Top 100 Forum Titles You Won't See on Chess.com

#16.  What do you find on a billiards table and in a man's pants?

Pockets

#15: The Best way to distract your opponent during a chess game: Run with Scissors

 ...while cutting his hair missing his ears if possible but that's optional,

#14: Harvard sociology experiment shows that watching Spongebob Squarepants before a chess game can help you win.

 Please...I've known that for years.

To be not sarcastic at all, I've actually read that watching Spongebob actually makes you dumber after you watch it.

 Yeah I think I heard that on the news and it's bad for kids brain process, etc.

#14: Appeal for more people to play chess on racing flags

 And while they are participating in the Dayton 500 would help.

#15.  Army/Navy rivals changing their recruitment policies to suit the chess community.

Army's new slogan: Army Chess Club of One

Navy's new slogan: Go Chess

#14.  An apple a day keeps you regular.

A game of chess a day does the opposite.

#13.  New advise from doctor's: take two chess tournaments and call me in the morning.

#12.  What would you rather be?

A great chess player or a great person?

You can't be both.

#11.  How can you tell if you are obsessed with playing chess?

You name your kids King, Queen and little Pawn

#10.  The Hair Club For Men was so successful, a balding Kasparov thought he'd start his own business, Chess Club For Men.  If failed three months later apparently bald men can't play, was his reasoning.

 That is one of my favorite South Park episodes.

It was really on South Park? 

http://www.southparkstudios.com/full-episodes/s11e05-fantastic-easter-special

#9: Note to self: When conducting a headbutt, do not lead with face

 That was hilarious and I watched the whole episode, exploding peeps and all, and curse words also.  Gives new meaning to Hare club For Men!  Thanks corrijean.