Why We Get Angry & How to Sweeten the Soul
I walked into my favorite bar like I just won a championship.
Ordered my favorite cocktail and started the celebration.
Not a chess tournament. Not a milestone at ChessMood.
I was celebrating a victory… over myself.
Flashback. 6 Months Earlier.
Every Saturday. 7 PM.
Non-negotiable. Sacred.
We play soccer. ChessMood vs our friends.
But we play differently. We don’t try to destroy each other.
Slight touch? It’s a penalty 😊
We celebrate each other’s goals. We laugh. Joke around…
We play like kids do, before adults come in and ruin everything.
***
It was another sunny Saturday. Same field. Same joy.
Until…
I zigzagged past through their defense. Passed one. Passed two. Three.
I’m passing the last defender… and he threw his leg out.
Like this:
I went flying.
I mean FLYING.
If there was a recruiter for the national athletic team watching, I’d have a contract by now.
I probably broke the world record for long jumping.
Then I rolled multiple times like a kebab on the grass.
Pain? A lot.
But my anger was louder.
I got up like nothing happened.
Charged straight at him.
My friend’s brother. Twice my size.
Didn’t matter.
I stopped 2 cm from his face.
And screamed.
Barely holding back a punch.
Everyone ran toward us and stood in between.
Like human airbags.
I cooled down. He apologized. We kept playing.
At least, they did.
I couldn’t.
Not because of my leg. It was fine.
My body was moving. My soul stayed down where I fell.
I replayed the scene in my head. Over and over.
He didn’t do it on purpose. He was just reacting. Reflex.
I passed him, he stuck out his leg. I fell. Happens. No big deal.
Except how I acted after…
The more I replayed it, the worse I felt.
So I walked back to him. Told him I realized he didn’t do it intentionally.
Apologized for my behavior. He nodded. We hugged.
The tension in the air cleared.
But something inside me was still muddy.
Why Do We Get Angry?
I came back home. Exhausted.
But sleep? Nope. My mind was spinning.
I reached for my Kindle and opened the book I’d been reading, one chapter a day.
My coach Rao Srikumar’s “Modern Wisdom, Ancient Roots.”
What’s there for today?
Baaam!
CHAPTER 24: THE REAL REASON YOU GET ANGRY
WTH???
Felt like the Universe was trolling me.
I started reading. It hit me.
Especially these three paragraphs. I reread them ten times…
"There is a dessert called Rasgulla. It is about the size of a ping-pong ball and white and very sweet. If you drop a Rasgulla on the ground and step on it, what comes out is sugary syrup. You can beat it with a hammer or drop a suitcase on it or throw it against a wall. No matter how you mistreat it, all that comes out is sugary syrup."
"Anger flows out from you because it is inside you, waiting for a time to erupt." (!!!)
"When your default emotional domain becomes that of gratitude, you will be like the Rasgulla. No matter what happens in your life, you will respond with care, compassion, and reasoned action. Not with anger."
Rasgulla, Wasabi and the Journey
There was no Rasgulla in my soul.
No syrup. No sweetness.
Just wasabi. Sharp. Violent.
There was anger. Deep inside.
It exploded on a soccer field.
God knows where else it had leaked before...
I had no idea where it came from and how long it had been there.
It didn't matter.
What mattered was this:
It had to die.
Time to swap the wasabi for Rasgulla.
Time to sweeten the soul.
So I started the journey.
Daily practices. Self-cleaning. ALFAVE.
Day by day, I felt different. I felt good.
White was the color dominating my soul.
But I wasn’t sure…
Was there still some wasabi hiding inside?
I needed a real test.
The Wasabi Test
6 months after the incident.
Same place. Same time. The clock hit 7 PM. Game on.
I was attacking again. Passed one. Then another.
And then it happened. EXACTLY the same thing.
The third guy stuck his leg out.
I went flying.
This time I broke my own long jump record.
This time I rolled more times.
But also, this time…
When the inertia did its job and I was about to stop rolling, I kept going.
On purpose. Artificially. Clearly artificially.
Everyone realized I was joking. I was fine.
The silence and fear in the air, wondering if I broke my leg, melted into laughter.
The guy who tripped me was laughing.
I was laughing the hardest.
Not just outside. Inside too.
When I was flying through the air, I didn’t have time to think about making a joke.
I didn’t consciously decide to roll a few extra times to make everyone laugh.
My subconscious did it.
There was still pain in my leg. I could barely stand.
But this time, there was no pain in my soul.
Six months ago, there was darkness inside me.
Now there was light.
No wasabi.
Just sweet syrup.
I won over myself. I passed the test.
That’s what I went to celebrate at my favorite cocktail bar.
Why vs. What
I made blunders all my life. And unfortunately, still do.
In chess — like every chess player.
In life — like every human.
But if there’s one thing that helped me become a Grandmaster,
build ChessMood from zero,
create my beautiful family,
and live in the world I’m lucky to wake up in…
It’s this:
I don’t just fix mistakes. I attack them.
Not on the surface. But at the root.
Not what I did. But why I did it.
Then I go deep. Deeper. Until I find it. Fix it. Move on.
Until the next blunder. Then do it again.
I don’t punish myself.
What’s done is done.
I just want to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
That’s the journey. Messy. Real. Sweet.
Like Rasgullas. And my favorite cocktails when I win over myself.
My Wish
My wish is that you go deeper into incidents.
Attack them not on the surface. But at the root.
Be it in chess or in life.
You blunder a lot.
You get into time trouble.
You lose winning games.
You tilt…
What are the real reasons?
You don’t like your job.
You’re unhappy in your relationship.
Uncomfortable with your current friends.
There’s a quiet sadness in you…
What are the real reasons?
Dive deep. Attack the root. Fix the root.
My wish is that you'll identify your inner Wasabis…
and turn them into Rasgullas.
Then your life will be tastier. You'll be tastier. You’ll attract tasty people.
Tasty moments.
And your world will be soooo sweet.
For your sweet journey,
With best wishes and love,
Avo “Sugar Bro” Grigoryan
P.S.
The article was originally published on https://chessmood.com/blog, where you’ll find over 100 other articles written by Grandmasters, who share tips from their professional journeys and how to adopt the right mindset for this beautiful game, in order to have fun and grow at the same time.
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