Clever chess joke

How do you know the king and queen on a chess board never have sex during a battle (match/game)????

--They're never on top of each other.

Yes, I just randomly made that up.  Yes, I am aware it's a horrible joke that isn't funny at all. I did it to attract your attention :D

Any tips on becoming a better positional chess player? I want to become a great positional AND tactical chess player, but mostly tactical. I just want to know how to spot weaknesses in my position and know who has the upper hand and why and stuff like that. Any form of help would be appreciated >_<

Two monkeys in a bath. One goes oh, oh, oh,., the other says, add more cold water. 

Read a book :)

Some would say My System by Nimzovich, but I reckon Logical chess move by move would suit you down to the ground. So, start saving yer pennies!

Others might offer you other books, so then you'll have to research and decide for yourself.

Two nuns in a car. A vampire jumos on the hood of the car. One nun says to the other, Show him your cross!. The nun gets out of the car and says Get off of my *&^%% car.

I feel terrible for giving those jokes more life than they deserve :( I'm away to take a slow walk on a busy motorway.

ha ha. The Monkey joke I don't quite get, but it's so random that it's funny. lol @ the nun joke >_<

Well I ordered that book Excelling At Chess Calculation by Jacob Aagaard. And I've been eye-ing Forcing Chess Moves by Charles Hertan. It talks about why computers are better than humans. They say it helps you develop "computer eyes" to see how a computer might move next (usually with a force move.) Turns out, even chess.com wrote a review of recommendation for that book!

Thanks! I'll definitely search 'em up!

no clock, radio!

What's the difference between a funny chess player and Bigfoot?

Bigfoot's been sighted.

fred reinfeld has a book on how to play the game its pretty comprehensive. Or you can use the silman books. which adress reviewing the board for the eight imbalnces such as space, material bishop vs knight etc...