Upgrade to Chess.com Premium!

Board

 

Blobby was board with chess the other day so he decided to mooch around the internet. Here are a few things he stumbled upon during his ramble:

The first product to have a bar code was Wrigleys gum.

The worlds oldest piece of chewing gum is over 9000 years old.
[I bet that hasn't got a bar code on it, Blobby]

Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
[Not if you swallow that bar code, it won't]

Every year, kids in North America spend close to half a billion dollars on chewing gum. 

Mr. Wrigley: "I told you that bar code was a good idea!"

Mrs. Wrigley: "You're right. Tastes a lot better than the gum!"

 

This one is just for Ernest The Goose:

A group of geese on the ground is a gaggle, a group of geese in the air is a skein!

 

"I'll be there in a jiffy."
[I don't think so. A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second! Good luck with that]

 

This is so obvious, he nearly didn't include it:

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

 

A hippo can open its mouth wide enough to fit a 4-foot tall child inside.
[But only once]

 

I always said Charles Atlas was strong...

The Earth weighs around 6,600,000,000,000,000,000,000 tons (5,940 billion billion metric tons).

...though not as strong as the person who weighed it.

 

This fact brought to mind one of my opponents:

A cockroach can live several weeks with its head cut off.

 

This explains a few of those spineless souls roaming around:

We're born with 300 bones, but when we get to be an adult, we only have 206.

 

The state of Florida is bigger than England.
[At least England doesn't look like a limp willy]

 

Thomas Edison, lightbulb inventor, was afraid of the dark.
[Brilliant]

 

Speaking of inventors, when John Logie Baird invented the television, what did he watch? 

Mrs. Baird: "What's that contraption?"

John: "It's a television."

Mrs. Baird: "Great. What's on?"

John: "Nothing."

 

And who did Alexander Graham Bell ring?
[Some people have names which are prophetic, don't they, Miss Spinster?]

 

Some ribbon worms will eat themselves if they can't find any food.
[This reminds me of the story about the cannibal who came back from a self-catering vacation with his right arm missing. I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous]

 

Dolphins sleep with one eye open.
[Must be related to my mother-in-law]

A sneeze travels out your mouth at over 100 m.p.h.
[And still can't keep up with the mother-in-law's words]

A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue!
[And still can't compete with the mother-in-law's]

 

In the White House, there are 13,092 knives, forks and spoons.
[13,091]

 

The starfish is one of the few animals which can turn it's stomach inside-out.
[Not true. I did the same whilst watching the little critter]

 

'Q' is the only letter in the alphabet that does not appear in the name of any of the United States.
[Which explains why there are no queues in America, only lines]

 

America once issued a 5-cent bill.
[And some idiot went and spent it]

 

Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.
[Cripes! Now Blobby's done for]

 

Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.
["I'm over here, Robin."]

 

Every second, Americans collectively eat one hundred pounds of chocolate.
[That's a big bar]

 

There are approximately 50 Bibles sold each minute across the world.
[And one read every 50 years]

 

On December, 16th, 1811, an earthquake caused parts of the Mississippi River to flow backwards.
[Now what we need is another, to make it flow forwards]

 

A person uses approximately fifty-seven sheets of toilet paper each day.
[Crap]

 

One gallon of used motor oil can ruin approximately one million gallons of fresh water.
[One bad apple...]

 

More money is spent on gardening than on any other hobby.
[Depends how you define 'hobby']

 

Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
[Hey! And what about yours?! It sure ain't no oil-painting!]

 

The average person laughs 13 times a day.
[Not if they lived with my mother-in-law, they wouldn't]

 

Dogs can hear sounds that you can't.
[Would you mind repeating that?]

 

Every 45 seconds, a house catches on fire in the United States.
[At least the Fire Department knows where it is, then]

 

There are more than 50,000 earthquakes throughout the world every year.
[The Mississippi River is still in with a chance, in that case]

 

Dogs and cats, like humans [not all of them], are either right or left handed.
[I didn't realize we had any other choice]

 

Apples are more efficient than caffeine in keeping people awake in the mornings.
[That's true. If you throw apples at someone...]

 

And finally, on a site touting for business for an erotic film:

"True lesbian love, as only women can portray it."
[Scotty and Co. will have to think long and hard about that one]

Comments


  • 3 years ago

    Snapdragon

    Latvian folklore is rife with verses about the "evil" mother-in-law. I've yet to come across a folk song that extols the virtues of mothers-in-law. But you're not Latvian, are you, Sandy? Then you have nothing to fear and Blobby was way off base (as usual).

  • 3 years ago

    motherinlaw

    Anda, your comment was insightful.  Naturally I was initially devastated and horrified to learn that some benighted people make jokes about mothers-in-law! Then I realized these "jokes" arose from ignorance.  

    Now for the truth:  All mothers-in-law are, without exception, very much like me:  lovely, kind, modest, shy, charming,wise, giving, tender-hearted----all right I'll just say it:  Saintly!

    So, out of the goodness of my warm, loving, tender heart, I'm willing to forgive Blobby for his obviously ill-considered remarks.  Oh, and thanks for letting me join the Geezers!

    Sandy (motherinlaw)

     


  • 3 years ago

    Joe_Blob

    Anda, [Not if I lived with my mother-in-law, I wouldn't be]. Tongue out

  • 3 years ago

    Snapdragon

    [Note to Sandy: don't take those mother-in-law comments personally. Blobby didn't really mean them. If you dig far enough, you'll see he's really a nice guy.]

  • 3 years ago

    m8ed

    Excellent read Martin - ty! Smile

    But. . .  uh? Is this Blobby math???

    viz

    6,600 billion billion d 5,940 billion billion ??

    Umm. . . Undecided

    Aaaah ~ I see imperial tons to metric tonnes ~ k , got it, that works. . . 

    Excellent and interesting set of facts ~ top man!

     

Back to Top

Post your reply: