tomtrytostay

so it occurred to me that what I should do is watch how I think and eventually I'd see what was happening inside my mind. See how I was thinking in a faulty way. I tried this a while and got nowhere. Finally I got to see a cbt therapist. I saw him for a few years actually but what really helped me was what I saw in the very first session. He made a diagramme and that gave me the idea of mapping my mind. Making a note of the patterns that I saw. So I could see the bigger picture. 

  Tell him, he's a professional.

  Go on..

well at the clinic agitation I think but sure I saw the cbt therapist and it was obvious my symptoms were ocd related. 

maybe he can cure me!

so I mapped my mind for a long time . A key turning point was becoming aware of the pattern that exists when we concieve a problem. I found that if I reacted a certain way then my brain responded a certain way. I found that choosing not to solve enabled me to release the problem and relax my mind. So I kept on doing that. Letting go. Over and over , over and over, for over a decade. 

  Which means letting go, but the problem returned, so you had to let go, over and over, for over a decade. I'd call that practice.

 no meds not airline pilot. Continuing. 

anyway I found that the problems I experienced became futher apart. I felt myself getting calmer and calmer. A cool head and so on. Eventually I experienced this experience of being love. 

That was a turning point too. Because I found that I could let go of the compulsive behaviour. I realised I didn't need it. I'd been trying to protect other against me . I realised that actually I wouldn't do anyone any harm and I let go. 

I tried the regular drugs the prozac and what have you. I really liked the tranquiliser but it blurred my vision. Nothing helped particularly. 

Continuing. 

sure and coming off them was a son of a bitch. Cry me a river. 

Anyway continuing. 

so eventually my compulsion was gone. I wasn't obsessing any more and my map was finished. I'd reached the point that whatever was wrong with my brain, and I accept that something is wrong with it. I couldn't be better adjusted. I was finally my natural self. 

Come on, Tom, tell us straight. We are all nuts here.

To 860:   Congratulations: you have finally adjusted to an illusion--now you're normal!