Blonde paint job A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do...
A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"The bartender, confused, tells the duck no. The duck thanks him and leaves.The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Got any grapes?"Again, the bartender tells him, "No -- the bar does not serve g...
Facts of Life Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they're OK, you're it.Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.It has recently b...
If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome, including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD! Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet. Here's what happened...
Sharing Hotel Rooms By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy gu...
Viagra Mickey Finn! An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her Husband's sex drive.'What about trying Viagra?' asks the doctor.Not a chance' says Mrs. Murphy. "He won't even take an aspirin for a headache."'No problem,...
more disorder in the court Q: And where was the location of the accident?A: Approximately milepost 499.Q: And where is milepost 499?A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.Q: Sir, what is your IQ?A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.Q: Did yo...
Disorder in Court From a little book called "Disorder in the Court". These are things that people actually said in court, word for word. Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: What gear were you in ...
Actual product instructions. ACTUAL PRODUCT INSTRUCTIONS:ON A HAIRDRYER:*Do not use while sleeping.ON A BAG OF FRITOS:*You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP:*Directions: Use like regular soap.FROZEN...
As a blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriff asks her what happened. The blonde began, "It was the strangest thing! I Looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right. Then I saw another tree, so I swerved to left. Then there wa...
An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight. The next morning ...
funny bumper stickers All men are idiots, and I married their king. -- Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot. -- I brake for no apparent reason. -- Time is what keeps everything from happening all at once. -- Out of my...
After 15 years of marriage, Kate leaves her husband Danny. Danny lost everything to his X wife, so thinking he’s going insane he takes a little walk through the forest. As he was walking his foot hits a lamp and a genie comes out. The genie says, ...
The World's First Professional A doctor, an engineer, a rabbi and a lawyer were debating who was the world's first professional. The doctor said, "It must have been a doctor. Who else could have helped with the world's first surgery of taking a...
now take a deep breathe and lagh. There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet. After a while one of the first two turns to the third an...
Blonde Vending Machine A blonde is standing in front of a soda machine outside a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another b...
ThirteenA young man was strolling down a street. As he passed a large building with a fence around it, he heard a group of people chanting "Thirteen, thirteen, thirteen" over and over again. Curious, he tried to see over the fence, but c...
Help stories from Tech SupportAnother customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn''t work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked...
A good chess player A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I...
Hot Revenge Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, built a huge fire under it, and left them there. A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to ...
blond walks in to a store and says. I want to buy that tv the salesman says sorry we dont sell to blondes the next day she dies her hair red and comes back in. she says i want to buy that tv salesman replies sorry we dont sell to blond...
hi for any one who needs a little fun in there games. i will post a joke when ever i log on. here is the first. Grandma's AgeA little boy asked his grandmother how old she was. "39 and holding," she replied. "Well, then, how old...
