5,000 Signs You Don't Know Enough About Chess

"OTB" means "Off Track Betting."

You keep alowing th board to fall off the table

517.If the board keeps falling off the table it would mean you suck at chess WOW!

518. You think that the Kinght's Tour is a really nice way to learn more about a place.

519. You think The Turk was good book written a long time ago but never got around to read it.

520. You've never had a keychain with a chesspiece of your choice.

521. Your favorite piece is the queen.

522. You think that nobody can beat Bobby Fischer.

523. You think your rating is 3990.

524. You say that you are a genius.

525. You are a total FAILURE.

526. You think Guicco Piano is an instrument

527. You aspire for your rating to become 1337.

528. You play chess on a checkerboard.

You think a blitz match is when all the lower rated players tackle the two sitting on board number 1.

529. You believe you need a firearms licence to play bullet.

530. You think blitz chess is something about World War II.

531. You think a discovered check is one that had never been done before in the history of chess.

532. You move your piece 20 squares towards the enemy king when you make a capture.

533. You believe in chess championships girls in seductive clothing announce each move, as they do in boxing between rounds.

534. You throw down your king and establish a communist republic where all pieces have the same value.

535. The same as before, but establish an anarchy, so no one leads and your oponent cannot mate you.

536. When you promote a pawn, you look for the level up button.

537. You never promote a pawn to queen, as you are against gay marriage, pawns are guys after all.

538. You are disappointed when your pawn promotes and you get a queen and no money at all.

So everyone becomes a pawn?  39 points against 15 doesn't seem fair.  So far in history, communist republics are really military dictatorships, so I think they'd still have a king.

You call this a winning position for black.

536: You think the accelerated dragon variation in the sicilian is when you call in a dragon that hyperspeeds and knocks all the pieces off the board

537: you think the queens indian defense summons an indian woman who shoots the king to pieces and then salutes and dissapears

538: you think the kings indian defense is where this miniature indian guy with a crown who jumps over the enemy pawns and double kicks the enemy king and queen

539: you think the kings gambit is where you sacrifice your king

540: you try to promote your pawn to a king and when your opponents says you cant do that you try to promote it to another pawn that can go backwards

541: You play chess to impress someone of the opposite gender

542: You think that chess strategy is more important than tactics

543: You think that tactics and strategy are things you use on the battlefield

544: You think that your 2000+ rated opponent will fall for scholars mate just because after you play e4/e3 he plays e5

545: You think that you can still scholars mate after your opponent plays d5 or e6

546: You think that Fischer only one because he opened a fissure beneath all his opponents pieces and left the king

i agree

547. you bribe your opponent $100,000,000 to play either e4 or d4 or c4 on the first move when you are black.

549. You think that Viswanthanan Anand is your mom

550. You play chess and think that you are intelligent

551. You try to bribe your opponent into letting you make illegal moves.

555. You think your opponent will let you play Legal's Mate because they play 3. Bg4
556. Your opponent says e4 is strong, and that Bobby Fischer used it a lot, and you say, "Why listen to Bobby Fischer? Wasn't he a fisherman?"
557. You think c4 is a good opening move for white because you might see 4 pieces appear
558. You ask your opponent, "Will you move your king to h7 so I can mate you?"

561. You say you are better than Bobby Fischer(even though you lose to unrateds).

562. Everyone says you absolutely stink.