I've ever gone before moving on was probably about a month. You feeling this way after 8 months takes a lot of mental and emotional resolve. You must be a very strong person to continue forward in this situation. Some people go years in this state, or may even go the rest of their lives in this phase... never finding closure and never moving on. You don't have to be like this. You can do something about it.
I'd research how to find closure as well as how to deal with heartbreak. Heartbreak and closure definitely applies to romantic relationships, but they can also apply to friendships, or even processing the death of a loved on. Your brain doesn't really make the distinction, so the ways to process this and move on are similar. Research it and find what works for you.
I'm sorry for you being in this situation and I really do wish you the best in processing how you feel and learning to move forward.
You're spot on about the first part. When you go from talking to your BEST FRIEND for soooo many hours every day to waking up and realizing that that person is no longer here, it's difficult, even so many months later. Moving on is obviously the best thing for me, even if it is incredibly difficult, and probably impossible.
The memories keep me going. It makes me feel happy that I got to spend so much time with her and make so many precious memories with her throughout our months spent talking to one another, but it also leaves me with a feeling of light sadness. Still, keeping the memories in mind is probably a good thing rather than a bad one.
I'll do a bit of research. I'm sure there are things I can do to make myself feel a bit better. If you have anything specific in mind, please let me know.
Thanks for being so nice and understanding. Your post and willingness to help means a lot to me. I hope you have a great rest of your day and are doing well!
1AncientConcavenator wrote:
I feel for what you’re going through. I’ve been in a similar spot before (last summer) where someone meant so much to me that when they left, it felt like I was stuck in this weird mix of missing them, holding on, and trying to let them go.
Honestly, you don’t just get over someone that close. You are hurt right now and just need to heal. Not forget. You don’t need to erase her from your life. She had a great impact on you and the memories you’ve made with them should be treasured forever. She’s like a chapter in your story not the whole book. While she may have been fun to read it’s important for your character development that you take your experiences and move on. That’s how we heal, that’s how we grow into who we want to be.
Honestly, you don’t just get over someone that close. You are hurt right now and just need to heal. Not forget. You don’t need to erase her from your life. She had a great impact on you and the memories you’ve made with them should be treasured forever. She’s like a chapter in your story not the whole book. While she may have been fun to read it’s important for your character development that you take your experiences and move on. That’s how we heal, that’s how we grow into who we want to be.
Forgetting won't work and will be rather impossible. Moving on will be just as difficult, but ideally, it will get better with time. I have a great life, plenty of friends, and need the little things to keep me going.
Thank you for your posts throughout this thread. It means a lot.
hm idk my close online friend left abruptly cause I was too depressing
1 day ago
0
#35
I like to imagine they’re living a happy life with their family and irl friends. I’ve lost contact with a good few people, and some of them in less than healthy emotional states. I worry, but I reassure myself that they’re ok, even if I don’t know.
#34 real.
1 day ago
0
#37
Bookmark this thread and read it again in 10 years. You're gonna be shocked you ever cared this much in the first place.
1 day ago
0
#38
Actually my advice in #37 applies to about 99% of the posts on otf
OneThousandEightHundred18 wrote:
Bookmark this thread and read it again in 10 years. You're gonna be shocked you ever cared this much in the first place.
RUDE
Sorry you're going through this, Basix.
I've had something quite similar happen about two years ago, but I never got a chance to say my goodbyes to anyone. I haven't let go, and I hate the fact that everything ended in such a blur. You can't just "let go and move on," you just can't. I'm not sure whose idea that originally was, but they need to rethink that for a moment.
I never met Hazel, but she obviously seems really important to you, and still does, even if you haven't seen each other for quite some time.
I'd just try to cherish the memories you two made together. You never mentioned having regrets in the OP (unless im blind..) but I'm sure there are some somewhere. Maybe you have an unresolved argument, you could have said something differently, or you feel like this is your fault. Just try to push those feelings down and replace them with something positive (this sounds like annoying pep talk, but please-). I'm sure she misses you just as much as you miss her. You'll probably see each other again some day. It might not be as close as you'd like, but just keep in mind that it's not impossible. I hope that yall are able to get back in touch at some point, even if it's not soon.
@BasixWhiteBoy (and also those in similar situations), I've experienced this before too. For me it wasn't on chess.com, but I got emotionally close to people who abruptly left (for one reason or another; I've experienced this more than once with each time it feeling a bit different from the others).
Here's what I can share. First of all, your response is a common reaction. Not only that, but the abrupt end to your pattern is something that can feel like it needs closure. You were sharing time with this person for hours each day and then it just... stops. Yeah, that sudden change will definitely leave you feeling alone, or in disbelief, or maybe even a bit confused. You'll have to make the difficult decision to move on. You need to find your own way of processing this loss and to move forward. Yes, I said loss. It is the same if someone immediately died, or got sick, or maybe they are doing great, but just far away from you; your brain doesn't make a distinction chemically speaking; your brain just knows they aren't with you now and that hurts. It can feel saddening, or even a bit soul-crushing.
You can still keep the good memories and time together. Moving on doesn't mean that you need to completely forget about their existence, but it does mean that you need to truly be okay with moving on. As mentioned, I've had sudden departures like this before too. The longest I've ever gone before moving on was probably about a month. You feeling this way after 8 months takes a lot of mental and emotional resolve. You must be a very strong person to continue forward in this situation. Some people go years in this state, or may even go the rest of their lives in this phase... never finding closure and never moving on. You don't have to be like this. You can do something about it.
I'd research how to find closure as well as how to deal with heartbreak. Heartbreak and closure definitely applies to romantic relationships, but they can also apply to friendships, or even processing the death of a loved on. Your brain doesn't really make the distinction, so the ways to process this and move on are similar. Research it and find what works for you.
I'm sorry for you being in this situation and I really do wish you the best in processing how you feel and learning to move forward.