Did you ever thought about your opponent’s life situation?

Online games are weird. We are playing  against invisible players, no faces, no backgrounds, nothing to make us get a glimpse in the opponent’s real life. 
Did you ever thought on the possibility that your opponent has right now a hard time? Perhaps his wife abandoned him, perhaps her boyfriend died in an accident, perhaps your opponent has a hard time in the job or school.

We all see only the “enemy”, and we fight for a win or perhaps for a draw.

I am talking about me, about the uncountable timesI wanted to throw my iPads out of the window, full of rage.

But I tell you right now: I will change my attitude towards my opponents and about the game.  They are not my enemies, but they share a hobby with me, and we are both fighting not to only to win a game but also to find love and happiness.  And chess is a pastime. 

The good thing about this is that love will find you in the end. Are we all aware about this?

Please, for all people who decided to post a negative comment: are you sure that I deserve it? How do you know if I just heard that my  cat / wife /mom died? Or that I just heard that I have cancer? This is exactly my point. We can’t know. Next time I have the impression my opponent is acting rude or unfair, I will see deeper, trying to think about the possible reasons behind the behavior. And about the reason why I think that losing a game will have a huge negative impact in my life.

To all of the players reading this: I decided to love you all! I am not joking, I mean it, nut don’t get me wrong, I still will go to your throat in the game, but this is nevertheless just a game, right?

https://youtu.be/cdEOI9_tmYM

Thanks! I had myself in mind when I wrote this thread. In tennis I managed better to accept a lost against a weaker opponent. In chess I am trying to improve my attitude. At the moment I begin to accept the losses I will also take my time to go objectively through these games. And probably I will begin to improve.

If someone was feeling down, why would they do something that can possibly aggravate them?

Also, I do agree with your philosophy of "not being enemies, but sharing a hobby".

Really I think even if I was depressed I would want my opponent to play their best game against me. If I find out that someone played worse on purpose, that seems to make me more upset.

Perhaps I’m misreading your post but, it seems to be contradictory. It appears that at first you promote the idea of being sympathetic to your opponents (by assuming that something tragic has happened in their life) and then finish by saying regardless of that, “I’m going to go for your throat”. 

Neither of which are inherently wrong necessarily, but they certainly seem incongruent. 

We certainly have effects on our social surroundings, and to make the decision to be hurtful is to decide to turn someone's day south. I think we're all okay with it, because we abstract the whole thing out to an opinion that can easily be rejected. Or we're knowingly okay with it. I'm often like that. It's not a good thing.

In terms of playing online, just resigning in a lost position can be a sign of respect. Even just as an unearned, unacknowledged gesture that only you are aware of. It can shore up your own day.

My opponent and I come together in this place for playing a game. If there are any other problems or circumstances that need tending to by my opponent, this should be taken care of separately, because it's hard enough to concentrate on a game when your life is falling apart, though many chess players use the game as a kind of distraction from dealing with other problems.

Oh, I'm such a monster!!!

I sometimes notice there is a Ukrainian flag by my opponent's name and wonder, "Where is this person right now - in Ukraine? - in their home? - do they hear bombing going on around them? - have they lost a loved one in the war? - how do they even have an internet connection? - why are they even playing chess right now?"

This duality is part of the game. We can play hard without hating the opponent. In tennis for example I like to think that I play hard against the ball. In chess we can play for example “the position”, instead of having the opponent in mind. Guys like Nakamura, Nepo, or the Brazilian IM Roberto Molina tend to take everything very personally. I like more the attitude of players who take the game easier. They fight at every game, but seem happy and balanced, regardless of the results.

I often have to think the same! 

It is not about not giving the best, but about keeping in mind that we are playing (usually) against humans. We can plan hard but still be kind, and insecure of the GG at the end we can write something kind, taking the time to acknowledge the win. 

Personally, I've never thought of my opponent as the enemy. It's just two people playing chess.

I had the tendency to get mad if someone trash talks me when I am losing. I will definitely changing this.

I was a time I would react rude towards someone shouting like this. I am changing, at least I am trying. Perhaps there is a reason  behind this behavior. Perhaps it is lack of love, perhaps life is just boring, perhaps lack of perspectives, I don’t know. I am sure you have great qualities that are not visible right now, but they are certainly there. Love will find your in the end buddy  😊