Rank Every Defense Against 1. E4 From Favorite To Least Favorite (In Your Opinion)

i do not take kindly to being called an 8 year old

modern is the goat

S: Scandinavian

A: Sicilian and Nimzo

B: French and Caro and Alekhine

C: Pirc and Owen and Modern

D: Off-beat openings

Modern is outmatched

Ahhh, favorite to least favorite. That makes much more sense.

EX Tier: French, Alekhine’s. 
A Tier: Open Game, Nimzowitsch. 
B Tier: Sicilian, Caro-Kann, Modern, Scandi.
C Tier: Pirc, Owen’s. 
F Tier: All else.

1. e5. equal claim to the centre and goes into the open games, which I enjoy playing as both colours.

2. c5. obviously top tier, but I don't quite have the know-how to play these positions as well as e5 (I've tried the kan and the acc. dragon, and I know lines against the closed + alapin)

4. d6/g6 and Nf6. I'd quite like to start playing one of these at some point soon, the hypermodern positions are semi-appealing although my centre-focused brain makes these a little uncomfortable.

3. e6. looks interesting, but I wouldn't navigate it well as a 1300 and I like to play against it with Nc3 as white too much for me to want to play it yet.

5. c6. the caro was my bane playing against my brother for a while, the solid positions kind of frustrating my e4-mindset (looks like it shares more characteristics with d4 positions than other replies to e4). bit boring and I should really start looking at Nc3 or the PBA to get good positions against it, although I don't really get many caros at my rating level, but don't expect me to be playing this one, ever.

7. scandie. ew.

6. all the other garbagey pawn moves + owens and nimzo

Why dd you put Scandi "ew" in 7th place, and e5 / c5 high tier? e5 and c5 is good for White if White knows the correct responses, among dozens. But the Scandi forces the issue with only 2, maybe 3 possibilities for White. Your tier list concerns GMs, and even then it's immoral to put Scandi this low.

no, its personal preference, with chess improvement at the forefront of my mind. in the scandi they take the pawn and then you get your queen out (bad), they kick it away with the knight (better development for your opponent) and they get a pawn on d4 (less centre for you). Just seems unpleasant. Also, you shouldn't shy away from openings because they have more depth and possibilities! you should welcome diversity in positions because it's exposing you to more structures and types of games, which is what will make you a better chess player instead of someone opting for a slightly worse position in the scandi because it's comfortable. that's my POV, not very inclusive, and I'm not deriding people for playing the scandi, I'm just saying that I want to play to challenge my opponent and to get exposed to different positions, and the scandi doesnt offer that to me.

i like?

ok

S:

e5: very good and principled and not that dry and *extremely ignored*

e6: VERY interesting and *underrated*

c5: interesting and *extremely underrated* 

A:

d5: used to play it and *slightly overhated*

Nc6: "looks interesting ngl" and *very underrated*

Nf6: its cool lol

g6: *this is better than the pirc shut up*

B:

c6: S tier opening, F tier community and *very overrated*

d6: *slightly overrated*

b6: it exists ig

a6: weird lol, but playable

C:

b5: the RIGHT way to gambit vs e4, *interesting*

D: 

everything unmentioned: *idk lol help me*

F:

f5: it has no traps at all

I respect your opinion. But in my point of view, taking on d5 with the queen isn't the only move. You can play Nf6, wait to recapture with the horse on d5. There are a million tricks, and even if you don't land the traps, you still get momentum after the shock you put to the opponent. Against e5 and c5, for me they're bad moves because I found weapons for them (for e5, vienna, and for c5, alapn and go for advance french and milner-barry gambit).

Tier lists are subjective, and irrelevant in an actual match. I can win with my Scandi against very strong players.

modern is better than sicilian,caro,french

Scandi is basically a basic opening

Strongest player of scandi - Magnus Carlson

Don't underestimate the power of the Scandi. You can get very dangerous positions after a few moves when you play Nf6. I agree than Qxd5 is playable but trust me, Nf6 has many tricks under its sleeves.

Tricks ain't gonna work against chess engines or GMs

When I become or confront a GM or a 3600 rated Stockfish or LC0, yes e5 and c5 are good. But I'm not right there yet. I have the right to make chess a bloody war with many sacrifices and traps and not a game destroyed by Stockfish saying all days "Best moves are e5, c5 and e6. Everything esle is refuted". That's not war, that's a truce that every game will end in a draw.

well after all of the tension has settled down in the center, you play c5 to undermine white's center and make room for your knight

So you want us to just lie to you about your age?

how would you feel if i called you an 8 year old

also, i changed my mind

S: Everything
F: French

i have a grudge against the french defense

@SimsimusBerbar oh yeah its mostly subjective in practical terms, and if you're just better than your opponent or more comfortable in that position then you will probably just outplay them in the middlegame. I wouldn't really describe the alapin and vienna as weapons, as though they're a little more off beat, they're not as sharp as main lines and the positions is more equal after 2. ...Nf6 in both openings.