create the most stupid chess pieces!

Pirate: if you touch it, roll a 8 side die and the number you get is the direction you can move to.

Also this is super cool, let's pin it!

Yes

The One-gogoolplex-and-thirty-four-tailed monkey. You can move it during the opponent’s turn, and if it captures something, you win, and if it jumps over a piece, all pieces of that sort dissapears, and if it moves at all, you get a new queen anywhere, and if the opponent captures it, you win; but it simply doesn’t move.

Queen g8+

a queen that can only be on g8

Overclocked piece-Turns into a random piece after capturing

The poo. It can only capture a pawn.

The Potatocat. He if it's your turn, and you want to go with this piece, he goes at random square.

Sheldon - every time you make a bad move the player with the Sheldon can give the piece 1 strikes if the piece exceedes 3 strikes it is eliminated

this could get interesting...

[L-39] Overprot? king.

moves like the king, but when put in check, it spawns 8 queens, each surrounding it in a 1x1 radius away from it. the only way it can be captured is if its put in checkmate.

Baby,it moves every 5 moves and only moves diagonally one square.If captured,you lose.

Leonard-it has a asthma attack every 5 moves if it can reach the Sheldon in 2 moves it recover if not it is eliminated and the players queen is eliminated (it can move diagonally and vertically and can capture pieces in any direction)

Mega knight. It occupies a 2x2 space, and can either attack a 2x1 space orthogonally or it can jump 3 squares orthogonally capturing any piece it lands on. Can only be taken by kings, queens, rooks, or other heavy pieces

the jester. thinks he's funny so he doesn't move starts rank 2 in front of king