1. a4: Best Chess Opening!

I think it's time to call in the mods. This thread keeps getting stupider by the day.

It's amazing that despite all the evidence to the contrary, some patzers still persist in the delusion that 1.a4 is not the greatest move in the universe, and that some nonsense like 1.e4 is playable. Rubbish! I say double rubbish!! In fact, not only is 1.a4 the greatest, most awesome-ist, mindblowing move in this universe, but also in numerous parallel universes, including Symphonia, Orange Co., Calif. and the Borscht Belt! And furthermore, 1.e4 is worse than the worst....it's pond scum! The  absurd popularity of 1.e4 can be explained by a line from the Old Warrior himself, Winston Churchill: "A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth even gets it's pants on!"

Dear fellow Chess.com comrades,

It has come to my attention that you have all become victims of a terrible fraud. From what I have been able to gather, most of you believe that 1. e4?? is the best, or at least a very good, opening move.

Well, I am sorry to shatter your beautiful illusion, but 1. a4!! is actually the best move in the whole galaxy, and 1. e4?? the worst. Let me first illustrate why 1. e4?? is clearly the worst move of all moves in the universe:

So now that the 1. e4?? point is proven, let me now reveal to you the true best first move for white in chess: 1. a4!!.

Not only did Winston Churchill force Hitler to lose the World War 2 after beating him in a chess game using 1. a4!!, but it is also rumored that Bobby Fischer lost to an unknown chess virtuoso by the name of Sandstreampop after Fischer, playing black, was met by Sandstreampop's 1. a4!!. Let's have a look at that game.

If you feel dizzy now, do not be alarmed. It is common that you feel faint and confused after your whole world has been turned upside down. But this is really for the best. From now on, I hope you never play 1. e4?? again. I trust you now play the best move in the whole intergalactic space.

You are welcome.

Of course, 1...a5 works as well for black as 1.a4 does for white. And especially against that laughable excuse for a move, 1.e4. Take a look at this gem:

Don't underestimate 1.e4, As I said before, 1.e4 allows 2.Ke2!! Watch the power of this move as the game below shows.

Also, e4!!!! allows K(for Kangaroo)f4!!!!:

An even stronger move with the a-pawn!

From a chess player's perspective, I have to point out that in the game posted above, 7.Kxf5?? actually allows a draw despite the massive material advantage after 7...d6+! 8.Kg5 Be7+ 9.Kh5 g6+ 10.Kh6 Bf8+.

Dear fellow Chess.com comrades,

It has come to my attention that you have all become victims of a terrible fraud. From what I have been able to gather, most of you believe that 1. e4?? is the best, or at least a very good, opening move.

Well, I am sorry to shatter your beautiful illusion, but 1. a4!! is actually the best move in the whole galaxy, and 1. e4?? the worst. Let me first illustrate why 1. e4?? is clearly the worst move of all moves in the universe:

So now that the 1. e4?? point is proven, let me now reveal to you the true best first move for white in chess: 1. a4!!.

Not only did Winston Churchill force Hitler to lose the World War 2 after beating him in a chess game using 1. a4!!, but it is also rumored that Bobby Fischer lost to an unknown chess virtuoso by the name of Sandstreampop after Fischer, playing black, was met by Sandstreampop's 1. a4!!. Let's have a look at that game.

If you feel dizzy now, do not be alarmed. It is common that you feel faint and confused after your whole world has been turned upside down. But this is really for the best. From now on, I hope you never play 1. e4?? again. I trust you now play the best move in the whole intergalactic space.

You are welcome.

But it was forced!

But it was forced!

No it wasnt.  Last time I checked, it doesn't say anywhere that if after 1.a4 someone does something other than 1... f5 that they will be forced to eat a raw egg.

Dear fellow Chess.com comrades,

It has come to my attention that you have all become victims of a terrible fraud. From what I have been able to gather, most of you believe that 1. e4?? is the best, or at least a very good, opening move.

Well, I am sorry to shatter your beautiful illusion, but 1. a4!! is actually the best move in the whole galaxy, and 1. e4?? the worst. Let me first illustrate why 1. e4?? is clearly the worst move of all moves in the universe:

So now that the 1. e4?? point is proven, let me now reveal to you the true best first move for white in chess: 1. a4!!.

Not only did Winston Churchill force Hitler to lose the World War 2 after beating him in a chess game using 1. a4!!, but it is also rumored that Bobby Fischer lost to an unknown chess virtuoso by the name of Sandstreampop after Fischer, playing black, was met by Sandstreampop's 1. a4!!. Let's have a look at that game.

If you feel dizzy now, do not be alarmed. It is common that you feel faint and confused after your whole world has been turned upside down. But this is really for the best. From now on, I hope you never play 1. e4?? again. I trust you now play the best move in the whole intergalactic space.

You are welcome.

lol... ok... time to uncheck "tracking".