Utter nonsense!

http://www.chess.com/groups/notes/the-firesign-theatre

Mother: Adolf come and get it! Your clamcakes are getting damp.

Father: 10 - 4 Eleanor

[Door Slam and Footsteps]

Father: Whew! Defoliating a victory garden certainly works up an appetite.

Mother: You sit down, father, and dig right in.

Father: That's right! This afternoon I'll be able to start digging the pit. 
If I can get any work out of that boy of yours I can have the bunker finished by 
election day. Where is Porgy anyway?

Mother: He's up in his room, helping Porcelin make the bed.

Porcelin: [Bed creaking noises] Oh Porgy, Oh my, oh my, oh my!

Mother: [In the distance] Porgy... Porgy Tirebiter!

Porgy: Co.. eh... Coming mother!

Mother: He's so good with the servants, Fred.

Father: Stop calling me Fred. My name's Adolph.

[Footsteps]

Porgy: Bombs away, Dad. Morning, Mom.

Mother: Morning, son.

Porgy: Oh, hot dog! Groat cakes again. Heavy on the 30 weight, Mom.

Father: Don't, don't eat with your hands, son. Use your entrenching tool.

Porgy: Ah, Gee, Dad. I'm just trying to save time. It isn't everyday a guy
graduates from high school.

Father: Ha ha ha! How many times have I heard that before...

Mother: Well you boys fight it out among yourselves.

Father: Ok mother!

[Sounds of a Fist Fight]

Mother: Oh, my, my look at the time - I've got to dress for my bridge club.

Porgy: Gee, Mom. Isn't that bridge built yet?

Father: No son, Uh! and it won't be until free hands on both sides of the big
ditch can press the same button at the same time.

Porgy: Ok, Dad, I give! Oh, boy! Can I eat my breakfast now?

Father: Only if you stay out of trouble, boy. Your shennanigans can cost me 
this election.

Porgy: Oh, come on Dad. No Irishman can stop you from getting to be Dog Killer
this time. You're a natural.

Father: Don't wolf your food.

Join us in the idiocy - you are all naturals.

Wolfing food, of course, could be interpreted as a subtle advert for the Wolf group you tricked me into joining so I could play FT-themed chess events, once I lose 900 rating points! Oh well, I've got my two tones to the floorboard already, so we're bound to learn something at the pep rally.,

Holy Mudhead, Mackeral! Morse Science High ... It's disappeared!

That brings back memories, I listened to this one when I was growing up because my older sister bought it. 

Hello Seeker!  Now don't feel alone here in the New Age, because there's a seeker born every minute!

Feel free to join the nonsense

http://www.chess.com/groups/home/the-firesign-theatre

Is this some sanctuary, independent of the reality of the FT site? That album cover, which still lives in a box about 20 feet from me, spent a lot of time being passed around in the travel trailer in which I dwelled during college.

http://www.chess.com/groups/notes/the-firesign-theatre

Nick Danger: [thinking to himself] Four hours later I parked my car in the carriage house and 
(cornstarch footsteps) walked up a grey gravel driveway between a line of dwarf maples towards the pillared  entrance of the Same Mansion. It had been snowing in Santa Barbara ever since the 
top of the page and I had to shake the cornstarch off my mukluks as I lifted the heavy obsidian doorknocker. 

Nick Danger: [aloud] Hey in there... open up. Your doorknocker fell off. 

Catherwood: (door open) What's all this brouhaha?

Nick Danger: Brouhaha? Ha ha ha...

Catherwood: Ha ha ha ha ha....(door close)

Nick Danger: Wait...Wait a minute. Don't you want this doorknocker?

Catherwood: (away) I already have one.

Nick Danger: But this is yours....

Catherwood: You see? I told you. 

Well, it didn't take long for me to get hounded out of the Wolf group.

Alright! This way! This way now! What a wonderful clearing in the jungle! Just the place to build our camp! Alright, you men get cracking now. The pup-tents right over there, I think. Right!

How can you be in two places at once, when you're not anywhere at all?

All silliness here is welcome!

Steve and Ken, please join if you want.  New members get their Bozo shoes pumped up for free.

Once upon a time there lived a She-Wolf named Lykiska. And not a bad looking mangy varmit-no, this Lykiska had coiffure; wearing only the best, albeit scantily clad bordering on the ostentatious warrior babe outfits that provoked reactions from jealousy , to infatuation, to trollism-more latet

Fortunately, she had good, loyal friends who stood beside her and went BeoWulf on her numerous detractors,resulting in the ever present high drama and comedy known as chess.com.

To be continued.

Today's headlines:

Man coughs up towel in Brussels

Yankee pig nut swindle shocks Parliament!

Sultan insulted in Malay-Malay

Giant green cheese stolen

jamie , what is this , my brain cell has just gone thats it im leaving , now i dont know how to tie my shoelaces

The future's comin', and there's no place to hide!