Ways To Cheat At Chess - Just for Fun, Relax
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Stacy, you rule so much. You're list posts are the best. You are, as they say, full of win.
Get the "Lazy Susan Polgar", a chess table set on a smooth swivel for easy spinning while your opponent is distracted by Superman or a skateboarding puppy.
That's funny! Lazy Susan Polgar. hehehe
Hit the clock, then think about your move. If your opponent hits it to set your clock running, just flash him an exasperated look and hit it again.
Pick up your opponent's d pawn, put it in your mouth and swish it around a bit, then put it back. If he's willing to touch it, he deserves the win.
Pretend that you have lost all sense of time. Looking at your watch slight confused ask your opponent for the time. When he/she tells you the time become ever more baffled. Claim to be living in limbo since your watch is displaying a different time than your chess clock (analog). Any time your opponent starts your clock ask him not to as your waiting until your watch catches up with the time on your clock. Until it reaches that time you insist nobody moves an inch because they may change the future for the worse!!
There are several ways to cheat. In over the board play, Like Faye Dunaway you could seductively fondle your pieces and make your opponent pass out from blood pressure shock. You could like James Bond soak his pieces in Ricin and peanut butter. You could go against the Sicilian when death is on the line, definately a morgue toe tag game. In this type of internet chess. I prefer the Carnac the Magnificent defense and seal your move in a mayonaise jar on Funk & Wagnalls porch. That really drives opponents over the edge, lemmings in toe!!
As for the Lazy Susan Polgar defense NASA is in conference with their most senior engineers and astronauts to counter this most diabolical of Russian deviousness. Some say this is what Fischer acutally died from :(
I...don't know what to say to that. I prefer to sit here and slowly nod and act like I understand.
The bobble head defence has not been countered yet so keep using it Stacy, sshhh, that is between you and me of course :)_
I'll keep that on the down low. Nobody's reading my posts, anyways. ;-)
LMAO :))- Me neither :)- On that note I think we should contact Erik about a Reading is Fundamental course here instead of Tactics Training? I know it sure helped me. I was the only one in third grade with hair under his arms but then again I was 17 at the time :)-
"You could go against the Sicilian when death is on the line, definately a morgue toe tag game."
Haha, Princess Bride, eh?
And keeping with Faye Dunaway's stratagem, there are two options that can be drawn from a true incident. Wherein, one player insisted he was unable to concentrate in the game due to his female opponent's choice of undergarments.
Hmmm...
You have to leave it US invention that Kosteniuk is wearing under there underwear from UnderArmour. She has been free from chess assault since then!
Stacy, I just wanted to let you know that I read your post and laughed.
But I only laughed because you have Dwight as your avatar, not because of the post...
(sorry! :) )
How gullible Erik, do you really think Stacy has a beard? If that is the case then she is my uncle :)- Of course famous Dwights dead or alive play chess and a right skippy they play here! But I would ask that he tone down the hair cut, that is not a fore head but a five head :))-
erik wrote:
Stacy, I just wanted to let you know that I read your post and laughed.
But I only laughed because you have Dwight as your avatar, not because of the post...
(sorry! :) )
Cold, man. Cold.
erik's as cold as ice,
erik's willing to sacrifice our love
erik never take's advice,
someday he'll pay the price, I know
HowDoesTheHorseMove wrote:
Hit the clock, then think about your move. If your opponent hits it to set your clock running, just flash him an exasperated look and hit it again.
Pick up your opponent's d pawn, put it in your mouth and swish it around a bit, then put it back. If he's willing to touch it, he deserves the win.
someone actuallydid that to me in a game... he won... (it was a friendly game if you wonder)
Here are some fun ways I have thought of to CHEAT, yes, CHEAT at CHESS!!! Please enter your own, as usual for my topics, afterwards...and please keep in mind, these are supposed to be HUMOROUS ways that are not real ways. I usually don't do the whole disclaimer thing, but people are getting way too uptight in the forums. Here we go...
Now, I know this hasn't been my funniest post. I've been coming up dry lately for humor, but I know you guys can lend a helping post.
That is all.