life
That's an interesting point. First of all I haven't found the words quite yet to explain my position.
Secondly I don't expect that when I do anyone will be convinced of anything.
My desire my friend is to have peace for me. I want to be free. Liberated.
That we project values on to things such as meaning and beauty and moral.
My final piece to the jigsaw is to understand how the I, how the me as I imagine myself to be, or experience myself to be, fits into this picture.
How my individual consciousness is a part of things.
Once I've found that I can be truly at one with the everything.
I'm almost there and I know how to make the final step.
Don't worry and map.
I'll tell you what though. Verily I say unto thee the illusion will continue.
Fact!
It has since occurred to me, that if anyone, wants to hear the litany of arguments, against 'free will' ; Then, type-in, "Sam Harris"..'free-will' on "YouTube." ..{or even, 'free-will' and 'determinism'} ..
And, if one wants to read about it .. then 'Google' similar wording, on your friendly, 'search engine' of choice! [ :
Truth, be Known .. {see below}.. Even, if many of us, give it only passing acknowledgement.. to None-at-all ! ..Ie. Despite the Naysayers, of which there are many.. {with even their 'smooth-tongued' words to the contrary}.. It's All part of a Great Experiment.. where {divine}, 'interference'.. keeps, a 'low profile' if you will !

I don't mean like don't solve a problem in your life. Like let the effing kettle stay broken.
I more mean like when you mentally conceive a problem then choose not to solve it.
The 'Hound of Heaven' Poem ..{also, on "YouTube".. as read by, the 'late' "Sir Richard Burton".. as I recall}.

Firstly logically I accept that only nature exists. There is no self, no soul, no being.
Secondly because I had learned that when I chose to solve I became mentally ill and knowing that I no longer took that option naturally as its an intrinsic desire to be healthy. So I could see the idea of choice was an illusion.
The solution to my OCD wasn't that I was choosing not to solve but that I had recorded how my mind works.
I'd learned that solving leads to paranoia and therefore if at all possible it's better not to.
Remember I'm talking about mentally solving rather than practically.
For me the illusion never stops but what can be achieved is that we can see through it and understand it.
And that my friends can be put into words.