5,000 Signs You Don't Know Enough About Chess


  • 4 years ago · Quote · #501

    ilike1d4

    698. Your opponent arrives and finds the board as above, and you proudly declare: "I've set up the board for us already. Look! I remembered "queen on her square and "white on the right"!Laughing
  • 4 years ago · Quote · #502

    chessgm8

    699. You think you can win this game:

  • 4 years ago · Quote · #503

    chessgm8

    700. You set the pieces up like this and still lose:



  • 4 years ago · Quote · #504

    ClavierCavalier

    Lathspell wrote:

    691. When you think that a sound sacrifice is listening to the spice girls while you are playing chess.

    Talk about a sacrifice!

  • 4 years ago · Quote · #505

    Grandmaster3141

    chessgm8 wrote:

    700. You set the pieces up like this and still lose:

     

     

    White has a mate in 3. Is that supposed to be the joke?

  • 4 years ago · Quote · #506

    chessgm8

    Grandmaster3141 wrote:
    chessgm8 wrote:

    700. You set the pieces up like this and still lose:

     

     

    White has a mate in 3. Is that supposed to be the joke?

    Yeah-White doesn't know enough about chess to find the mate! Laughing

  • 4 years ago · Quote · #507

    ClavierCavalier

    Grandmaster3141 wrote:
    chessgm8 wrote:

    700. You set the pieces up like this and still lose:

     

     

    White has a mate in 3. Is that supposed to be the joke?

    Hi, I go by ClavierCavalier, and I welcome you to planet Earth.  This is a chess website.  Using a primative invention we call the internet, mankind is able to play chess with people across the world, as well as search youtube, wikipedia, and porn.  Don't worry, you'll soon be addicted to all of these once we get you started!  This thread on this web based forum is about jokes pretaining to people who don't know anything about chess.  A joke is something that causes humor, which is an illogical human emotion.

  • 4 years ago · Quote · #508

    chessgm8

    701. You try moving your king on your first move
    702. You try moving your queen on your first move
    703. You try moving your bishop on your first move
    704. You try moving your rook on your first move
    705. You say the only piece that you can't move on your first move is your knight
    706. You say your c-pawn has the power to see anything on the board
    707. This is the solution to your "tactics" puzzle:



  • 4 years ago · Quote · #509

    chessgm8

    708. You think you are a GM when you reach a rating of 800
    709. You think you are an IM when you reach a rating of 900
    710. You think you are an NM when you reach a rating of 950
    711. You call yourself an FM when you reach a rating of 600
    712. You have a chess clock set for 5 minutes, and you say, "It isn't 5:00!"

    714. You don't know enough about chess to reach the position above

  • 4 years ago · Quote · #510

    Grandmaster3141

  • 4 years ago · Quote · #511

    UltraLaser

    [COMMENT DELETED]
  • 4 years ago · Quote · #512

    OldChessDog

    LOL Grandmaster3141! What I want to know is how you got the computer to make those kinds of moves.

  • 4 years ago · Quote · #513

    UltraLaser

    716. When you think "en passant" is the french name for a move called "the fish" (true story)

  • 4 years ago · Quote · #514

    chessgm8

    717. You play this game:



  • 4 years ago · Quote · #515

    chessgm8

    OldChessDog wrote:

    LOL Grandmaster3141! What I want to know is how you got the computer to make those kinds of moves.

    Open up the game inserter and insert the PGN file.

  • 4 years ago · Quote · #516

    bishop987

    718. you resign by knocking down your queen.

    719. you think that you can attach peices to your knight to make them "ride the horsey."

    720. you think that rooks can promote.

  • 4 years ago · Quote · #517

    crazypersn

    721.With a saitek clock you are scared when the little thing pops up and you always are pressing it to make sure it doesnt pop up and scare you

    722. you think that G30 time contrlols is when the whole game takes 30 minutes so you get your timer and wait 29 minutes and 59 secconds and hit the clock then you say that you won on time

  • 4 years ago · Quote · #518

    invincible_knight

    chessgm8 wrote:
    OldChessDog wrote:

    LOL Grandmaster3141! What I want to know is how you got the computer to make those kinds of moves.

    Open up the game inserter and insert the PGN file.

    doesn't work

  • 4 years ago · Quote · #519

    invincible_knight

    723. You think that pawns can also promote into kings.

    724. You think that a king can be taken

    725. You always fall for the two move checkmate

    726. You think that pawns can promote anywhere

    727. You think queens can castle

  • 4 years ago · Quote · #520

    invincible_knight

    728. You think you're the best player in the world when you lose all your games

    729. You think you can take away your king, hug him and say he is protected


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