How to be swexy for the summer, with Basix.

Every single day, I wake up early, check my notifications, and see dozens of messages saying something like, “Basix, what’s your secret to swexyness?”. Now, people want to be swexy for many reasons. Some want to impress their crush, become more attractive, or to say “ooooolala” when they look at themselves in the mirror. These are all perfectly good reasons to wake me up with a very loud chess.com notification on my phone. Last night, when I was staring at the ceiling blankly with my deepest thoughts, I realized that I had ignored each and every one of your messages. So today in this thread, I’ll be showing all of you my guide on how to be the swexiest you can be, increasing your mood, confidence, and appearance. It’s almost summertime, when the weather is the hottest, and people feel their best. With so many words on a page to read, I’ll first say that reading the entire post is the first step to a swexy personality. Good luck to all of you, and I hope this helps.

The first step to becoming a swexy individual is to start off your morning correctly. Instead of standing up out of bed daily like a normal person, you need to practice rolling out of bed and falling flat on your face. This will wake you up faster and make you look energized and ready for the day. You want to dress casually, with bright colors to attract attention, and wear the exact same thing every day, since you don’t want to mess with success. For breakfast, eat a ripe banana and a strawberry breakfast bar to fuel you for the morning. Then, it’s time for teeth. Brush your teeth with a very fancy toothbrush for a minimum of ten minutes, very hard. Your gums will be red, and your teeth will be white, like a candy cane. For your hair, you want to apply hair spray and/or hair gel so that your hair looks peach-perfect. Brush it for around five minutes to your favorite playlist, and that’s all! All that’s left is for you to respond to all of your chess.com messages with details and perfect grammar.

After this, you get on with your day. Whether you’re going to the pool, work, or plan to stay on OTF for the whole entire day, you need to do whatever is needed to attract attention. If it’s raining outside, you don’t need an umbrella. Instead, turn the heads of people by walking through the rain with your hands in the pockets of your bright yellow shorts. Be the one to jump off the desks in school, balance oranges on your face, and do whatever is needed to turn the heads of people. If you’re limited to the internet, then try using a picture from a pool floatie as your profile picture. Maybe try writing extremely long and cringeworthy threads for the reaction of an upvote and a thumbs-up reaction (ahem, ahem)! And hey, being a nice person never hurt either. And use the term “swexy” whenever possible. This will help you out.

And of course, you need to get your tan on. Lie un the sun for hours pondering about your deepest thoughts until you fall asleep. A painful sunburn will linger for a few days, but it will all be worth it to post it on your social media.

And after a long and tiring day of swexyness, it’s time for you to get your swexy sleep. Go to bed early, and then watch TV until late at night. Make sure you’re rested enough to be your swexiest self the next day. And then… You do it all over again. Hopefully, you slept well so you’re not cranky in the morning. If you are, then some extra sugar in your coffee should help.

As you start this simple routine, you’ll start to see things in a brighter light. You’ll be able to scan every situation and think of what the best choice is. What I described above is not the only definite way to be swexy, but it’s a great start for beginners. Of course, if you have any questions, you can become my hundredth messenger of that day. The swexy lifestyle is not for everyone, but I think some of you are ready. Thanks for making it all the way down here and for reading this amazing thread all the way through. Let me know how the journey goes, and if I can help. 

One more thing.

Keek!

I see.

I hope this helps, dears!

#6 howwww???

This is useful for all, whether you have a girlfriend or not.

I'm literally gobsmacked 😲

There's more to it of course, but this is just in simple terms. I want to see tans on all of you soon.

We should build a shrine to the great god Basix, god of swexiness. What do you suggest we decorate it with, oh great Swexy One?

Well, if it's ok with you, I'd love to tell her all of your darkest secrets.