Jokes

Put all the jokes you know here:

knock knock:

Who's there?

(person runs)

Who' there?

lol 

There are 10 kinds of people in this world.  Those who understand binary and those who don't.

 

I'll bet only two people get this.

I understand a binary clock but not you.

A passed pawn comes home from work one day driving a fancy new car. His wife is astonished and says "Honey, I don't think we can afford this nice new car on your salary." The passed pawn says "Relax, I'm about to get promoted!"

now I undestand but the two people who undestnad, are they one of us or them.

---

yes

funny

great ones. Where did you get them?

John o' Reilly is down at the local pub with his mates
they've had a bit to drink and one of the guys suggests a toasting competition
handful of toasts are proposed but nothing to write home about
John gets up, lifts his glass and says...
"here's to spending lots of time between my wife's legs"
being a tad inebriated the mates are impressed and declare John the winner
he gets home with his prize, a case of beer
his wife moans at him for spending too much money on a whole case
"not to worry", says John, "I won it with my brilliant toast I made"
"so, what was your brilliant toast ?" she asks
John now feeling foolish, told her he toasted to sitting next to her in church

next day, she goes with John to the pub
all his mates are there and hit him on the back and congratulate him again
wife says..."Well to tell you the truth, he's only been there twice this year"

"first time he fell asleep...",
"and the second time I had to pull him by the ear to make him come."

all are funny

everyone says HELLOOOOO

Not too good at jokes but heard this one today and it gave me a laugh.

 

So,,,A 70yr old man and a 25yr old stunningly beautiful girl walk into a jewelery store late one friday afternoon.

The old man say's to the jeweler, *let me see a diamond ring for this beautiful young girl*

The Jeweler goes in back and returns saying *here is one for $5000*.

The old man replies *Oh no,, I would like something much more special*.

So the jeweler goes to the back and returns again and say's * here is one for $40,000*

The girl, blushing and fighting to conceal her smile, starts to quiver as the old man replies *I'll buy it!*

The old man then informs the jeweler he'll have to pay by check and say's to the jeweler, *I know you'll need to confirm the funds on this check, so monday morning call the bank and monday afternoon I'll be in to pick it up!*

 

Monday morning arrives, the jeweler phones the old man and say's *there are no funds at all in this account*.

The old man replies *I know you silly fool, now let me tell you about the weekend I had!!!*..

lol

last one is good.

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever. Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.

Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done.

Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.