In America, you pee in toilet. In Soviet Russia, toilet pee on YOU!
The Zen/Joke Game
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In Matrix, you bend spoon.
In Soviet Russia, spoon bends YOU!
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.
Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies.
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
The road to success is always under construction.
"A good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you when forget-me-nots have withered. Carve your name on hearts, not on marble."
"Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves."
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."
"When I hear somebody sigh, "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?""
"The consequences of today are determined by the actions of the past. To change your future, alter your decisions today."
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
"I can avoid being seen if I wish, but to disappear entirely, that is a rare gift."