1000 ways of get injured playing chess

#235: You play Jeff Dunham, the ventriloquist, and when you call checkmate his dummy Ahmed the Dead Terrorist cries, 'Silence!--I keeeel you!' and he pulls the cord on his suicide vest. At the pearly gates you tell St. Peter, 'At least I died happy!' 

#236: you are playing in an important tournament, your opponent doesn't seem to like to play fair and does anything to make you abandon - brought his psychotic histeric mad wife from the mental hospital just to make you resign, and in middle of the match throws an egg on your kingside, weakening the pawn barrier and staining the king. The mad wife wife bites your foot and the opponent throws a tomato at you,..it doesnt work.. so he throws his pawn, your pawn, his marriage plastic ring, his hat, his boot...is like a rain of random rubbish ... but you are like a ROCK- nothing is bothering you except the passed pawn on b4 and... the scorpion in c3. After thinking a lot, you decide not to take that pawn because the scorpion seems waiting for the approach of your hand. You move Txf7...wait... T ? omg there's a Tarantula on the board and you got poisoned, realize that in fact half of the pieces were insects with deadly poison( your opponent's idea), but you still winning and you are going finish him with a mate in 1.. but die due to the poison effects. Opponent won on time... but also died - his wife thought that introducing the scorpion in his ear was a good idea.

The crazy wife took the 1million $ prize of the tournament and wasted all in a toilet made of gold in her mental hospital. they didn't let her 'have walk' out of her white room any more.

Opponent 0,6 - you 0

237#: you play chess against a 650 rated player who has 65 IQ score(you know it because it puts in his profile)but he tricks you, and checkmates you with 5 queens on the board (4 was not enough, harder) you lose the game, lose sense of humor and lose hair due to the stress. You start to smoke, eat only junk food and drink a bottle of vodka per day , your teeth become pitch black, you didnt do exercise for ages, become fat and insects fall in love with your smell. And a mosquito with VIH bites you.

The 650 rated player is the only who assists to your funeral and puts in your thombstone: gg

Opponent 1 - you 0

is this thread dead ? ! we will we arrive at least to #300 ?

i cant think of any more

238 you cant think up of a move and bash your brains out on the table

now i thought of something because of my own comment

239. You battle Carlsen in a side-scolling fighting game. However, health points and power are directly proportionate to chess rating, so...

240#: a cat climbs on the table, and hits one of the pieces, you try to take the cat with your hands but the cat hits your face with its claws and u finish the game with red face ... U lose because the pain after the hit made u lose control of the situation and u couldnt think clearly. The opponent adopted the cat after the game and called it: gg

Opponent 1- you 0

241#: opponent decides that setting fire to the board would be fun... but his joke leads in a huge explosion  because you forgot to turn off the gas.

Opponent 1- you 0

#242:  Your chess game takes place in the street with an encierro (Running of the Bulls) scheduled.

Opponent 0.5 - You 0.5

#243: The game takes place in Iraq , your opponent looks suspictious, everyone is looking at you because u are the only 1 tourist in iraq, there are bombs falling near you and u can hear the grenades and the sound of the AK-47 , your life is in danger but you keep playing... suddenly a bee sits on f4 - you scare it off moving Qxf4 but the bee bites you and u die in 5 min - you didn't know you were allergic.

Opponent won on time

Opponent 1 - you 0

#244: playing in a tournament , you bring a 2 L bottle with Coca-cola. Your opponent realizes that he is goint to lose and, what a coincidence , he has a full pack of Mentos with him.. and puts all the pack of Mentos inside and u got hurt by the explosion. The board fall to ground and u can't win any more.

Opponent 0.5 -you 0.5

#245:  A flying saucer filled with nearsighted individuals swings by the chess club you are in and inspects the game you are playing.  Sadly, they cannot see it from their vantage point and pull the table in front of you closer, and after a few seconds of calculation they toss the game, table and all, back to the floor.  You and your opponent are stunned and harmed by the splintered wood, but you grin on the stretcher knowing that you made the last move.

Opponent 0 - You 1

#246 Demolition Derby Chess

#247: the new hot trend: the bishop piercing

#248: you haven't slept in 32 hours, fall asleep at the board and, because you had mate in 3, your opponent seizes his chance to introduce a very poisonous snake to your neck.

#249: Slipping in ice and breaking your wirst whilst walking into the club. This actually happened to me two months ago

#250 You play Chuck Norris.

#251 When you're in a tournament, your opponent sets his timer on fire and when you reach over to start it you get burned.