Friend etiquette... To friend or not to friend that is the question?

KeSetoKaiba

I've considered the same thing about chess.com friends @Nghtstalker

Some members send out friend requests like companies send out junk mail. Conversely, some members are very selective or don't accept any friend requests at all. I can understand both sides of the spectrum. Like you, I like a little friendlier communication than just clicking "accept" to every request heading your way. 

Whenever I get a friend request out of the blue, I like to send them a message. Perhaps I am too curious for my own good, but I usually ask how they found me of the millions of members? If they respond to me, then I am accepting the friend request circa 99% of the time and sometimes we even begin in-depth chats because my question starts a conversation. The few that don't respond probably are just spamming requests to everyone and I typically decline those requests. No hard feelings, but I like to at least know my chess.com friends - even if only on a minimal level. 

I actually had the same question as this forum a while back when I had less than 10 friends (I accepted less requests back then). This is that forum, but I got little feedback. https://www.chess.com/forum/view/off-topic/chess-com-friends 

In summary, everyone is different and has different criterion for their chess.com friends to meet. Some are super selective and others will send requests to anyone. Don't take it personal and choose whomever you want. Typically, I will need a reason not to friend someone if they send me a request but I myself don't usually send to many requests out; it is just a matter of preference and everyone is different.

BISHOP_e3

Ziggy >>> Do they take your friends away to mansions cold and grey? 

Nghtstalker
KeSetoKaiba wrote:

I've considered the same thing about chess.com friends @Nghtstalker

Some members send out friend requests like companies send out junk mail. Conversely, some members are very selective or don't accept any friend requests at all. I can understand both sides of the spectrum. Like you, I like a little friendlier communication than just clicking "accept" to every request heading your way. 

Whenever I get a friend request out of the blue, I like to send them a message. Perhaps I am too curious for my own good, but I usually ask how they found me of the millions of members? If they respond to me, then I am accepting the friend request circa 99% of the time and sometimes we even begin in-depth chats because my question starts a conversation. The few that don't respond probably are just spamming requests to everyone and I typically decline those requests. No hard feelings, but I like to at least know my chess.com friends - even if only on a minimal level. 

I actually had the same question as this forum a while back when I had less than 10 friends (I accepted less requests back then). This is that forum, but I got little feedback. https://www.chess.com/forum/view/off-topic/chess-com-friends 

In summary, everyone is different and has different criterion for their chess.com friends to meet. Some are super selective and others will send requests to anyone. Don't take it personal and choose whomever you want. Typically, I will need a reason not to friend someone if they send me a request but I myself don't usually send to many requests out; it is just a matter of preference and everyone is different.

Well u expressed it far better than I!  Especially how some people spam for friends.  I do not like denying.  But if that is all you do what is the point?   I kind of regretted posting this.   But maybe it did spur a discussion.  And I "met" a couple interesting people out of it.

Nghtstalker
BISHOP_e3 wrote:

Ziggy >>> Do they take your friends away to mansions cold and grey? 

I enter when invited.

And for those who knock on my door..

“welcome to my house. Come freely. Go safely; and leave something of the happiness you bring.”

alas what u wrote sounds like a quote but I cannot place it....   Damn!

KeSetoKaiba
Nghtstalker wrote:
...I do not like denying.  But if that is all you do what is the point?   I kind of regretted posting this.   But maybe it did spur a discussion.  And I "met" a couple interesting people out of it.

I wouldn't regret posting this and besides, it did begin a discussion. "What is the point?" depends on who you are and your goals. Here are some potential ones to note:

- Many players do not accept friend requests from anyone unless they know them in person; these players like the "real" friends and responsibility it brings. These people usually find little point in collecting online "friends" that are just numbers to you. You know almost nothing about them and they seldom find this enough to accept/send a request.

-Some members seek friends (or accept many/all) for advertising reasons. This is true especially for titled chess players, chess streamers and chess writers. Every time you stream, post, or whatever: your "friends" are notified, so they may get more views/comments simply for having more "friends."

-Most obviously, there are also those stereotyped people whom seek as many friends as they can online. Not always, but I find these people to typically be shallow, immature, or with a hole in their heart/confidence issues. For this group, it can be challenging because they constantly feel the void of "real-life friends" and feel that online friends do not fill this void permanently (although it may temporarily). I have nothing against these people, as people, but sometimes having them as online friends is virtually nothing because they seldom interact or message you - they just sit as a number in your friends list and that is about it. This is not fun for anyone and they are human people like you and I. If this last category is you, feel free to message me and we can chat and become a more "real" friend than just a number; just let me know you messaged me because of this forum. happy.png

bong711

In my case, I exchange more messages with Online friends than RL friends. Too busy or the "flame" is dimming. Online friends are fresh friends so enthusiastic. Nobody among RL friends have interest in chess. 

nighteyes1234

It is probably a child molester.

bong711

I'm not a child happy.png Age between a father and a grandfather. Like I said the flame is dimming. After 30 years.

KeSetoKaiba
bong711 wrote:

In my case, I exchange more messages with Online friends than RL friends. Too busy or the "flame" is dimming. Online friends are fresh friends so enthusiastic. Nobody among RL friends have interest in chess. 

Perhaps you should find some real life friends who share an interest in chess. There is no reason not to find a chess club or something where others share the same love for this game. I realize that you may not live near a popular chess club, but ask around senior centers, libraries and even schools - you are bound to find someone. I even went to a high school chess club (my brother attended that school but I didn't) and made friends with the chess teacher). You never know if you don't try. happy.png

bong711

I will try. Remarry 😍 I prefer to find love again. Friendship can wait.