"Barney, here's our bus. We've got to leave now, we maybe can just make it in time."
"Oh look, though, there's a historical plaque right across the village square, could be interesti...."
"Get on the freakin' bus!!! You can read it later on the internet."
Nice posts. Make it into a book called "En Passant: The Biggest Lie" or something lol
Nice posts. Make it into a book called "En Passant: The Biggest Lie" or something lol
Barnes and Noble just called. They've already optioned it.
Dear Readers,
You may have been wondering, but why.... why .... why a decoy "Erik"?? The reason is simple.
However, due to a recent Agreement between this Reporter, and all Concerned Parties, and due to the SpoilerClause® in the Agreement, this Reporter may not be Reporting in the foreseeable future regarding *irl* sets that may be defective, and do not contain en passant.
Well, it was a long night of negotiations with this Reporter's new "handlers", but it turned out ok. It was agreed that "we will never speak of the so-called 'Decoy Erik' again", at least not until the movie comes out. They said the "Big Reveal" will happen during the climactic chase scene. "Gonzo Journalism at it's best" was the consensus, "Fear and Loathing ... of En Passant" was suggested as the title, but we'll see.
The great news is that this Reporter can continue this story, albeit truncated for content, format, and edited to fit in the allotted time.
Mr. DeMille, this Reporter is ready for my close-up!
Btw, this Reporter would like to thank, in advance, my producers, co-stars, parents, and of course the Academy, for the Oscar® ... couldn't have done it without ya!
Does anyone have a Kleenex®? *sniffle*
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Ah, Rome. The scintillating sunlight danced on the piazza, locally known as the "Village Green".
"Barney, we've got no time to lose! It's three blocks to our ultimate destination, Chuck E. Chess Emporium!"
"So in other words, where we are now is our penultimate destination?"
"This is no time to debate semantics, dork, let's rock!"
A black helicopter circled ominously overhead, looking for a place to land.
For a chess shop, the Emporium seemed to have a lot of noisy children scampering about. We approached the counter.
"Hi we're looking for something without en passant." Dr. Chattie had to speak loudly above the din.
"We don't serve none of those stinky French cheeses here anyways, just American, Cheddar, and Mozzarella," said the young woman behind the counter, rolling her eyes. Then the dawning of realization flared into the inky blackness of her pupils.
"Ohhhh, you must be looking for Chuck E. Chess. This is Chuck E Cheese ... they're three doors down, on the right."
"Oh crap, let's roll!"
*Ding, Ding*, The bell on the door tinkled, and an old man in a card dealer's visor and sleeve garters looked up through rheumy eyes.
"Howdy, what you boys lookin' for?"
"I'm Barney-Boondoggle, Chess Reporter, and this is my sidekick, Dr. Chattu ––"
"No, you're my sidekick, you ––"
"No way, you're my sidekick, buddy!"
"No, your'e my sidekick!"
"No, you!"
"Boys, boys, you can settle all that later. Whatcha lookin' to find?'
This Reporter knew how to keep things on the "D.L."
"Sir, reliable sources say you may have acquired a rare chess set, one that doesn't have the controversial rule, "en passant".
"Why you whisperin', son, I got tons of cheap sets don't got no en passant, like these, cain't even get rid of them."
"You mean the rules booklet that comes with a set like that doesn't have en passant???"
"Don't come with no rules booklet, that's why it's worthless. No en passant, no nuthin'. Deeeefective."
"What about sets with rules included, but without en passant?"
The shopkeeper's eyes hardened, the watery orbs coalescing into gleaming blue marbles in his desiccated skull.
"Now that's a whole 'nuther kettle of fish. But I guess life's too short to wear suspenders and a belt. There's this set right here:"
To be continued???
It was at great peril that this set made it past the censors of chess.com, because everyone knows that "en passant" is nothing more than a coding error on the part of the original programmers of the site. Extensive research has revealed that what happened is that they wrote in code for the pawns to take diagonally, but forgot to write it out as an option for when the opponent's pawn moves the initial two squares. By the time they realized their mistake, it was too late, the site had launched. When questions of rules irregularities and cheating began to circulate upon the accidental discovery of the glitch, the site managers doubled down, making up the fake rule, "en passant", as they could not figure out how to fix it, and besides that horse had already left the stable. Soon enough, "articles" by so-called chess.com "historians" began to appear, in old-timey typeface, on seemingly low rez, yellowed mimeographs purporting to discuss a new rule, "en passant", as early as the Middle Ages. Do you know how easy it is for anyone with even a modicum of computer graphics skills to generate a counterfeit image like that? You don't? Well, it's very easy. Indeed, some these ersatz "chess historians" may show up even on this very thread, perhaps upping their game with sophisticated "deep fakes", as they will backed up by the almost infinitely deep pockets of their Masters at chess.com. That is, if this post is not immediately deleted. Perhaps most egregious, the site recently enlisted an otherwise respected top tier pro chess player to post a "how to" video on the subject!!! There will be follow up reports on this story; presuming this account is not summarily banned on some false pretext in order to perpetuate this atrocious cover-up!!!
And now, the proof:
dude are u going to say the same thing about castling and promotion?
Either this is funny or my life has been funny. I have been playing with the rule "en passant" for 42 years. When I was nine, uncles and granny neighbors called the rule "paspon" (or I guessed they meant, "passed pawn") in my country.
dude are u going to say the same thing about castling and promotion?
Dude no because those rules are covered in that rules sheet if you'd have bothered to read it.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the next President of the United States!
Dr. Chattie took a deep breath. "It's obvious to me now that it couldn't have been the real "Erik" on the bus. In fact, by my calculations, based on my estimation of his original starting point, he's still in the vicinity of Paris."
"Wow, a guy with that much juice could live at the top of the Eiffel Tower if he wanted to."
"I'm talking about Paris, Idaho, you dithering dolt. It must have been a decoy "Erik" on the bus."
"A decoy "Erik", of course!"
"Oh please. Don't pretend you actually understand it."