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I'm not jaded.
My apologies, Madame.
That's okay. But you should know that it is not easy being an alcoholic in this lovely, wonderful, chocolate factory of a world. It's hard to convince yourself that another drink will be just an escape;)
Your biggest problem is that you're playing time controls which are far too fast. It will only teach you bad habits.
I regulary run out of time. I use a LOT of it just to think. Plus I go over the games afterwards; I can learn from playing, but I can also learn from going over my games. I'll be moving up time controls when I feel it is time.
Oh and Trysts, it is always lonely at the top o.o