Dear e4--
Kindly cease and desist your bullying, as you are making things very difficult for my e5. I might also point out that your antics smack of racism, inasmuch as you never allow us to make the first move. Have you never heard of Stand Your Ground laws?
Sincerely,
N N Black
Mon cherie e6--
I love how you love me. 
Dear g6--
I am shocked by your outrages against convention! But then, I have always been considered a bit old-fashioned.
Dear a6--
Who do you think you are, Miles?! Fall back in line, soldier!
Dear d6-
Consider it a perq that we won't be in contact soon. In the meantime me and my homeys will be waiting for you in the center of the square.
thats south LA or the Bronx, talking
Dear 1.e4
... e6. You and your silly knnniggits! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!
Sincerely,
The French
Dear a6--
Who do you think you are, Miles?! Fall back in line, soldier!
I tried them a6 things, 
Dear a2,
Don't even think of going anywhere-yet.
Maybe so, but mine was dirtier.
Dear KG.
Please don't ever let yourself be solved, computers are not worthy to even study something so elegant as you, thank you for your beautiful tactics, and your imortal games. and tell your dad 1. e4 that he will always be a friend of mine.
jet
AN OPEN LETTER TO THE TWO LITIGANTS IN THE MATTER OF C6
Dear sirs--
It is the finding of this committee that each of you have equal claim to the title of this opening, and thus it is ruled a joint holding in perpetuity and shall be known by both of your names concurrently. You may confer with each other to decide upon the order your names will follow, as well as whether hyphenation shall be required.
Sincerely,
FIDE
cc: Mr Kann
Mr Caro
lol, get the cave men away from me
you know you are a hopeless chess fan when you start writing letters to the opening moves like their your family or friends.
you know you are a hopeless chess fan when you start writing letters to the opening moves like their your family or friends.
Those pieces are my only friends. I keep them on my dashbord in my van down by the river.
you know you are a hopeless chess fan when you start writing letters to the opening moves like their your family or friends.
Those pieces are my only friends. I keep them on my dashbord in my van down by the river.
Dear c4--
I much appreciate the good times we have had and the pleasures of your elegant company. In particular, I have learned a great deal from the way that you have managed to fit in to your advantage amongst the more common situations.
Now however I am afraid that the charms of your accent have faded a bit, and I find myself increasingly wondering what it is precisely that you are talking about a good deal of the time. Also I have noticed a faint though insistent odor of fish & chips about you, which never seems to fade (my wife has been complaining about it too, and how it clings to the draperies and so forth). All of which, I am afraid, makes it necessary for us to part company.
Regretfully yours,
Andy
"The English Opening, sometimes called the Sicilian Attack...this opening was rarely tried until 1843 when Staunton played it six times in his match against Saint-Amant.
"Staunton writes in his Chess-Player's Handbook that 1. c4 'may be adopted with perfect security', adding that White would get a fine game if Black were to reply 1...e5. After the demise of the English school, 1. c4 went out of fashion until the advent of the Hypermodern movement in the 1920s when Tartakower remarked enthusiastically that it might well be the strongest of all openings. This view was not shared by others [!] but 1. c4 has since become the third most popular opening move...and was played in every World Championship match from 1948 to 1981 inclusive."
you know you are a hopeless chess fan when you start writing letters to the opening moves like their your family or friends.
Those pieces are my only friends. I keep them on my dashbord in my van down by the river.
This thread is an epic win.
Dear f7,
Heard you were throwing a party soon. May I come over? With my friends? King's Bishop is sure to accept the invitation, King's Knight too! And you can always count on me.
White Queen