A customer at Stingray Fishmongers marvelled at the owner's quick wit and intelligence.
'Tell me, Simon, what makes you so smart?'
'I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone, 'Simon replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear.' But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant.'
'You sell them here?' the customer asks.
'Only $4 apiece', says Simon.
The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter.
'You didn't eat enough, 'says Simon. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry.
'Hey, Simon, 'he complains, 'you're selling me fish heads for $4 a piece when I can buy the whole fish for $2. you're ripping me off!'
'You see?' says Simon, 'you're smarter already.'
Jokes Eternity
Beep
Again, beep
wut
Beep
Red Indian’s were in search of the new chief after the demise of their experience Chief. They all decided to elect the chief's son who was well educated. However the new boss never had any skills on predicting the weather or any other such things. It was autumn. The Red Indians on the remote village asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be severe or mild. He could not predict how the weather was going to be looking at the sky. However he looked at the data and noticed that the winter was harsh at that particular month and hence he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be as bad as it was in the previous year and hence instructed everybody to collect wood to prepare for the winter. Being a shrewd leader, he decided to get some help from the research analysts who work in the weather forecast department. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be bad?" "It looks like this winter is going to be terrible," the meteorologist at the weather service responded. Buoyed by the answer the Chief went back to his people and asked them to be prepared for severe cold winter and told them to collect even more wood. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it going to be a cold winter?" "Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "It definitely will be very severe one". Now the Chief was confident about his instructions. He once again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find. After Two weeks, he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?" "Absolutely," the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever." "How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked. The weatherman replied, "The Red Indians are collecting wood like crazy!!"
[Grocery Produce Aisle]
Me: Are these carrots gentically modified?
Clerk: No, why do you ask?
Carrot: Yeah, why do you ask?
Lame
"Beep."
Beep Boop. Boop Beep?
*world explodes for no reason*
“Dang it!”
BeepLol