Courtesy and Respect

Why do some players have no courtesy or respect for others? If you get challenged and you have enough games, or you are not accepting challenges right now, for what ever reason, a simple courtesy reply back should be in order, rather than just ignoring your challenge. You can setup declines in your profile. Just asking for a little R E S P E C T , find out what it means. 

"Can't we all just get along?" - (Rodney King)

I was taught courtesy, respect and sportsmanship are among the hallmarks of chess, although we all know the game's stormy and unpredictable nature frequently tests those high ideals. Chess online with a largely anonymous, albeit well documented, opponent is a different kind of chess, not the OTB, face-to-face showdowns I grew up playing. I like this new chess world better, but I too would like to see a greater accountability concerning bad, or even tepid sportsmanship. I suppose site admin could institute an eBay-like ratings system with requisite comments box: "Excellent chess-dot-com encounter, fast forward thinking, quick dismantling, competition beyond rating. Would definitely play chessm1n again!"

Thanks for the comprehensive link, artfizz. Nothing new under the chess-dot-com sun, eh? Anyway, I was curious about the membership's take on the subject, and I look forward to reading the 9-plus pages worth of viewpoints.

Sorry, is the OP suggesting that we have to respond when people send us challenges that we don't wish to accept?  

I think that's actually one of the most annoying aspects of the site.  When I'm on a slow connection I find it so irritable that I just ignore the game and leave the challenge open rather than decline it.  I would say declining the game is polite enough.  Having to explain your reasons is...just odd.  Maybe instead people should have to fill out a form as to "why" they want to randomly challenge you if they are not on your friend list or are not just rematching.  

On the online chess dis-courtesy totem pole,  calling your opponent a @$@#@ during live chess is pretty high up there ... but ignoring one's challenge request doesn't seem to antagonize most people.

Think of it in practical terms, if I'm accepting challenges, I may not have the time to go ahead and respond with a "no thanks" for each challenge I do not accept. I may be a kid whose dad made sure I never messaged or responded to anybody online.  I may even be a newbie who doesn't know better or a guy who was busy playing 50 games and may have missed my challenge request. 

When the number of plausible "innocent" reasons for a behavior far exceed the one where people are just being  jerks, I tend to give people the benefit of doubt and not generalize.

It's not a big deal and it happens in real life too, especially at the chess club I use. I sometimes ask members if they want to play and they say "No thanks" and return to their paper or position or whatever. My chess club is open every day and doubles unofficially as some sort of gentleman's club/drop-in centre for old boys wanting a cup of tea and a sit down (all chess players and members). I don't question them about their motives, I just move on until I find someone who fancies a game. I don't bear a grudge but never attend the funerals of those that turn me down. He who laughs last....

Even the best of friends can't attend each other's funerals.

At the very least, just decline the game, no replies are needed, but don't ignore the invite.

It would be a great help in our guest to just get along, if we managed to possess enough tolerance not to get annoyed by every little habit of others.

So you are saying everyone that declines to play you suddenly dies?

That's a PrawnEatsPrawnism...

This must be a bigger issue than I thought if over 500 have reviewed/read this!

I'm with you pawn.  It's rude not to at least decline, and yet that is so common.  Every now and again I'll decide that it's time to let someone know how I really feel, and I may blast one of these rude members.  I'm sure that they would say that I am the one being rude, but it never would have happened had they not cast that first stone.

+1

And if I may make another point.  This is not some opinion that we vote on, as if a majority might deem it OK, or not rude.  It is rude because some are offended by it, and this remains true no matter how many others are not offended by it.  Ethnic jokes may offend those of the targeted nationality; now if I am not of that particular nationality, then I can simply by fiat declare that these jokes are not offensive?  I am not allergic to peanuts, so nobody can be???  Give me a break.

Some people go around looking for things they can be offended by, just so they can point out that they're offended.

 Well, it's not a completely subjective judgement either. That I am offended by something does not mean that it is rude, only that I am offended by it. Some people here get offended when the opponent resigns, some when the opponent doesn't resign, and they cannot both be right. Something is only rude if the majority in the community agree that it is rude. Just because you happen to be bothered by something doesn't entitle you to create social norms at your whim.

With all due respect, I don't think so.  There was a time when only the slaves were offended by slavery, and they were, presumably, outnumbered by the slave owners, who most certainly were not offended by it.  A majority cannot be the hurdle, although the prior poster is also correct that some just look for ways to be offended.  That does not seem to be the case here, although I will concede the point that I am having a hard time coming up with an appropriate objective definition.  Please note, however, that my inability to find this elusive definition is not to be confused with the acceptability of the behavior.  It is clearly rude, even if we are still searching for the basis that makes it so.

Courtesy and Respect...  Hmmm...

How about if a player does not respond to a challenge, invite, message or other unsolicited contact I give them the courtesy of the benefit of the doubt and the respect of not initiating further contact since the first was clearly not welcome?

Gentlemanly conduct and sportsmanship begin at home, where you can only expect in return what you are willing to give to others.

So you indicate as much by declining the game.  How hard is that?